Failing as a parent

[Eminybob]

I have tried to write this post a few times but have ended up rambling so going to try and keep it concise.

I have a 11 week old and a 4 year old.
The 4 year old is having issues at school, he’s struggling to make friends and is acting out. At home his behaviour is terrible which I put down to jealousy and feeling pushed out by the baby.
I feel like I have failed him, I don’t know how to discipline him, he doesn’t respond to anything and nothing changes. I love him to death he’s a lovely little boy but I’m seeing it less and less.

I adore the baby too but the sleepless nights are becoming a strain on me and with the impact it’s had on DS1 I feel like I almost regret having another child.
Plus I’m so bored. After dropping DS1 at school, apart from the odd baby class a couple of times a week, I have literally nothing to do so am struck in with the baby all day.

I made mum friends when on maternity leave with DS1 but they work now so I see them less frequently.
I feel I have lost a lot of confidence I had, I feel that I struggle in social situations so have not made a lot of friends at school, I feel like I’m always second guessing myself and feel paranoid around the other mums who seem so confident and put together.
For this reason I’ve not really made any friends at baby groups either.

I just feel like crying a lot of the time. I have no idea what I am doing any more it’s just so hard.

I guess what I’m after is advice on how to handle DS1, and ideas on how to get me and DS2 out of the house so I don’t go stir crazy.

11 weeks is very very early days. I’d look up a few baby groups/rhyme time classes and similar - the more low-key the better - and head for them after drop off. Staring at the four walls is the worst option, and the classes will get you out the house and hopefully chatting to other regulars over time.

I should do that I know - there was a stay and play at the children’s centre this morning which I toyed with going to, but the idea of going alone and no one talking to me put me off.
I have no idea why I feel this way. At work my job is very client facing and I’m required to be chatty and confident so I don’t know why I can’t do it in my personal life.

Ah lovely, I do know how you feel.

If baby groups feel a bit too much then can I recommend the library or charity shops for an outing, not glamorous but both are places you can have a lengthy browse in the warm without feeling self conscious and maybe exchange a few words with another adult which some days is all you need!

For your son, lots of cuddles on the sofa after school, hopefully he doesn’t have homework (?), if you can try to prepare tea during the school day that will help you have more time for him after. After school snack maybe or bring tea earlier? He will be pretty tired out this time of year having just begun Reception and with the cold weather too. It might be worth asking his teacher about the friend issues see if he or she has any ideas? I imagine playdates feel too hard right now but hanging round the local playround might be a good idea when the weather improves, you might bump into some of his classmates and they can have a play together.

Little by little, things will improve x