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Original poster

Baby won't be put down, struggling with toddler

22 replies

xxxParisexxx · 02/02/2019 21:30

Hi all baby is 3 weeks old, spent a week in NICU due to MAS
I have a (just) 3 year old girl who thrives on attention and doesn't do playing by herself however much I tried to prepare her in pregnancy.
I'm struggling to be able to put the baby down. If he is awake he is screaming or feeding and my daughter is feeling really put out that I can't put him down. He naps ok, in his cot or settee but takes a while to get him off. He won't lie on his mat or in a bouncy chair/swing for more than a min or 2 without full on screaming until picked up again when he settles almost straight away.
When he is asleep I then have to obviously do washing, housework, bottles etc and my 3 year old always asks me to play.
What am I doing wrong. How can I settle baby more? How can I stop my 3 year old feeling so bored and put out?
Thanks in advance xx

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PRoseLegend · 02/02/2019 21:32

You're not doing anything wrong, some babies are just very clingy and needy.
Baby wearing using a sling or a carrier would be good in this situation, babies are comforted by being close to mum, and you still have hands free to play with toddler and do housework.

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 02/02/2019 21:32

Forgot to add I have tried a sling (close caboo) and it killed my back and shoulders and baby was sweating x

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Karwomannghia · 02/02/2019 21:33

Gosh you’ve got a lot going on. I would recommend getting a sling you’re happy with and just keep baby in there all the time.

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Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 02/02/2019 21:51

Can you recommend another sling? Iv hired the caboo for a month but not a fan, kills my back and shoulders and he gets so hot in it x

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PRoseLegend · 02/02/2019 21:55

I don't know what brands are in the UK, as I'm in Australia. But I have heard that front carriers are easier on the back than slings.
Some brands that are popular in my mother's group are the KTan and the Ergo baby.

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 02/02/2019 21:57

He's only 3 weeks and around 9 and a half pounds x

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Karwomannghia · 02/02/2019 22:23

I x posted about the sling I didn’t realise you’d tried one. But if you did want to try another I loved my beco Gemini. The stretchy wraps were a bit like a straight jacket for me! I liked being able to get it on and off easily. My dd loved it. I think it’s ok from newborn.

Willow4987 · 02/02/2019 22:38

We used the baby bjorn which while it’s bulkier than a wrap style sling, I found it quite comfortable as it has back support and I was reassured that baby was safe and wouldn’t fall out (not to say they would out of a wrap style one, that’s just my paranoia)

KathyBates · 02/02/2019 23:04

Near me there is a sling library where you can get advice and try/ hire slings. Google to see if there is one local to you. I used a stretchy wrap when my LO was tiny; it was a pain in the backside to use but it allowed me to get on with some jobs when things started mounting up x

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 02/02/2019 23:33

I have borrowed the caboo from the sling library x

OP posts:

Ewanismydreamsheep · 03/02/2019 06:37

I’ve got a 14lb 3 month old and I’ve reasonably comfortably carried him in a Chico easy fit front carrier. I walked for a couple of hours and my shoulders aches a little bit readjusting the carrier helped. I have bought an ergobabu to replace it when he’s too big but I think he’s still slightly too small for it.

Reccy2018 · 03/02/2019 06:49

The Baby Bjorn One is comfortable on my back, and I made the switch from the caboo for the same reason

Starlight456 · 03/02/2019 06:56

If you borrowed from the library can you try something else.

I used baby carrier with my Ds. He hated been put down

lorisparkle · 03/02/2019 07:37

With ds2 I had to bounce him / rock him when I put him in his bouncy chair or pram and I also found white noise helped. I became quite adept at bouncing/rocking with one hand/foot whilst cooking/playing/talking to ds1. I really struggled with slings too - never really got comfortable with any but did use the baby bjorn a lot with ds3 who particularly liked up and down movements- I perfected a ‘silly walk’ for him!

Madeline88 · 03/02/2019 07:44

I had a solly baby wrap for when very small and then used a manduca front pack, both great :)

bonzo77 · 03/02/2019 08:15

The stretchy wraps and Caboo have Lycra so can be hot. Especially with all the layers. At this size I liked the connecta (I think they’re called something else now) as they are often all cotton they’ll be cooler. Ergo or similar are also good, but if baby is still small enough to need the infant insert you might find it hot too.

Whatamuddleduck · 03/02/2019 08:28

I’d go for a stretchy wrap at this age. Very secure and comfy when on right. You can leave sling on and just get baby in and out to save fiddling about all day x

Believeitornot · 03/02/2019 08:38

I had two slings and my newborn lived in them for the first 12 weeks as I had a toddler as well

You have to dress your baby and yourself in less with a sling. Also if your baby is small a ring sling is better or a structure one with a newborn insert. (I used a manduca which has a newborn bit inside for when they were smaller).
My dd was a naturallly hot baby so didn’t need much in clothes when in a sling - even in winter (December baby)

I also had to get it every single day and quickly got into a routine.

I’d get up with dh and have a shower. I’d prep as much food as possible in the morning while toddler either watched tv or “helped” - I basically set up the kitchen so the low cupboards were full of things he could pull out and play with. I didn’t cook for long and it was so things were sorted for when later in the day.

We’d then go out for a morning walk/park play or in the garden. Anything to tire out toddler. We’d get home then have lunch then nap. Then afternoon we’d play (ds loves messy play - I had a massive tray filled with porridge flakes (!) that he used as a sandpit, or I would put a load of things in the sink for him to wash up etc) or maybe go out again when the weather improved. Then a little bit of tv, dinner, bath then bed.

It got easier as spring approached and I could get out more. But basically I had to get out to save my sanity.

Ds also did nursery two mornings a week.

mustdrinkwaternotwine · 03/02/2019 08:39

This isn't unusual! It's a massive change for all of you. To an extent, the housework is just going to have to slip as, when the baby is napping, you will have to play with your DD a bit. However, she is of an age where "helping" you with jobs can be really exciting, especially if you point out that the baby can't do these things.
Has she started pre-school? At 3w things were still all over the place but by about 3mo (on a good day anyway) DC2 would be fed just before the walk to pre-school, fall asleep in his pram, stay asleep in the porch whilst I frantically raced around sorting out a load of washing, clearing up breakfast stuff, hoovered or, after a bad night, just sat on the sofa, drank tea and ate chocolate and then, when DC2 woke up, we were ready to face the day sort of.
I also did a lot of sitting down things with DC1. She had a doll and nappies for it and bottles and all sorts so spent quite a lot of time looking after her "baby". She did jigsaws & sticker books. I played "fetch" (throw a soft ball & she ran after it). She watched TV.
I also befriended anyone in the area who had a similar aged DC1 and a baby as they were equally desperate to keep their DC1 entertained and willing to meet at soft play/in the park/ just at each other's houses (and were oblivious to the squalor as their house was the same) and, most times, when one of the DC1 fell over/got stuck on a slide/squabbled one or other of us had a baby not actively screaming or feeding so could go & help.

MissyPG · 03/02/2019 08:44

I can’t really add anything that pp haven’t just to say it is tough, my DS is 4.5 months and DD will be 3 on Thursday. DS spent approx first 12 weeks in baby born sling, I also have an ergo baby which he now goes in if he won’t go over or is grumpy or if I just need 2 hands!

I also tried to involve my DD in day to day tasks around the house e.g. putting things in and out of washing, dusting/ cleaning glass, hoovering etc. She doesn’t seem to understand it’s work and thinks it’s fun (weird child 🤣) but it means that I get a bit more time with her xx

AprilShowers16 · 03/02/2019 08:52

Your not doing anything wrong, this is a hard time for you all adjusting. I used to put mine newborn in the bouncer and bounce with one hand while I played with my toddler with the other. Or I’d put baby in the pram or car and go out a lot so that baby would fall asleep and I could do things with toddler. You’re still in very early days though so it’s mostly about surviving each day and you’ll gradually find your rhythm

PerfectPeony · 04/02/2019 10:46

Ergo baby 360 is great- quite bulky when it has the newborn part in but I did have to wear this around the house and out for walks sometimes in the early day as my baby was (still is) very clingy.

I also had a fabric wrap that you tie around which I preferred to wear indoors- but that may not be too different from the one you already have.

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