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Parenting

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Original poster

How did you know you were done??

23 replies

xxxParisexxx · 31/01/2019 10:56

Hi all, I have a 3 year old girl and a 3 week old baby boy. Before we had him we had discussed my partner having the snip as felt we would be happy with just 2.
We have been together 14 years, only have a 2 bed and couldn't afford a third anytime soon. I'm 30 in March.
I feel like our family is complete but also feel very sad of the thought of never being pregnant/having Another baby again. I can't use hormone contraception so would only be the coil which iv never had before.
Is it normal to feel sad even if u feel like your family is complete? I'm not 100% sure lol

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dreamyflower · 31/01/2019 11:04

Hiya, just wanted to say I feel the same. I have 2 boys: 2 year old and a 12 week old. DH and I always said 2 and career wise and financial wise we said we'd stop at two. I also had 2 difficult pregnancies with c-section so I know my body wouldn't do well pregnant again. I still feel sad though and find myself thinking 'with the next one I would do..'

I always said I would stop at 2 so no idea where these thoughts are coming from. I love babies though. Anyway not much help to you, just thought I would say you're not alone. I'm also 30. 😊

Eminybob · 31/01/2019 11:07

I’ve just had DC2 and I know there is no way I will be having another. We only ever wanted 2, I’m 40 next year so feel that I would be too old for another, we struggled conceiving both times so there is already a bigger gap between the 2 than I would like, if we had 3 we would need a bigger house and we can’t afford to move. Plus I am in newborn sleep deprived hell currently so have no desire to put myself through this again.
So lots of reasons for me, but everyone is different.
To be honest, I actually really enjoy pregnancy so I’m a bit gutted I’ll never do that but again, but have no desire for another child.

SoyDora · 31/01/2019 11:12

Just had number 3 and just know for certain that I’m done. I don’t want to be pregnant again, I don’t want to go through labour again and I don’t want to go through the sleepless nights again (obviously in the thick of them at the moment!). I feel very lucky that I’ve had three healthy babies with no serious issues during pregnancy and relatively straightforward labours.
DH on the other hand would have another if I was up for it.

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Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 31/01/2019 11:16

I was sterilised at 29 after my fourth. For me, it was for health reasons as I'd had four sections and the recovery was longer and more painful with each one. I also thought four young kids was enough for me and I wanted to focus on them and watch them grow up before making more time for myself when they're older without having young children.
I'm 31 now and I can honestly say I'm not broody and wouldn't want to be pregnant or have a newborn again.

WYP2018 · 31/01/2019 11:19

I’ve got three children and know that I’m done. I loved the youngest’s baby stage and really treasured it, but I am happy to be leaving pregnancy/babyhood behind and look forward to watching them all grow up. I had a big gap between numbers 2 and 3 though, and always had that yearning for another in the gap.

LeticiaDejeuner · 31/01/2019 11:21

I already have 4 and I'll be 40 later this year so it's a no-brainer for me, really. Plus there is NO WAY I want to be pregnant and give birth again, even though I had a really straightforward, pleasant time and enjoyed it, I just don't need to go there again. Saying that, I adore little babies and I do feel sad that I'll never have another one of my own... but I can't keep having them just for that reason!!

And, as a mother of 4, I think that no matter how many children you have, there is always going to be a feeling of "but what if I'd had just one more.." and that's just something you have to make your peace with. Mine are all boys, so I'll always wonder how many I'd have had to have before I got a girl... but I'll never know the answer to that one, so instead I'm crossing my fingers for some lovely daughters-in-law one day...

Starface · 31/01/2019 11:23

I personally had my biggest wobble just after the last was born. Definitely connected with It being the last. Head knew it should be - very tough last pregnancy, ages of me & DH, would struggle with work and a fourth. But but said my heart. Having a baby is nice, mat leave is nice, will I really never have a son? But the further on I get from the birth, that voice in my heart gets quieter. The head is winning. And I really hated my pregnancy the whole year was tough and I don't really want to do that again. I am done.

thatsmyspace · 31/01/2019 11:24

After my 4th I knew I would have another because I wanted her to have a sibling that she could grow up with (others were 9/11/12 years older)
5th pregnancy/ birth was horrendous and I was certain that was it. Looked into having my tubes tied because I hate contraception (it turns me into a beast) decided to wait a year to make sure I still felt the same. That child is now 2 and I still haven't done it 🙈 dh keeps saying "let's just have one more and then that's it" I've always wanted 6 but the thought of starting all over again makes me feel a bit sick! But I don't want to regret not doing it that one last time. My mum hugely regrets not having two more between my brother and sister (10 years age gap) so I don't want to get to her age and regret it. It's only one more after all 🙈

OMGithurts · 31/01/2019 11:25

You're not even 30 and you're full of post natal hormones. There's no rush to decide. Wait til your youngest is coming 3, and you're out of sleepless nights and shitty nappies and are getting your life back a bit and see how you feel.

My two are 4 and almost 2 and as much as I love and adore them, the physical, psychological, financial and mental impact of a third would break me.

blueskiesandforests · 31/01/2019 11:28

The surgeon who did my third caesarean told me another pregnancy could well kill me due to the state of my scaring, then told DH separately the same thing in case I hadn't been in a fit state to register what he'd said in the recovery room.

That and the following 2.5 years without more than a 2 hour maximum stretch of sleep pretty much did it

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 31/01/2019 11:29

It's very normal to feel that way.
I have two and really couldn't afford a third in terms of money, space or emotional resources.
Plus I absolutely adore the two I have and the life we have together.
DH is in for the snip this month and I still feel very bitter sweet.
Mine are a bit older than yours and we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel so I'm trying to focus on all the things we can do once the youngest is at school. Work more hours, have some extra money, start saving for their future etc...
Totally get where your coming from though!

Huntawaymama · 01/02/2019 11:44

I used to want loads of kids when I was young. After having dd1 it took me a long time to want another because o was so happy with her. DD2 is 7m and we're definitely done, husband has already had the snip

Ever since DD2 has been born, in fact since I found out I was expecting her I've known I'm done. I used to think "yay I'll never have to go through morning sickness again" while spewing up at 10 weeks.

Since she was born I've been so content and delighted to say to people that I'm done

buffysummers4 · 01/02/2019 16:52

I am definitely done! Two caesareans, a younger one who didn't sleep through till one, no local relatives to help. Already struggling to juggle the two at times etc school events where younger siblings are banned, so that would only get worse with another one. We both come from two child families so I guess this seems normal to both of us. We are totally in agreement. I am petrified of having a contraceptive failure, am attempting to get an appointment for a coil if I can ever get past the receptionists and find a time where I don't have to take two under 5s with me.... If I don't get on with the coil husband will have the snip

RiddleyW · 01/02/2019 16:54

I only have one but DH doesn’t want another (and I wouldn’t split over it) so I know I’m done. I’m a bit sad though!

buffysummers4 · 01/02/2019 16:55

And yy to thinking 'I never have to do this again' with sleepless nights particularly!! Mentally skipped (physically hobbled...) out of maternity unit while thinking 'yay I never have to come back here again'. I guess for some people the decision might be more gradual but it was a very easy one for us.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 01/02/2019 17:10

I said 30 was my cut off point, I have 3 DSs, I was 29 when the youngest was born. He's now nearly 10 and no way I could go back to nappies etc now. Like a pp I'm also hoping for nice daughter in laws in the future.

Ragwort · 01/02/2019 17:13

Even before I gave birth to my first child I knew I would never, ever want another & 18 years later I do not regret my choice at all . Too old now but I would never have wanted another pregnancy, not that it was particularly bad, but perfectly happy with one child.

SongforSal · 01/02/2019 17:20

Yes. Dp and I have a 14 and 18yr old. I'm 36 and broody as hell again. I would have another, or Foster or adopt in a heartbeat as I still feel like I have a lot of parenting and a lot to give still in me.
Dp says no. My friends and family think it's a bit of empty nest going on as the eldest is at uni.

daipaned · 01/02/2019 20:12

I thought I'd want to carry on having babies forever but DC4 I was done.
I am happy to snuggle a squishy newborn, pass it back and leave without that 'I want one' niggle in the back of my mind.

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 01/02/2019 21:22

Thanks for all your replies.
May be we should leave the snip appointment until my hormones have calmed a bit!
I feel extremely lucky to have my 2 and my first has always been a good sleeper (the baby is ok atm but too soon to tell lol)
I just feel very sad I'll never do it again so maybe, but unless finances etc change in the next couple of years then I would be sticking with 2 anyway

OP posts:

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 02/02/2019 12:43

"May be we should leave the snip appointment until my hormones have calmed a bit!"

I think this is a really god idea. I'm actually very glad DH has held off until I'm safely clear of the baby/toddler stage.
It would have felt desperately sad at an earlier time, I think. Hard to explain exactly why

MrsM36 · 02/02/2019 20:45

Hubby & I always said we'd stop at 2 but after having DD2, I pretty soon (like within in a couple of months) knew that I wanted another... the thought of her being my last and not holding another newborn again really got to me. I knew that hubby didn't really want another so I pushed it to the back of my mind (apart from the occasional wobble) and got on with raising my 2 girls and having fun with my horses. Fast forward 10 years and our 3rd DD is 4months old today... she was our happy surprise and as much as I am delighted she's here & now can't imagine our lives without her, I can quite happily say "that's it...no more" I have absolutely no desire to go through pregnancy again (even though I've had 3 fab pregnancies & recovered quickly after all 3). So for me i can definitely say I know I'm done now.

SpeedyBojangles · 02/02/2019 20:52

Thought we were done at 2 but changed our minds and DC3 was born 3 months ago.

Definitely done now. Three c sections and don't fancy another!

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