I've read a few post the posts here, I'm struggling with my 2.5 year olds behaviour, but its is very hit and miss, some weeks she is fine and I can deal with the behaviour as it isn't too bad. And then we will have weeks and weeks of screaming, my neighbours must think I hate her and just scream at her all the time, but it's not all the time, I try to stay calm but it isn't always easy.
I have been reading some Gentle Parenting books, like yourself, I don't smack, and I don't like the idea of smacking. I feel like it would just encourage my LO to smack and she doesn't smack all the often at the minute, so I am thankful for that. But she does throw herself on the floor and scream non stop.
For me I think I need to be consistent but it's sometimes hard to not get fed up and shout back, I always give two options, and like someone else has said, I use the, if you don't walk yourself upstairs then I will carry you, which would be like? and sometimes she walks, sometimes she carrys on screaming while I carry her upstairs, I let her know that when she has calmed down a little then she can have hugs, not fully calmed down but when she is at a point it is no longer screaming at me then I am happy to help her calm down, but sometimes she doesn't want me to touch her and will just run away from me.
The other night she was having a huge tantrum, we went upstairs as it was bedtime, I shut the baby gate, popped her on the hallway (it's very small upstairs) and I went to put something in my bedroom, the next thing I hear the gate give-way and she has fallen down the full length of the stairs, I think during her paddy she has run to the babygate and thrown herself against it, she is fine but has some nasty bruises on her legs. So that was a nightmare night, I was shaking after. But that is an example of a time when she didn't calm down. (before the fall) and I just had to take her upstairs for bed (We usually do this, this is the first time the gate have given way).
Sometimes I have to write off my evening, and just go to bed I am so exhausted. I sometimes feel at my wits end, and I just feel like I can't do it anymore, I know I can, but I just feel like I've had enough. I wish I could help you more, but I always feel it is nice to know your child isn't the only one who is acting like a devil ha.
It seems like a lot of people here have given some good tips and tips i've been using, but I think its consistency too, so it might not work fully for a week, 2 weeks or 3 weeks but if you keep it consistent then they will learn better, they will still have episodes but hopefully (I am currently hoping this ha) they will become less frequent.
Also as a side note on the sticker chart, I was reading as part of the Gentle Parenting Book that rewards don't have a positive impact long term and the child will keep expecting more and more but then they will lose interest. I'm potty training and we aren't doing stickers or anything, she gets some praise but not over and beyond and now she is really good with it and doesn't expect a sticker or anything.
Sometimes I do fall and do the bribe/reward thing, because I know you can just get fed up and you just need to do what ever you need to do, but where I can I try and stay away from rewards.
Though I did go through a phase where my LO refused to sit in her car seat after nursery and I started bribing her with marshmallows to sit in her car seat after nursery and then I was glad when they had all gone because then I had to start saying, sorry all gone and showing her the empty tub, now she doesn't expect anything, luckily, as I thought I was going to be dealing with that forever, having to have snacks in the car haha.