No support offered?

[Firstimemama]

Hi, I'm looking for thoughts on this because I feel like I'm turning very bitter towards family members because of this. I have a six month old son who is still waking every two hourly and suffers with eczema so me and my partner don't get much sleep! (Expected but not to this extreme) my family are aware of the situation and that some days are unbearable for me as my baby is what you may call 'high maintenance' and is currently teething to make matters worse ... I never get offered any help such as watching him for an hour just to give me a break or anything even though some of them only work a few days a week. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is pretty selfish? Or do you think that they are just blind to it all? It's pretty clear how tired I am and I often comment on it .. to get a clearer picture I live with some family and also some are very very close by. I literally feel like running away from everyone, nobody offers help only unwanted advice and it's driving me insane. My partner is very supportive but I feel guilty catching up on sleep when he gets home from work as he is awake most of the night too .. any suggestions and thoughts are welcome .. I hope this all makes sense

Have you asked them to help?

I’m from a close supportive family and my parents and in laws help look after my son, in the same way that my grandparents/aunties/uncles helped look after me when I was a baby (and the same in my husbands family), as their families did before them.

The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” comes from that: older generations help the younger generations bring up their children. It’s what people have done for 10000s of years. I know not everyone’s families are like that, and some people don’t have family, but if you do I don’t think it’s asking too much for them to help :)

Welcome to motherhood. No one is obligated to offer you help because you're the mother. Everyone's got their own life's and they're busy. When you decide to have kids you can't have in your mind that you're expecting for people to watch your child so you can rest. That's not how it works. Luckily, it will get easier. Every single mom feels the way you do.. tired. Again its motherhood.

If you don't ask, how are they to know what you'd like them to do? Many people hate having their parents or siblings come and help, as they might feel like they're intruding or giving unwanted advice or implying that you can't cope or they're annoying etc etc. So they might not want to just invite themselves over. More communication is always better than less!

No it’s thoughtless but not selfish. It’s nobody else’s responsibility to look after your child and while it would be nice, and welcome, it’s not something you should expect. If you’re struggling then ask for a favour

If you want someone to 'watch him for an hour', then you need to ask them.
No, I wouldn't 'offer' as everyone thinks differently, and wants different things. However, if someone asked (a friend or even neighbour, not just family) then I would do it in an instant.
You have to let people know you want them to do that though.

My partner is very supportive but I feel guilty catching up on sleep when he gets home from work as he is awake most of the night too

In these circumstances you have to do what you can to get by.

If that means one of you heading off for a good 6 hours sleep 6pm - midnight, and then the other being 'on duty' midnight - 6am, then at least both of you get a solid block of sleep every night. Do whatever works for you. We did different things over the years (no family helping here either)...... dh taking the 'early' shift and me doing the wakings in the early hours....... us taking alternate nights.........
this is a phase. You need to just do what you can do to get through it.