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Am I being unreasonable?

3 replies

mrswhits · 05/02/2019 08:43

My husband has just called me and had a go at me because I didn't take our DD to nursery this morning, he had to, and it made him late for work.

I am on maternity leave with my DS at the moment and quite often take my DD to nursery when my husband had early meetings etc. This morning he was getting ready for work and could see me wondering about it my pjs making pack lunches, feeding the baby, tidying up etc. But didn't say anything about the nursery run. Then at 7:40 started to say goodbye to us all, at which point I said, ehhhhhh are you not taking DD to nursery?!?! His reaction was to huff and puff and talk about how he needed to leave early... I pointed out that leaving early surely didn't include leaving 5 minutes before the nursery run.... He then acted the martyr and said he would take her even after I said it was fine and I would deal with it.

I then got a call at 8:20 from the DH telling me that he was now stuck in traffic and he was never doing that again, and he is going to be 20 mins late for his meeting and that's if he can find a parking spot, which he apparently won't because he is late. He then started ranting on about various other things that he insinuated I had done wrong. And when I barely replied said Have a good day then hung up.

I don't think that's fair?

I do all the tidying, cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, probably around 80% of the childcare, whilst he mainly sits on the couch if he isn't at work. I'll also mention that he works in sales and often doesn't have a huge amount to do so instead of helping me on those weeks where he definitely doesn't do anywhere near 40hours a week, he sits and does nothing. I have to ask him to do anything. And even then he complains and takes forever to do anything.

To top it all off he is going away this weekend leaving me alone with a 7 month old and a 23 month old on my own for 3 days. And still seems to think that I should get up with the 7 month old through the night all week and get up at 6am with them because he has to work!

I'm close to passing out the majority of the time I'm so tired, I literally drink about 10 cups of coffee a day and try and get as much sleep as I can but it's just not enough.

I had wrote a big long message to him explaining how his call made me feel and how tired I am, but I can't bring myself to send it because I don't want to annoy him whilst he is at work. But I know by the time he gets home I will have calmed down and won't bother telling him.

Don't know what to do :/ any advice?

OP posts:
NotSoThinLizzy · 05/02/2019 09:49

Mabye once you have calmed down re read the message make sure it still says what you need it to and send it when he's on his way home or talk to him face to face if you get a chance

Doyoumind · 05/02/2019 09:56

I appreciate he should have warned you sooner that he needed to get to work and couldn't drop at nursery but given that he was in a rush I think you should really have taken DD. Surely there wasn't a rush to get her there and you could have got yourself and the baby ready fairly quickly if it was just for a quick drive and drop off. Yes, you are doing a lot of the child care etc but that is what you are at home to do at the moment and you need your DH's salary.

sadkoala · 05/02/2019 11:17

Ok so there seems to have been a miscommunication regarding the drop off am I right? He assumed you were doing it and you assumed he was since he saw you were still in you PJ's?
Scratch that and start again. Decide what's happening the week/night before to avoid the stress and confusion.

My DP works in sales, longer hours than yours but will usually try to do the nursery run if he doesn't have a super early meeting or one that he has to set off early for. Sometimes he will say he's local but wants to get on with XYZ so he can't drop off and that's fine with me as long as I know what's going on.

I think it was pretty shitty of your DP to have a rant at you even if he was stressed. I'd bring that up and tell him how that's not on. Draw a line under this morning and say you can both discuss what's happening the night before.

Tell him if you think he's not pulling his weight around the house. Why don't you sit down and work out what both of you do and what hours you both work (SAH with little babies/children is a job too) .

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