Going back to work FT panic

[CJ1990]

Hello,

I’m just looking for positive stories of people who have gone back to work full time. I’m going back soon when daughter is 7 months. I thought I’d be ok with it. I love my job and I worked hard to get where I am. Plus money means I have to anyway. But I feel awful

1. I feel like I’m abandoning her
2. I worry I won’t get to spend any time with her at all and she’ll resent me
3. panic about the commute to pick her to from nursery / grandparents every day
4. grandparents are doing me a massive favour looking after her. I worry about some of the things they do. Nothing major just old ways of doing stuff. I know they mean well so I don’t say anything and she’ll be well looked after. But it makes me anxious. There’s been a few “hiccups” shall we say when they’ve minded her. She’s 6 months at the moment. Again I know they’re doing me a huge favour so I don’t want to dictate how they look after her.
5. how to hell am I going to do any housework without doing it at weekend without spending any time with her
6. shes really hard to get down for naps so I worry she’s not going to sleep and be miserable!

I’m just hoping my guilt isn’t justified and other full time mums have found it ok 😔I just feel so bad that other people will be bringing her up and she’s going to wonder when the heck I am / have been 😔

Could you afford a cleaner to free up your weekends?

I was thinking of a cleaner. Will have to see where money sits when I go back and get a proper wage again

I had a similar set of worries with DS1. I'm sorry to say I found it really hard to cope emotionally and with just the general housework stuff and ended up quite fed up. DH isn't a lazy arse round the house or anything either. Grandparents as childcare never sat well with me and it caused arguments when they would do things I had asked them not to.

Ultimately I got pregnant again quite quickly and changed everything after that may leave. I dropped to three days a week and DH dropped to four (compressed so not as bigger financial drop as it sounds). The DS's go to nursery on the two days we are both at work. Grandparents just do grandparenty things (bit of occasional babysitting) and we all get on better. We are just about coping financially but it will get easier when the boys go to school.

I suppose for me, it was about realising that it's actually ok to admit that working full time with a young family is hard. It's ok to admit that using family as childcare isn't always a great idea, and it's ok to admit that for now my children are more important than my job.

Give full time a go but if you need to rethink things down the line, there will be options. Neither me nor DH are high earners but we make it work ok and I feel so much more balanced.

Sorry, that wasn't very positive was it! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I work FT with 2 small kids, to be honest it's easier than staying at home! The housework isn't a massive issue as you and the kids aren't there all day messing the place up. My kids wake at 6 and we leave the house at 8.20, no major problems, get the dishwasher sorted and a load of washing done in that time. Hats off to the SAHM's I couldn't do it.

I'm worrying about this too OP. Just started back to work. DS is ten months today but has been attending nursery since 9 months.
I can work part time until the summer time (using my leave). But I'm already worrying about how I'll manage with full time work.

Spoke to DH this morning about getting a cleaner. I think this would make life much easier and mean we can spend more time with DS.

I have bought a timer for the slow cooker and slow cooker liners. Going to get cracking trying new slow cooker recipes

Going to meal plan and get groceries delivered once a week.

DH and I have agreed in the beginning that we will only use GPs for childminding max one day each. He will go to nursery the other three days. GPs are very keen to have a day each with DS. I'm hoping this will work well. And we can overlook minor things we do not agree on. I do find this easier now DS is a bit older. I would have struggled to leave him at a younger age as there is a difference in "parenting" styles between us and one of the GPs. Plus it means we don't have to spend our whole wend making sure we visit both sets of GPs.

DSs sleeping at the nursery has been a struggle over the past month. However it s definitely improving and he slept in a cot for them yesterday morning for an hour and a half. He seems so happy when I go to collect him. I know it is for the best and there is no way I could provide the same level of interaction and stimulation for him at home. He is very much an only child.

I thoroughly enjoyed the journey to work yesterday and it was lovely to have a tea break and then my lunch whilst chatting to colleagues.

I did think about DS all day though and was itching to pick him up by the end of the day. He was so excited when he seen me he pulled himself across the floor at lightning speed to get to me and his eyes lit up. I didn't know whether to be happy or to cry. But I just keep telling myself lots of people are in the same boat as us OP. And I know plenty of lovely, well adjusted children whose parents have always worked full time.

Going back to work after a baby largely depends on how much you enjoy your job I think.

When I went back FT after DC1 I loved my job and being back was ok. I got into the swing of it and was pleased to be back. I did find housework hard, as well as life admin and had very little downtime, but it was worth it for the job I loved. I was made redundant and moved to another FT job that I didn't enjoy and it was infinitely harder.

When I went back part time to a brand new job after DC2 it was easier and I had a great work life balance but I hated the job.

I'm now on mat leave 3 and don't want to return to the above role. I love being around children so I've just submitted an application to become a childminder. I'm planning to start off part time and see how it goes. I'd prefer to stay part time and have the best possible work life balance but we'll have to see about that.

You need a strategy. Put a budget together now to see what your income and expenditure will be. If you can afford a cleaner then get one. If you can budget for a car valet then do it. If you can meal plan in your lunch break and shop online it will help. Life admin is the thing that sucked the life out of me. Even now I seem to have masses to do (but that's probably because I have a 3mo attached to me all the time and 2 other children).