How do I make them ‘fess up?

[Samb79]

I’m 99.999999% certain that one of my daughters used my foundation brush to clear up some glitter (massive hint was this morning when I went to apply my make up and ended up looking like I’d been to an Ibiza rave - not so amusing at 6am!).

Neither of them will admit to it, each blaming each other. How do I get them to admit to it?

I’m pretty annoyed now - not about the glitter, that was actually quite funny - but that they’ve been given lots of opportunities to come clean and still won’t tell the truth.

I’ve tried being nice, I’ve threatened them with no phones at the weekend and bed time at 7pm every night for the foreseeable, I’ve tried reasoning with them, tried appealing to their better nature.... nothing.

Short of medieval methods of torture, how can I get the culprit to confess?

Anyone?

Sit them in front of you and ask - the one who is lying will be smiling ever so slightly. Mine cannot lie without smiling

Ask them separately. In their seperate rooms. Doors shut. Interrogation style.

Tell them both her sister snitched on her.

Incidentally I’ve only got dc for the moment. He’s 16 months. He chewed my (freshly cleaned) foundation brush this morning. After eating a banana. Residue of banana on my face today...Ick.

These two would make the perfect crime duo - not even a twitch when I did this. I’m pretty sure I know which one did it from previous things they’ve done, plus one seems pretty pissed off with the other.

This is not filling me with comfort for the teenage years if they’re this good at lying now!

i’ve always uses the ‘smile if you’re lying’ line 😂 or get them to stick their tongues out to check for lying spots - the one who refuses is the fibber! i remember when i was younger though holding a mock trial for my sisters and brother to discover who had decapitated my favourite barbie!

Punish both and tell them that they will both suffer for the one lying. To be fair it's a good bit of solidarity and sisterly love to not snitch on the culprit. You don't actually need to know which one did it, you would just like that one to be honest but if she isn't then she knows she's subjected her innocent sister to an undeserved punishment.

I don’t think she feels guilty about making her sister suffer but we will see when the punishment kicks in tomorrow after school.

We’ve done separate interrogations, DH and I have done good cop/bad cop.

You’re right @redastherose I just want honesty, I’m not that terrifying (I’m bad cop)

Please don't go down this route
I did long ago, and you end up with an unhappy family.
It is hard to keep to the punishment, then you need to hand phones back
Instead go down the jobs, with a price... Till they have both earnt the money to get you a new one.
I found out years later it was not the child I was 99% sure who did the deed. And it caused so much upset...

I always look guilty even if it wasn’t me.

2 of my dc can't lie.
2 of them scare me shit less just how good they are.

Ask them what the most appropriate punishment would be for the culprit. The guilty one will go for something far less severe than the innocent.

I’d make them wash all your makeup brushes carefully with baby shampoo and dry them with an old towel. I hate that job!

How old are they?

Pick your battles (ie let it go this time)

I would just do the "I'm very disappointed in the dishonesty" route, "if someone spoilt something of yours how would you feel?"

Punishing rarely works.

They’re 9.

Thanks for the advice about the punishment, I’ll leave it. So bloody frustrating though!

I would also tell them "if you do something and spoil it/break it I would like you to come and tell me next time. I can see that it seemed a good idea to brush up the glitter and you didn't realise it would ruin the brush. I'm just really upset about not telling me first of all so we could have fixed it yesterday and I'm really upset that you've lied"

The liar has backed themselves into a corner and is too frightened to admit it.

I admit I found it a bit funny. Did you go to work with a face full of glitter? Did your colleagues think it was “Go to work as a Unicorn day” and they’d missed the memo? 🦄

Have you found a chore for them to do tomorrow, to pay for your brush.
At 9 they can clean windows or wash skirting boards..
As said don't punish, but do make them do something to make up for the damage