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Parenting

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Original poster

Can I leave my baby at 1 month old?

51 replies

Crossfitgirl · 07/02/2019 23:21

Probably a daft question but... Hey ho!

I'm a first time mum, due mid August, no idea besides what I've read on what to expect in the first month besides lots of bf and sleeplessness.

DH wants to book show tickets for a comedian at the end of September, so baby will be 4-6 ish weeks old. I'd love to go, it's just an evening out, but...
I plan to breastfeed, no idea how long it would be between feeds, or whether I'll be able to express at that point, or if I do start just with bf whether its enough time to get used to expressing or get the baby used to a bottle etc. I'm down with formula if needed but hoped to exclusively bf or at least bottle feed my breast milk if poss.

In your experienced mum opinions, am I going to be able to express into bottles for my mum to feed the baby for a few hours by that point / even feel up to going out at all in the first 1-2 months? (assuming my mum will happily take them for an evening)?

Don't even know if I'd even want to leave the baby at that stage but also may be in need of a date night and a good laugh??

Bearing in mind I've never done this before so please be nice!

The show starts at 8pm 😂

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Justme10 · 08/02/2019 11:03

Can't give you advice on BF as I used formula but I went to a hen night when my DS was 6 weeks old after a horrendous birth including c section and was out drinking and dancing till 3 in the morning it was just what I needed to be honest but you may not feel up to it or be ready to leave LO but I'm sure you would be able to sell the tickets if you decided not to go or DH could go with a friend instead?

OMGithurts · 08/02/2019 11:09

2 weeks after your due date with your first DC you could still be pregnant being induced, or still in hospital. If you have a bad tear or a C Section a week or two before you will struggle to do 2 hours in a car, plus newborns are only meant to be in car seats for 30 minutes as the position can reduce oxygen flow.

harper30 · 08/02/2019 11:34

I wouldn't underestimate how much unexpected stuff can happen. From reading your update it sounds like you're rethinking the comedy gig, I'd say that's definitely a good call. My ebf DD cluster fed in the evenings and if I had left her for 4-5 hours it would have been horrific, she would have screamed for that entire time, she's never taken a bottle, and my boobs would have exploded if I couldn't express.
The wedding issue: I would have a solid backup plan for your mum or a friend or someone to come and spend the day/night with you while he's at the wedding. Babies can be late, they can be ill, you might be really struggling to recover. My birth was great but DD was 6 days late and we spent another week in hospital with her so I wouldn't in a million years have been able to go to a wedding the day after getting home from hospital. If your DH has to go to be best man, definitely have a plan for someone to come be with you. If they can have a back up best man, I think that's probably the best idea xx
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!! Xx

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harper30 · 08/02/2019 11:36

Oh and I've just re-read it's a two hour drive away. Seriously don't bother, babies can't be in car seats for long, you'll have to stop a million times, it will become a 3.5 hour journey, DC might cry/hate car seats, mine did for months and cried the entire time she was in a car for weeks and weeks.
Give yourself a break and don't even contemplate going 😂😂😂 xx

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 08/02/2019 11:36

@blueskiesovertheforest sorry thought I'd said, we haven't actually committed to going, obviously if the baby is late or there are problems DH won't go, groom and bride of course understand. It was more if the baby was here already - he will either go on his own or I'd consider going with him with the baby. He's already planned a video speech just in case we can't go! If he missed the birth he wouldnt be alive to see his child when he got back 😂

@justme10 great to hear a positive story about someone who has been able to have time away from baby at 6 weeks. There's lots of benefits to formula feeding and maybe that will be one of them if I can't bf! Thank you :-) I do really value quality time with DH and don't want to lose that entirely, even if it does get lost the first few months.

@omgithurts oh is it 30 just 30 mins? I thought it was 90 mins by to guess I will get told what the current recommendations are. If we planned a few breaks in the journey though that's easily solved. I've a terrible bladder at the best of times anyway so regular stops are normal for us! Hehe x

OP posts:

blueskiesovertheforest · 08/02/2019 11:39

Crossfitgirl ah sorry - I read it as your DH would go alone if you couldn't go, it's good that your friends realise it's possible that the best man will also miss the wedding.

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 08/02/2019 11:42

Sorry for the terrible typos!

Yes I wouldn't let him go without having someone with me to help for the day, had already planned to ask someone to come stay with me if it was just a week or two after baby is born. Although he will be back at work after about 3 weeks anyway so I'd be left on my own from then anyway x

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Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 08/02/2019 11:45

@blueskies ah yes that's the first thing he told his friend when he told him we were pregnant, really sorry but may not be able to make the wedding! It's not like its a terrible excuse, the birth of his first born child isn't really something you can miss hehe. He's already booked 4 half days off work to make sure he's not working away those weeks, as he doesn't want to miss the antenatal classes, I'm lucky he's so good really and we have understanding friends who are fine with us not really knowing if we'll be there until the day x

OP posts:

blueskiesovertheforest · 08/02/2019 11:49

Crossfitgirl you won't necessarily need anyone to stay with you, it all depends. You might prefer to be alone of you're establishing breastfeeding, camping out on the sofa binging on box sets in your dressing gown with your breasts out... I know I hated it when my mum came to "help" and stayed in the house... Its more that if you're still in hospital or the baby is, or both, or you are only just home, that'll be his priority, assuming he's a decent human being, and he won't want to be off playing jolly life and soul of the party as best men are often expected to.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 08/02/2019 12:52

I left DS who was as EBF overnight at 6-7 weeks. He was absolutely fine. I just left 200oz of expressed milk. He didn't drink anywhere near that 😂 I just panicked and worried about his starving.

mindutopia · 08/02/2019 13:07

No, I wouldn't. Even if your baby takes a bottle (one of mine did, but the other didn't), honestly if given a spare few hours, I would not want to be out at a show. I would be home showering in peace and sleeping. You have your whole life for going out still. But those early weeks are so, so hard. I can't imagine it would be worth it, except for a one in a lifetime event (your sister getting married or something).

Lookingforadvice123 · 08/02/2019 13:17

I think it's very personal. I BF DS until 4 weeks only and had my first "night out" when he was 6 weeks, which was dinner with friends and drinks, home before midnight. He was fully FF by that point so feeding wasn't an issue. I went because it was my birthday and a joint thing with another friend, but I did feel a bit weird and like I was missing a limb or something for the whole night. I was the only one of that group to have a baby and was obviously a clueless brand new mum (like we all are!) so if it was to happen again now that I'm pregnant with DC2, I'm more likely to refuse the invitation until he's older!

Lookingforadvice123 · 08/02/2019 13:18

Oh just to point out though that DS was with DH. I don't think I would've left him for that long with anyone else at that age, with the responsibility of bedtime etc.

BackforGood · 08/02/2019 15:13

I think you are being incredibly optimistic re the wedding

2 hours journey, ever 2 weeks after giving birth, to then be at a wedding (when dh is busy elsewhere)

ha ha ha

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 08/02/2019 18:50

@backforgood thanks for the very helpful advice 👍

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Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 08/02/2019 18:56

Thanks everyone anyway, I've decided I will give the comedy show a miss, and the wedding will be dictated by when the baby decides to arrive and how I feel at the time.
Might be nice to make the most of the last bit of summer when NOT heavily pregnant 😁 but we shall see, my eyes are completely wide open to the possibilities and complications.
Thank you for all the advice on feeding, its been very informative too. Its prompted me to do a bit of reading on bf, potential problems and solutions to the baby taking bottles, and even when to wean!

Much love to the mumsnetters community, its been such a great source of advice so far from the very start of ttc!

OP posts:

OnTheHop · 08/02/2019 19:02

Re the wedding: it all depends.

We went on holiday when Dc1 was 2.5 weeks old, me driving, took him with us out to dinner, picnics etc. I went all over with him in the sling and pushchair. We were fine, and it was after a tricky birth and 5 days in hospital. I just couldn’t leave him because if the feeding. Nor did I feel I could be away from him.

I could easily have gone to a wedding at 2 weeks. Not 1 week, though.

RJnomore1 · 08/02/2019 19:03

It's very possible.

Dd was born 27 December; I went out for s valentines meal with dh and mil watched her.

OnTheHop · 08/02/2019 19:11

Although a bf baby can’t be left until a feeding routine is established (haha) and you can risk a bottle without putting them off the breast, a bf baby is incredibly easy to travel with. No bottles to be lugged about and kept sterile / cold and then warmed etc.

1Wanda1 · 08/02/2019 19:16

I've got a week old baby and I doubt you will want to go. Breastfeeding is fairly all-consuming in the early weeks, especially if you have any problems getting going with it (as many people do). Newborns need feeding at least every 3 hours and mostly spend the evening cluster feeding (i.e. feeding almost continuously, which is how they boost your supply). I would find it really stressful having to leave my baby for any amount of time at this early stage.

MissB83 · 08/02/2019 21:48

4-6 weeks after the birth, no chance would I have wanted to go out between 8-11pm! You may find that you are still establishing breastfeeding, have birth soreness/complications/bleeding, are knackered or just don't want to leave baby. Or all of the above! I went out for a few hours in the evening for the first time when DS was between 3 and 4 months and still found it hard being away from him.

greathat · 08/02/2019 22:12

I wouldn't. I was still trying to sort the feeding at that point. My tits were like massive painful melons and I was prone to bursting into tears. Plus my oldest didn't sleep at all did she was about 6 weeks, I was a wreck

AlpacaLypse · 08/02/2019 22:47

One of the most sensible things I ever heard about pregnancy was to regard it as not 9 months but about 18 months - to account for the stuff that happens when our babies are still tiny. Unlike most other primates our babies are born incredibly early, they have only vestiges of the instincts that most of the other primate infants arrive with, eg holding on to mum while she forages for food in the tree tops.

Hopefully you will have a settled joy of a baby. Just plan for permanently furious baby with ongoing colic and projectile vomiting issues.....

They all grow up to be delightful. and teenagers, whole other thread...

Lazypuppy · 09/02/2019 16:50

Me and my dp started going out for date evenings when baby was about 5 weeks old.
My mum would babysit and i left bottles of expressed milk for her. If i couldnXt have expressed i would have just left formula.

I breastfed, but didn't do on demand as such, she slotted into a 4hr feeding schedule pretty quickly which made it easy to go out for an evening every so often

Wearywithteens · 09/02/2019 16:56

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