Single parent: planned costs stacking up and not sure what to do!

[Peterexpectantfather]

Sadly my pregnant fiancé and I have separated for complicated reasons.. We have agreed to keep the baby and that After the first 6 months I would have the baby twice a week on weekdays and alternate weekends.

My partner wants a live in nanny. My suggested is we would need this for three days a week, then I organise the child care for the two days I am responsible then care for the child alone in the evenings. I am thinking nursery as I am working full time?

What I am struggling to find online is that could my partner get a live in nanny for the 3 days she is caring - Wednesday - Friday?

She suggested we just get the nanny for 5 days a week and the nanny helps me with day care the days the child is with me then returns to live at my partners house in the evening. I am concerned as I can’t really afford to contribute to this as well as having to organise a 1 bed flat in London (v.expensive) and child maintenance. I did the maths and I can just afford a 1 bed flat (rent + bills) maintenance and my own child day care. I am left with £200 after all that to live off for 1 month in London so my parents have offered to provide an allowance to cover the living in London windfall of about £300 a month on a loan basis.

Providing context above to avoid too many questions! In short is it possible for my partner to get a live in nanny on a part time basis - (3 days a week).

Thank you

I’d say it has to be either Nanny OR Nursery. For continuity for the baby. What job does your ex do? Will she need more flexibility than a nursery can provide?

How much more expensive would a nanny be compared to nursery?

Would your partner agree to go 50/50 so you don’t have the maintenance to pay?

Under the current arrangement you will be having the child 6 nights out of 14? Do maintenance shouldn’t be that bad anyway?

You need to tell her you can’t afford it. If you’re honest and show her the calculations then you can have a better discussion. You’re really unlikely to get live in for three days, but you might get live out or nanny share.

If it’s to assist her with tasks rather than sole care, would an Au pair be a better option?

If you're borrowing £300 a month from your mum and dad, you're going to get into a lot of debt pretty quickly. It doesn't sound very sustainable.

As a pp has said, you will have the child for 6 days out of every 14, so the maintenance requirement should be minimal. I don't think you need to contribute to the cost of her childcare on top of the maintenance - that's her lookout.

Eventually, you'll need more than a 1-bedroom flat, as you won't be able to share with your child indefinitely. Somehow, you need to find a way of saving up for that.

Why does she need a nanny? Is she returning to work? Nannies tend to be very expensive and not cost effective for just one child. Does she want a live in nanny because she feels she can’t cope with the baby on her own?

Will she be returning to work and thats why she wants a nanny?

If not then it a cost you cant afford.

The most affordable option is a childminder, which is much better for a baby than a nursery. There is also something called nanny shares where you could share a nanny with another family.

You will be ab,e to find a part time live in nanny, yes.

But if she’s not living there, sleeping there all of the days and doing her washing there etc. then she is not a live in nanny. And she will be working the three days and all of the nights she is expected to sleep there.

Does she want her to live in so she can look after the baby at night too? If so, it doesn’t really work like that. The nanny can’t look after the baby during the day and at night. She will need a night nanny too.

You would be foolish to fund this by borrowing money.

I think you both need to sit down and look at the financial side of this realistically

Why do you need a nanny or help looking after your child? Be prepared for your ex not to want to be apart from the baby, especially overnight? Is she going to breastfeed? What about contact before 6 months? Sounds very odd.

How pregnant is she? How much maternity leave is she going to take? You could be 18 months away from this being a problem. She will likely been very different about it nearer the time. Have a look at the child maintenance website and see how much it would cost in different scenarios. If you have been living together you need to think about your reasonable living costs first and get yourself sorted. Then work out what happens with your ex partner. You might find that your parents, once their grandchild arrives are perfectly happy to help pay for childcare. You will most certainly find that the child's mother will be happier for the baby to be cared for in her own home with you contributing towards that childcare.
Good luck