My 20 month old fights sleeping

[Angelamcraig]

Hoping someone can help. My 20 month old refuses to sleep at night. I try to put him down at 8pm, if I leave the room he screams Bloody Mary but still doesn’t go to sleep until 9:30/10pm
I’ve tried changing nap time in the day, changed his diet, adding a night light, changing his room around. Leaving him to cry (he will continue to cry and scream, hit things) I’m at my wits end. I have a one month old that starts his cluster feeding around 9pm aswel.
I always dedicate time through the day to play with him, just me and him.

When I have tried different things I’ve always left a week between trying things.
It has been overwhelming for him, as family has visited the new baby over the last month and it has interrupted with his routine, but he was like this before baby came.
Also he is always guaranteed to wake up screaming every single night at least two times, this is also the case at nap time he will wake up screaming.
I’ll include his normal routine maybe someone can help me, as I can’t take it anymore. It’s not healthy for either of us.
7am-8am: wakes up
9am: breakfast
9:20am-11am: play time
11am: snack (generally a piece of fruit)
11:15-12:30pm: coloring or building
12:30pm: lunch time
12:45-2pm: Park, playing in the garden or running around the house being silly
2-3:30pm: generally naptime if he is tired
3:30pm-5:30pm: playtime (in between will have snack time)
5:30pm-6:30pm: play with daddy
6:30pm-7pm: dinner time
7:30pm- bath time (every two days)
8pm: upstairs for the unbearable fight of trying to put him down (gruffalo gets read 3 times, gruffalo child gets read twice, lullabies get sung multiple times)

Please any advice on what I need to chance or if someone has been through this would be a huge help

Thank you in advance

That sounds really tough! At that age mine would have slept much longer and much earlier in the day, more like 12/1 for at least a couple of hours. Do you think he might be overtired?
Have you thought about doing some gentle sleep training? Although I can imagine that would be hard with a baby too.

Mine is the same age

7-8 wakes up and has brekkie
10:30 snack
12 lunch
1-3 naps
5 dinner
6 bath followed by milk
7 in bed and asleep by 8 (most nights)

I hope that helps

It could be related to the new baby.

What happens when you bring nap, dinner and bed time forward so nap 1 to 3, dinner 5, bath 6, book and bottle half 6 asleep 7?

I have attempted to bring certain things forward but he fights me. If I bring dinner forward he refuses to eat or he plays and throws the food on the floor.
If I try to put him down earlier for a nap you would think it was the end of the world

The worse thing is he not attached to anything (other then me or daddy, depending on day) he refused his dummy away at 10 months, refused bottle 6 months ago, he has no “blankie” or teddy he uses as comfort.

I could have written this post! We have constantly battled sleep and bedtime. I'm awake now as she is currently sleeping through, this hasn't happened for months! Of course the new baby could be unsettling.

I would bring his nap forward in the day to 12.30/1. Then only allow him to sleep for 45 mins. Tough I know as I love that time in the afternoon. It's a shame as our child loves her afternoon nap and could sleep for a good chunk of time but battling bedtime and having no evening is tough. If he fights that try moving his nap 10mins earlier each day.

Also with bedtime do you think you have the right window? I find if it's a little too late she has second wind and it doesn't happen! Even if you have to move it just 10-15 mins.

Lastly do you think maybe some down time before bed rather than playing. We always sit when I get in from work and watch a children's show on tv before we go up and do bath and bedtime routine. I know everyone has different views on that.

Keep persevering but it is ok just to stop the battles for a few days and then start again. We only have one child and both work. Sometimes sleep for all of you is just got to be the priority I.e she is in with us and we go to bed earlier all together. Then we start again like tonight and it's working! 🤗 But typically I'm up! Good luck, it will all fall into place!

Well done you are surviving with two. Love how structured your day is and how active and varied you make it for him. A lot of people don't or couldn't with a second. Good luck and well done.

Thank you
Today I am trying to move everything forward a little to see if that will help. I’m hoping it does
Thank you for everyone support
I’ll let you know how it goes 😳

So it seems to work changing his schedule, however he is still screaming 2-3 times a night. He wakes up crying and it takes him about 10 mins of screaming to settle.
I thought it might be night terrors but he is awake when he is screaming.

Well that sounds like progress!
Re the night wakings - could it be teeth?

I'd consider putting him down for his nap 3-5pm and then not trying to put him down for bed until 10pm? This worked much better for mine when I didn't have older sibling school runs to deal with.

My 2 year olds routine is
Wake up at 8 am and put straight into pram and on school run until 8:50. Has fruit in pram.
9, proper breakfast at home
9:30-12 play at home/playgroup/walk
12-12:30 lunch
12:30-1 read stories
Naps 1-3, (if I don't have to do school run will nap until 4pm )
Straight in pram at 3 for school run, home for 4, plays with siblings/watches TV/destroys house until tea at 5 ish
Bedtime at 8:30, or a bit later if nap was extended past 3.

We did have a screamy at bedtime phase recently. I started using a protector light and white noise machine and it did the trick. Make sure you have a decent black out curtain for naps too. The only time we have unsettled crying at bedtime now is if he skips or has a short nap. He really needs at least 2 hours or it's a nightmare.