Bit of an odd question but...

[bumblebee1987]

I'm expecting my second child, a DD. She's an IVF baby who took six years to 'make' (that feels very clumsily worded!) and she is very much wanted, so we're extremely grateful that we will have her with us soon as we really never thought it was going to happen at all!

I know this is probably ridiculous, but I'm a bit worried about how I will feel about her compared with my six and a half year old?! We have been a family of three for a long time, and we love him more than anything, and I feel like a bit of a traitor?! Please don't take this the wrong way, we are all extremely excited and cannot wait to meet her, she is already hugely loved by everyone! However, I'm just wondering whether that primal love for a second child kicks in with quite the same immediate force that it does with your first? Or does it take a little while? I love her already, of course, but I don't yet love her in the way that I love my DS. I suppose it's because we haven't actually met properly yet?

Argh, sorry, waffling. I'm hormonal and can't sleep and probably worrying unnecessarily!

this is a common fear (though I never had it myself...I was so keen to give DD1 a sibling that I'd have felt guilty if I didn't!)

Your second child is a completely different person. Your feelings for them are completely different. No less intense....just not the same. If you had a third child, then your feelings for that child would be different again.

I never loved my second child any less though...it's immediate.

Well, this is totally normal worry. It's not related to ivf or long wait, it's how all of us felt moving from PFB child to second child arriving . You'll be fine, there is enough love to go around and it just increases.

PFB will love new baby so there'll be extra love abound in there too. Of course he'll feel a bit, 'hey I had my mum/dad to myself' at times but that will be occasional and believe me, it will pass after short periods when it raises as you (as kind sensitive parents)) will make sure both DCs get attention.

Thank you both, that is hugely reassuring! It's just been playing on my mind a lot recently, and making me feel so guilty! Guilty for DS that we could possibly love another like we love him, but also guilty for her in case we don't!

DS already tells me constantly how much he loves her, and he has chosen her name too, so he's clearly very happy , so I probably just need to stop worrying about it!

With every child you have your heart stretches and grows and you find that you can love them all the same but in different ways ❤️

I can second what ladybird thinks. I felt the same.

I never had this. I don’t get it tbh, love is not finite. I think you are overthinking.

I felt exactly the same as you. We have 9 years between DC1&2. I had a traumatic experience delivering DC1 and feel it affected my ability to bond with him in the beginning and I had PND. I prepared myself for the worst and it didn't happen. We bonded immediately and our little family simply expanded with love flowing in every direction. I needn't have worried.