Very inappropriate word at school (possible trigger)

[somersetsoul]

My daughter is in year 6 (11) and the word rape has been used by 2 boys twice in the last week. My dd was told yesterday a boy was going to do it to her. The teacher phoned and explained it to me. My dd hadn't mentioned it as she knew it had been dealt with and I don't think she knows what it means.

Both boys have been dealt with and parents spoken to.

I think yesterdays was the boy copying last weeks incident. They are all due to go to an of site activity centre for a week in May. The boys included, I'm not keen now for my dd to go.

Wwyd? Also, what would you expect the school to do? I'm more angry now I've thought about so am going in this morning...

I wouldn't punish your child for something other children have said! I imagine she'd be heartbroken not to go and not really understand why.

With regards to the school, wait and see how things pan out. A stern word and talking to their parents may have helped the boys understand what they have done.

Personally by year six I would be explaining what it means - people forcing other people to do sexual things they don't want to- as she'll be old/mature enough to understand bullying, etc. I think that when they are taught about sex they also (at an age appropriate level) need to be told about consent.

As for the residential, May is a looonnnggg way off in the life of a 10/11 year old and this will all be forgotten.

It is the contex the word was used in that was in appropriate the word itself is not. I would be explaining to my 11 year old exactly what the word means so she can use her knowledge to protect herself in the future. The school seem to be dealing with the situation, so don’t stop your daughter going away.

I am a Y6 teacher. I’ve experienced kids this age using this word inappropriately countless times.

It’s extremely upsetting and a difficult one to deal with. I’d be raging if another child said that to me own daughter. I’d want to know the context of why/when it was said, and if the child saying it knows the meaning, or if they are using it in another slang type of way. It doesn’t make it acceptable but it does make it slightly easier to digest.

From my experience, I’ve heard kids (boys in my case) using it to mean they were going to get one over the other person. Like I’m going to win, I’m going to wipe the floor with you etc. In my case, the children did not know the true meaning and had heard it used on YouTube and from older siblings.

The action taken by us as a school was obviously an apology to the person who it was said to and education in the true meaning. When they found this our, they were in disbelief let me tell you.

Obviously it depends on the specifics of your situation. That is just my experience. It was a thoroughly unpleasant experience but in Y6, you never know what will come up next and it seems to get worse every year...

I would speak to the school as you are rightly doing, find out the facts and the reasons and insist on some education for everyone. They’ll be doing Sex Ed soon anyway, after SATs. Then make your decision for the residential trip.

Good luck OP, a horrible situation, none of us parents want to hear our children have had to hear such things but speak openly
and honestly to the school and I am sure it will be resolved.

Sorry, a few typos on there.

Thanks all. It's not a word I ever would have thought she'd hear at this age. Interesting to hear other parents and teachers perspectives.

It wasn't used in the correct context and the teachers believe it was heard on TV and is just the new thing to look clever. They've been really good.

I'm not going to take any action. The school are dealing with it. If its said again by either boy then it will be a different story... Really appreciate the comments.

Have your children never heard the news come on in the radio? I'm very surprised they have never heard this word. I have already had to explain it a bit to my 7yo in the context of a radio news item in the car - I said it was a form of extreme violence against a person, and a crime, and at 7 that's all she needs to know, but she has heard the word.

You need to explain the meaning to her. In september she will be exposed to all sorts of horrific chat at secondary.

Thanks all. It's not a word I ever would have thought she'd hear at this age.

Really? I find that pretty surprising.

I have two 11 yos a boy and a girl. They know what rape is. I’ve already started discussing the concept of consent and rape myths with them.

I would be volcanically furious if a boy threatened to rape my daughter.

When I was at school 15 years ago, the boys (in particular) used this word to mean "get one over on" or "embarrassingly defeat." My best friend used the phrase "financially raped" to mean unfair split of money with one's partner just the other day. It is a shocking word but it does have other colloquial meanings, although all unpleasant and seem to mean "do something nasty without consent", much like "murder" or "rob". Sorry your daughter had to hear it and glad school are taking it seriously.

I taught a Year 6 boy who said the word to a fellow pupil a few years ago. When dealing with the situation afterwards, it became clear he had no real understanding of the word. He sat in our heads office and sobbed pretty much for the whole afternoon. He was completely mortified and ashamed of himself. He meant no real malice to the other child he said it to. He’d clearly been exposed to the word himself but definitely had no handle on its real meaning.

Is awful but its not actually an uncommon occurrence. Some chn of this age are being exposed to language and sexualised content far before the are ready to understand. It’s really sad. I think trusting that the school are handling the situation is the right course of action, but definitely speak to the school of the boys say it again.

We experienced this in DS2's year when they were in year 6. They don't really know what they are saying. I spoke to the school and was told its very common but they'd talk to the year group about it and explain it wasn't appropriate.

wait until next year when they go into year 7 and the c word gets thrown around...

I don't even think the school has dealt with this before. I never imagined she'd hear it this young. Maybe I'm too naive but the other parents were shocked as well.

Thanks for your comments.