2 Mum or not 2 Mum?

[Goodynuf]

I'm a well educated young-ish woman. I am incredibly fortunate to have a secure job, home and partner. Recently married, the next expected step in our life would be to have a baby. We talk about this regularly! Usually me bringing it up!!! Now, my partner has always said if I want to have a child and get broody then he'd happily be a Dad, great stuff 😊👍 and for what it's worth I can't think of a better father figure, he's #amazeballs❤...BUT...do we get on with it?! I'd love to be a Mum, but I'm all too aware of the downsides thanks to family and friends sharing experiences... Our life is lovely as it is. But.. Times ticking, next decade is my fourth so I'm in that typical dilemma 2 mum or not 2 mum that is the question!!!...Sometimes I think it's a selfish thing to just think I'd like a child and therefore just to go and have one?! We're over populated, killing our planet and all... And the obvious question: what if I suck at being a mum?!?! Also, I really love my own time and I know parenting never stops, some days I think I'm also far too selfish for this sort of thing?! Anyone else in the same dilemma or have any advice?

I have a 4 month old. It’s so hard. I mourn my old life. Hubby wanted to get a dad and I thought it’d be okay, not easy but okay. It’s so hard!

Depends what you are like as a person, maternal etc.

Awww what are you currently finding hard? X

Practically speaking it can be harder than you think to conceive.

I was in my late twenties when we started trying after we were married. Fast forward to 4 years and one round of IVF later our baby finally arrived.

We still have ‘unexplained infertility’ so there’s no medically diagnosed cause - it just wasn’t happening

Of course you could be the complete opposite and fall pregnant immediately!

Just thought I’d share my experience as I thought I’d be pregnant within a year and thinking about my second by now...

My answer would depend on how old you are.

I pretty much did everything I wanted to do before being a mum and happy to stay in.

The loneliness. My freedom of doing what I want when I want. Baby constantly needing me.

Two years ago I faced the exact same dilemma, word for word almost. I loved my own time, holidays and going out. But I didn't have a maternal bone in my body, I felt having a baby was just the next step. Anyway after a truly awful day at work, almost two years to the day, I said to my husband 'let's do it, it might take months/years so what's the harm in trying'.
I now have the most gorgeous 10 month old son who I would not change for anything. I'm not going to lie, it's bloody tough and giving up my own time has been a massive adjustment but, he's a truly amazing little boy and I'm in constant awe of how much he is changing. The early days were tough and I remember when DS was about three weeks old having a serious conversation with my husband about adoption. Of course now I look back and think how silly I was but in those 5 minutes I couldn't fathom how I could do this for the rest of my life.
I am aware I was incredibly lucky to fall pregnant so quickly but did have a fairly difficult pregnancy.
My husband is also great and shares a lot of the baby duties and honestly I would have really struggled if he hadn't have been so hands on.
I definately don't want to do it again but I couldn't imagine not having my son in my life.
Good luck OP x

I think it's a case of whether you feel you have got everything that you need to do that isn't child friendly out of your system. Plus, what I would say is that once you have a child your interests might naturally change anyway so you won't mourn your old life. Now I have a 1 yr old, I only want to do things that involve him so I'm don't feel I'm missing out by being unable to do what I used to do before IYSWIM

Same as you, finally got to the stage where I was very happy with my career, not paid much, I'm self employed but love what I do, my husband and I were in a good place. We both love to travel, have lie ins. I actively had no interest in babies or toddlers but irrationally wanted one of my own. We had a daughter months ago. The birth was awful and the first couple of months I seriously regretted it. I absolutely love and need my sleep so even though she's a good sleeper, even waking up. Just once a night was too much for me! Now, a few months down the line, she's a joy to be around, very cute and I've managed to maintain the things I want out of life. But our set of circumstances and choices have helped I've kept my job, (I didn't really have a proper maternity leave), split childcare 50/50 with my husband who works a bit less. Neither of us feels that they've shouldered the burden or had to give up anything. We have a childminder one or two days a week (that's what we can afford) and make the most of that time. I have my family that can help when I travel for work, it's a bit of a faff as they don't live close so leave the baby with them. I combined fed for two months then exclusively bottle fed which meant I wasnt strapped to the baby. Got her into a good routine in the evening so we can chill out and watch films before going to bed. Lastly, we are most probably not going to have another child. I can't stress enough that different things work for different people. But in my case, all those things mean I've not felt that I've had to compromise that much on certain things that matter to me. However there is no getting around the responsibility it is though! Hope that helps x

Its a tricky one. I think as other posters have said you need to have a think and figure out if you have done everything you want to do as a childless couple - any travelling or partying etc. Because it will be a lot harder to do with a baby around. Also consider how having a baby will impact your finances, mental health, relationship with your partner and living arrangements.

We decided to try for a baby 2 Aprils ago. We are not well off at all, and we live in a rented house, but as I have PCOS and am the wrong side of 30 so we thought we needed to do it soon-ish. We'd always said we'd have children someday. Amazingly we conceived first time and now we have a wonderful 1 year old son.

I can't stress enough that parenting is the hardest job in the world, its 24h a day 7 days a week with no holidays. Your time is no longer your own and you kind of just put yourself on the bottom of the pile automatically. Is sleep a big issue for you? It is me - I fall apart without enough, so we had to have some back up in place (hello MIL!)

Its also a BIG strain on any relationship so you need to have a big talk and work out some strategies with your DH. You need to plan for things like childcare (who will do it and when, what you can afford to pay for / are comfortable paying for) what you will do if your baby is sick, what you will do if you need a C section and can't drive. In my experience if these things are spoken about and decided fairly ahead of the baby's arrival - all parties are prepared.

sorry - long!

Is this a genuine post? It seems very #impersonal ...

I wasn't sure for a while, then one day I suddenly got the urge. If you don't have the urge yet (or ever) don't bother. It does alter your life, your career and your marriage in good and bad ways. Personally I find it 50% joy and 50% hard work. You have to want it otherwise you'll wonder why you turned your life upside down.

Average Human....why so? I am not seeing that at all. Please enlighten me.

@AverageHuman yes it is. Glad I'm articulate enough to sound like a robot and disguise my personality to remain anonymous 😉

I've done some incredible things in my life. I mean, I haven't won a Nobel peace prize or anything but I've had some incredible experiences, a fantastic job, a really great and fulfilling life. But hands down being my daughters parent is the best thing I've ever done.

People are so quick to tell you the negative side of parenting and yeah, it's bloody hard sometimes. But it's also amazing, incredible, fascinating, funny and brilliant.