Relatively large Gap in Ages between Children - I'm in a strange space

[Lavenderdays]

I have had my last dc late (mid 40's). I also have a teenager and a junior school age child. I seem to be occupying a strange space at the moment. I don't regret have my baby - he is a wonderful gift but when I look around at my friends (youngest child is now 8), I get a slight twinge of envy that they are able to do more things/getting a bit of life back again. Don't get me wrong, some of my friends say that they envy me having a baby when they would have loved another and I honestly do realise how fortunate I am but I feel left behind in some ways and I think several months of sleepless nights are at last taking their toll. Knowing dc to be my last child and how time passes so quickly, I throw myself into everything but I haven't been particularly successful in making any new friends with babies/toddlers (I only attend one baby group so far) and this is the third time I will be dealing with the terrible twos etc...and I know how difficult that can be! I don't have any extended family, so I guess I am very much alone in terms of additional support (I do have a hardworking dh), perhaps I am also adjusting to having 3 dcs in the mix as well and feeling a bit daunted especially given the age gap between my children. Just wondering if anyone can relate...I've not met any older mums/dads in rl recently, so it would be good to hear from a few on mumsnet.

Hi, I had my little one when I was 43, I now have a 5 year old and a 15 year old.

I survived, I’m absolutely loving having a second bite at the cherry as I had no clue st what I was doing with my first child.

Yes terrible twos is a challenge but I was in a happier and stronger place to tackle it.
It absolutely flies by and is over before you realise it.

It’s fine.

Hi Crosser, thanks for that...I know what you mean about being in a happier and stronger place now...just think I'm feeling a bit daunted...glad you've had such a positive experience x

Anyone else?

7 year gap between DC3 and DC4. DC4 will only just have started secondary when we retire. I do slightly envy other friends and family who will be empty nesters by then. But wouldn’t have missed DC4 for anything.

I also had a teenager and a junior school age child when my last was born. I often comment that I had 3 only children as the older children were at school during the newborn stage so there was lots of one on one time with my baby without feeling guilty that I was not spending enough time with my other children. It was also great to have someone that would happily watch the baby for 10 minutes while I had a shower.

I did find it a challenge to find school holiday activities to entertain across the range of ages - my teenager found it cute to come to the farm with her baby brother once or twice whereas keeping a toddler entertained at a trampoline park was interesting.

Little DS was in Reception class when his big sister went off to university and he missed her so much but they have an amazing bond. He's now at senior school and missing his other sister while she's at university.

Lots of positives in there Woolly, to which I can relate.

There is no way I would be without dc3, they arrived after a lot of fertility issues etc. and have made my life overall happier than what it would have been.
I think I'm probably in a difficult stage with dc3 (baby) and most probably I have the peri-menopause kicking in, which doesn't put me in a good place, when all I want to do is crawl into a dark place alone sometimes! Might consider low level AD, if my mood does not pick up, I feel irritable much of the time and prefer my own company by and large, I also find it easier to be at home with baby than venture out (baby is crawling but not walking) but then obviously, I run the risk of becoming isolated. I am an older mum - a lot of women are having children later these days I know, but on the school run, with dc2, I am surrounded by much younger mums, whilst the mums of about the same age as me are seeing their dcs move up to secondary school...I miss them on the school run, seeing them around, they work now many of them because their lives are in a different place and I'm getting the feeling of being left behind/not able to get out and meet new friends through the interests I have/or work p/t or whatever, I've not been successful in meeting people I get on with through baby groups etc but will give some more a try soon. I know time goes fast and I intend to enjoy dc3 as much as possible but it can be difficult when you are in the thick of things, cant it...there is a tendency for the grass to always be greener. I know I have another precious little person, I need to hold onto that x

I had the (to me) strange experience of being the youngest Mum in my friendship group with DD1, older side of average with DD2 and definitely the oldest (by about 10 years) with DS.

I went to a couple of baby groups with DS. They were ok but I can't say I made any lasting friends. The best ones were toddler music and dance groups at my local family centre - there were enough activities to join in and be sociable but I didn't have to sit for an hour and hold conversations with strangers. Rhyme time at the library was good too.

Thanks Woolly, I guess it can work both ways! With dc3, I feel like I'm the oldest by about 10 years also but there are probably one or two who are nearer to age than me than I think. It just feel like I am the only having this experience and as I said, it just feels like a strange space and that I'm a bit out on a limb. There is a local music group, I'm going to try it when dc gets a bit older (in a few months), I'm not opposed to befriending people who are younger than me, it seems that I naturally gravitate towards people who are older, so usually end up talking to the grandparents!

I think it's made worse by the fact that I am currently on maternity leave (and plan to extend it...long and complicated) so I have time to reflect (in a way) about friendships etc. whereas when I was at work, I never really gave much thought to meeting people (except my one or two very good friends), a bit lazy really but I suppose I got social interaction from my work colleagues and didn't really need to go searching for it. For some reason, I seemed to able to make a few friends with my first dc and met one of my now very good friends at one.

My DD were 13 and 15 when we DS - they hated the idea but fell madly in love with him when he arrived. We found it to be quite marvellous contraception as both DD realised the work involved with a baby. They loved taking him out and found it funny when judgyarseholes people would ask about their baby. It was the right time for us and I wasn't interested in any one else's view so didn't feel so odd. I was a teenage mum and had a hard time adjusting to being a mum to my DD so it was great and empowering to have a child with confidence and surety of knowing what we were doing. Enjoy 💐