5 weeks post baby, is it normal to feel like this?

[AubreyBeardsley]

I had my baby 5 weeks ago and the delivery was very traumatic and scary. I was pretty much unconscious for hours after and don't remember much of the birth, holding him for the first time, feeding him etc. He was taken off me and given to his dad as I started haemorrhaging and we didn't have much skin to skin etc. For the next 12 or so hours I was delirious and terrified and couldn't talk properly let alone hold him.

He's now 5 weeks old and it still hasn't sunk in that I've had a baby and that he's mine. I'm feeling pretty good mentally- not down or depressed. I look at him and think he's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, and that I love him loads- I miss him when I'm not in the same room as him. BUT I still feel like I'm in a dream and it's not really real. Feel spaced out often too, not helped by lack of sleep and difficult physical recovery. I think this is also partially because it was not totally planned (although very very much wanted) pregnancy.

Is this normal? When does it go/when will it sink in that he's mine and that it's all real?! I'm worried that it's affecting my bonding with him and that I'll look back and won't remember any of these first few weeks. I want to experience all of it fully but at the moment it's kind of like I'm looking down on myself and I'm not really 'in it' if that makes sense.

I think it's pretty normal for a traumatic delivery , my birth was pretty traumatic and It took a good few months for a bond to form , I just didn't feel a connection

I barely remember the first few weeks with DC1 or DC2
It was a blur of sleep deprivation, midwives/drs/health visitor, family visits, the feeding minefield, physical recovery and baby poop and puke.
I think after about 6-8 weeks when sleep and feeding began to take on some kind of pattern and a new order began to form around new addition that I began to notice how cute they were and how much I loved them

Before that I was basically thoroughly disoriented and disorganised and felt like I was sleep walking

Even now I forget to notice them in the blur of life/money/keeping house/study/work etc. And then they do something amazing- say a new word, read a new word, crawl, walk, run, do a cartwheel and I'm bowled over all over again.

So I guess I'm still waiting for it to sink in

Disoriented is very much it. From the outside everyone's telling me how amazing I'm doing, the house is clean, we're up and washed and out of the house every day etc but I feel a bit like I'm just on autopilot and not actually taking anything in. I think I did have that 'oh my god this is the most amazing thing ever' moment when he was placed on my chest for the first time but I can barely remember it. Maybe it's just going to take some time to come to terms with it all

Totally normal.

It's felt more natural as DD has got bigger (she's 2) and I feel like I'm spending time with an actual person rather than a bundle of needs!

A bundle of needs

Omg yes, sometimes that's exactly how a newborn feels
Much prefer toddlers/children

A bit apprehensive about them becoming pre teens/ teens but got a little way to go yet

Sounds familiar to me. We are 10 weeks in and some normality returning. Lots of details about the birth (c section) and immediate time afterwards I couldn't remember until my DP told me. Keep going and take time for yourself when you can get it (even if it's just having a cup of tea in the kitchen).