Help :(

[Firsttimerwales]

Morning all.

I realize this is called mum's net, but I thought I'd ask here anyway.

I'm a first time dad. We tried to conceive for 2 year's, suffered 3 misscarriage's and now have a beautiful baby boy who's 3 months old.

He suffers with reflux and is on infant Gaviscon which has helped a little, although he is still sick. The last week he has been very unsettled from 6 until bedtime, the time's I see him as I work 7.30 until 6.

I was an abused child, only had a mother who was a drug addict, never got any love so my childhood is tainted by nightmares and crying.

So, my past is now haunting me and I am petrified that my baby boy doesn't like me as I just cannot comfort him, the other half always has to do this as he just won't settle with me. At first I was okay, but now I find it hurtful, upsetting and it's making me angry. I simply don't know what to do.

I know I'm being stupid, he's a baby, but it just reminds me of me crying so much as a kid and I always take crying as a bad thing. It probably doesn't help thatg I'm autistic, but I just need advice.

Kind regards :)

It’s the witching hour. Many babies and children get over tired and grumpy at this time of day. It’s completely normal. Without being cruel his Mum is also is world at this age but many babies just cry and cry at this time of night.

Try songs and cuddles in sling. Also look at cat in a tree pose.

Is the gaviscon working and not causing constipation? If not than Rantitadine maybe better for him.

Poor you. I know a lot of dad’s struggle at this stage and that’s without any personal history affecting them. Please please don’t take it personally if your son doesn’t settle with you. Think about it this way. He spent 9 months attached as a part of his mother and he’s only be out for 3 months. His mother is his world as PP says but don’t give up trying! He’s not crying because he doesn’t like you. He knows who you are and he will love you but right now he just needs his mum a little more. Stick with it, it will get easier for you to settle him in time and as PP says it’s VERY normal for babies to be super grumpy in the evenings! It will pass!

Can you leave a jumper that smells of you with the baby? Ask mum to put it with the baby/in the crib etc so that he gets comfortable with the smell of you?

a the 6pm crazy hour. My DD screamed from 5.30pm till 3.00am straight, for 6 weeks. No-one could comfort her. We then were able to control her reflux (she also had KISS syndrome from forceps delivery). Gaviscon made her constipated (we combo-fed BF and bottle, Gaviscon blocked up the teat of the bottle, it was a nightmare). We ended up given her Aptamil Comfort, she still puked but it left her full for longer (less screaming).
It's not personal, trust me. It's soul-destroying, but eventually, it will get better. have you tried white noise? (we blew the fuse on our extractor hood :-))

Would probably be a good idea to get help from a counsellor or psychologist

It’s tough when they are little and will only settle for mum. My DS1 was like this for a few months. Don’t take it to heart, but just keep persevering. As PP suggested can you wrap him in a stretchy sling and stick him in your coat and get out for a walk in the evening. My DS also suffered with reflux and this was the only way to settle him in the evenings. Alternatively pop him in the pray and walk round the block. Also echo the idea of leaving something that smells of you for him to get used to. Just because bub is naturally more connected at this stage doesn’t mean he won’t need/ want to spend time with you in the future. You sound like a great Dad. Hang in there - it will get easier x