Was I wrong to throw DD's dinner in the bin?

[sandyballs]

She's a stroppy little madam (6 years old) and me and Dh have had problems disciplining her recently. She won't stay on the naughty step (probably outgrown it), seems completely disinterested in star charts/incentives, or us shouting or putting her to bed early etc, We've also tried praising the good ignoring the bad to a certain extent but she's a strong willed, hot headed little thing and I'm coming to the end of my tether with her, she's upsetting our family life.

This evening she was mucking about at the dinner table with her sister (also 6), using her fingers, swinging around in her seat, opening her mouth to show everyone her half eaten food, etc etc. She and her sister got several warnings from me and DH, her sister stopped being silly, but stroppy DD didn't. She decided to shout out "you're a bossy bum hole" to me instead . This is a lovely term she seems to have picked up from school and which she knows me and Dh hate her using. I grabbed her dinner, threw it all in the kitchen bin in front of her and sent her to her bedroom. She went ballistic, screaming and shouting (she loves her food). When she had calmed down she apologised, promised she would try and behave and not use bad words so I feel that this has worked, but DH thinks I was a bit harsh chucking her food in the bin.

Sorry this is so long and I'm rambling on, but I need help with her. I'm terrified of fast forwarding ten years and having a stroppy abusive 16 year old towering over me and using much worse words

Sandyballs, that is so funny!. I think your own suggestion "take her out on her own at the weekend", is the best one. Get her onside. Get her to feel like she's mummy's friend.

I thik the idea from the book would have been more

You : "I can see you're a bit sad this morning' - LEAVE IT AT THAT - DON'T ASK A QUESTION - JUST WAIT ".
The idea is that the child will elucidate further - maybe say something like
DD- I don't like school
You - Oh you don't like school
DD - No I get tired and xx is horrid to me - OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
you - uh hu mmmm

DD - continues to tell you the real problem with you interspersing hmmm uh uh or just reapeating back what she has said (IN THEORY )

You - Well it seems that the problem is (xx is horrid to you or you don't like xx (OR WHATEVER THE PROBLEM IS) how can we solve the problem?.

If she says 'I stay home from school' You suggest writing a list of possible solutions to the problem (your suggestions and hers)
then she vetos some and you veto some and you come up with a solution together.

Quite how you can manage that in the morning I've no idea !! - But I think the idea is to let her talk and not to give solutions/suggestions until the real problem is clear aNd even then only if she doesn't suggest a reasonable solution first.

Yes I think a tired 2/3yo at the end of the day is a slightly different proposition to a 6yo with attitude. I think the dinner thing was fine as a one-off. And yes you can be calm and tell her that is what will happen another time. So I think no harm done - she will have hopefully learnt that everyone, even Mum, can only be pushed so far.

No. Not in the circumstances. I'm all for the calm measured approach usually but sometimes shock tactics are called for. And it doesn't do any harm for her to see that you get wound up sometimes too. Warning next time first though - now that she knows you will follow through.

are you mocking The Great Book?

yes, patience is required and is very thin on the ground in my house most of the time, I agree, BUT if you can count to 3 and try out some of the guff in the book it does work

I will go on Amazon this afternoon and order it.

And get some strong minty toothpaste and breath freshener on the way home .