Baby’s awake in cot

[WhiteWashGails]

I think I’m proper overthinking this but I’ve got Various opinions from family.

Baby nearly 3 weeks spent first week I. Special care born 39/5.

Second day home alone since DH went to work and I’m not eating right because when baby is awake I can’t bare to see him waving hands in cot even tho he seems happy.

The urge to hold him all the time means I don’t sleep in the day like I should and just eat a bowl of porridge (now!) and a sandwich for dinner.

He only had an infection but The guilt about him being in hossie without me Makes me feel sad when I need to go to the loo and leave him lying down.

Not sure what the norm is and if I am doing the wrong thing.

Baby was a surprise after 10 years infertility l and I so didn’t realise how every section I make means I feel guilty for not choosing the other options !

It’s heaven and hell all in one

It is 100% fine to leave a content, awake baby on the ground or in a cot for a bit. It's interesting for them. They will soon let you know if they want picked up.

Why not get a soft sling or wrap? Then you can eat, go to the toilet, do all sorts with baby safely snuggled on you.

But let the guilt go. Remember how many babies are 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or one of multiples where they have to spend time in a safe place not being held. If it affected them long term, we would know. Put your baby down and look after yourself.

I've learnt that parenting is mostly guilt and worrying youvenmade the wrong decision (slightly lighthearted!).
You're absolutely fine to leave bay to go for a wee! If he's happy then I think it's good for them to be left to their own devices for a minute of two - they need a break from stimulation to learn and make the connections in their brains (that's why they look away after a while of interaction).
Its really important that you try to look after yourself, the way you'll be best placed to look after your baby. Can DH make you some lunch before work and leave it in the fridge so you can grab it? Preferably something you can eat one handed. Leaving some bowls of dried fruit or nuts and glasses of water in each room is helpful too.

Be kind to yourself, sound like you had a difficult start but you're doing your best

My mum said the same thing, she said that if babies weren’t okay lying alone for a little bit then how would people have more children.

It was only 4 days ago he was asleep all the time so dealing with awakeness is a new thing and a new ‘problem’

Part of this is the shock of thinking for years I would never have one. I found out at 12 weeks and then felt sick for so long I wanted to end the situation at 17 weeks.

Now he’s here and the guilt over him being alone at the special care unit (alone IE without me) makes this stage harrowing

I am literally crying as I type this even tho I am reassured !

If he's not crying then he's ok. But it's hardly surprising you want to hold him all the time and be close to him, even without the SCBU it would be perfectly normal but with that on top your instincts will just be to have him close and that's ok!
Work on leaving him put down for short periods like if you have to wee and you also need to make sure your own needs are met but otherwise cuddle him to bits!

Its good for a baby to be lying awake. They move their limbs, use their muscles and get stronger for it. If the baby isn't crying for you, then he is content.

You sound like a loving Mum. It's normal to worry, but what you describe does sound like extreme worry. The guilt, which is completely unwarranted I'm sure you're being lovely to him, must be very difficult to live with. I really recommend seeing a GP to talk about it. The baby being in hospital + years of infertility mean you have two of the biggest risk factors for PND. There are lots of treatments available, and you might be able to enjoy this period of your life more if you didn't have this worry over you.

It's fine to leave a calm baby to themselves for a few minutes. However, I would suggest you get a wrap sling, then you can keep him with you whilst you do some food preparation and other necessary tasks. Don't worry about living on porridge and sandwiches for a week or two, most people do similar in the early days! Make sure you have some healthy snacks to hand (fruit, yoghurt, nuts etc) and you will be fine.

I have a soft carrycot I use in the house so I can easily move dc4 around with me. He lay in it on the kitchen table whilst I cooked dinner yesterday, while I put a wash on this morning etc. But it’s absolutely fine to leave them whilst you have a wee or make a sandwich etc. You’re lucky yours is happy to lie there awake I get about a minute max before my two week old starts screaming!

It's fine! When mine was a newborn he spent a lot of time in his Moses basket or on the playmate and was happy to just kick his arms and legs about. That changed as he got older and now my back hurts a lot from constantly carrying him round!!!

Ive just woken from a nap and feel like life isn’t all as bad as when I first wrote this post ....

Sleep deprivation I’ve just worked out makes things seem a lot worse

I’m starving too now ! Lunchtime

Glad you're feeling better. My baby also spent a week in SCBU with an infection and I know how hard it is to not be with them every second in that first week. It took me a while to recognise that he's OK on his own for a bit, in fact it's beneficial for muscle development. I had to tell myself that I was doing right by him when I left him to go to the loo etc. - by changing the way I thought about 'leaving him' and turning it into a 'parenting decision to help him' I got the hang of it!
And I totally agree about the lack of sleep!

Enjoy it. If he's not happy- he'll soon let you know