2 year old nervous at playgroup

[PuffedupPufferFish]

I posted a few months ago about my 2 year old being very nervous at playgroup. We're not much further forward, so wanted to see if anyone had any more insight. She does nursery 3 days a week, and loves it. They say she gets on great with the other kids, and she certainly always looks really happy when I pick her up, and always chatters away about her day and talks about her friends there.

However, the playgroups we go to on my days off are a totally different matter. We have been going to the same groups every week for over a year now. She used to really enjoy them, but in the last 3/4 months she has become really clingy in them. She wants to sit on my lap the whole time and is reluctant to engage with the other children. She's usually quite a chilled out toddler, but at playgroup she becomes tantrummy and stroppy. I have tried to give her lots of cuddles and reassurance while encouraging her to play, but it isn't really improving. The very wierd thing is right at the end when we are putting toys away she suddenly goes back to being herself and starts charging round in circles and giggling madly.

Is it just a (longish) phase we should ride out? I am reluctant to stop going - partly because I have made friends there but mostly because I feel like I do want her to get used to it, and get more comfortable in busy environments other than nursery.

One ring that really helped my DS was to get there super early, so there was only one or two other children already there. He didn't like going into a full room.

Other than that, can you change activities and take her to something like nature tots or swimming instead?

Maybe she'd prefer a quiet time at home after three days in nursery?
If you want to continue going to playgroup just accept that she doesn't want to run off and play. Maybe let her sit in her buggy holding her teddy or something till she feels ready to get out.
As jilted suggests, get there very early so your DD isn't faced with a room full of activity.

Maybe she's tired from nursery. Maybe she's expecting you to go any minute like you do at nursery. Maybe she's just missing you and wants to be with you not off playing. Who knows, 2yos are strange creatures sometimes

She probably just wants to spend time with you after three days at nursery. Maybe skip the playgroup for now and find something you can both do together instead.

I agree she probably wants to be with you more than play with other toddlers after three other days of nursery a week. How many groups do you do?! Why don't you invite your friends over to yours on one of the days? I have a friend that schedules her children's spare time by the minute. The poor kids are crying out to be at home.

My 3.5 year old really shrinks away in busy free play toddler groups. I persevered until she started nursery 5 mornings a week and then gave up on the free play. Oddly it was full of the kids she plays with at nursery. We go to a more structured activity once a week now and she seems so much more at ease in general. I think she was just overwhelmed by it all.

Perhaps I do need to rethink what we do on these days off. I certainly don't schedule her "spare time by the minute". Both my days off we do a group on the morning and then some nice quiet time in the afternoon at home or a short walk if she seems restless. Then at the weekends her dad is home so we have lots of nice quiet family time and only really go out when she seems bored. If I try to keep her in all day she is bouncing off the walls and getting her shoes and asking to go out.

So I definitely need to do something with her on those two days off but maybe you are right and I need to look at alternatives. I guess it's just because she really enjoyed them until a few months ago, so I keep thinking it's maybe just a phase. Also she asks to go and is excited to go until we get there. It isn't triggered by starting nursery - she's been there over a year.

Oh and I am more than happy for her to sit on my lap and read books or we look at toys together while we are there - that's what we have been doing since this started. So it's trying to work out if it's worthwhile to keep going or not. She always chatters away about it afterwards, so it is very hard to know if she is getting anything out of it or not. But I obviously don't want to stress her out, so as the consensus was find something different, I will find out what more chilled activities we could do.

Hi PuffedupPufferFish I posted on your last thread as our stories were scarily similar! We’re pretty much in the same boat over here and unfortunately due to Christmas hols, sickness etc we haven’t been as consistent at groups which hasn’t helped. What I will say is I found a total change to my approach/attitude has helped. So when we arrive somewhere I ask if she wants to just sit on my knee and go in with no expectation of her ‘joining in’. Previously I used to try and cajole her to do things which I think made it worse. I find this gives her time to ‘warm up’ to things and she does actually find the confidence to have a go at something of her own volition. Ive also noticed that she’s finding her own ‘coping mechanisms’ if you will for example at soft play if it starts to get busier she might just take herself to a quiet corner for a few minutes while she composes herself/watches then she’s happy to carry on. I’ve recently read ‘The Highly Sensitive Child’ book which was recommended to me and I found it really useful. She much prefers the more structured groups/activities...I think it mostly is just down to nature.

Thanks Bambini83. I think you are right about it being about my attitude rather than anything else. I feel like I should be encouraging her to play like the others do but in reality I'm happy for her to sit on my lap and read and she's happy with it so there's no problem! I'll probably experiment a bit with some different more structured activities but also the same groups with a different approach and see where we are! Funnily enough recently she's been happier about soft play/swimming even when it's busy - maybe she finds it easier to completely ignore when they're strangers and there's no expectation of any engagement?

And I think you are also right about it being a nature thing. I think she is a tricky mix between being quite active and needing lots of stimulation, but also being a bit introverted and needing a bit of time where she doesn't have to engage too much with other people. It'll be easier when it's warmer and we can tire her out at the park without constant battles about hat/glove/jumper wearing!

Sounds like our little ones are very similar in temperament PuffedupPufferFish! Funnily enough we went swimming yesterday and I was chuffed with how confident my dd was...I think you’re right it’s the interaction/engagement element I think my lo finds quite hard at the moment. Her speech is pretty good for her age and she tries to engage other kids in conversation but they aren’t always very obliging! It’s the unpredictability I think she struggles with. She’s a first child too. It’s hard as you can’t help but worry about them and I’ve been guilty of feeling quite embarrassed how clingy she can be. The book I mentioned has genuinely changed my outlook though. I’ve been trying to mix things up a bit and put less pressure on certain groups/invite people over for play dates more. I feel your pain on the coat/hat/gloves struggle can’t wait for the better weather though then we’ll start the sun cream/sun hat battle no doubt

I would try other activities for now. Perhaps she's finding it all overwhelming, 3 days in nursery then playgroups. Maybe, for now, she just needs quieter days without lots of interaction with others. My son seemed to hate toddler groups and found it overwhelming. We recently found one that is verrrrry quiet which has been far better for him. On other days, we do:
Park to play and/or feed the ducks
Swimming (my local leisure centre does toddler sessions in the morning so only parents/young children there)
Library to get books to read at home
Just for a walk around the block
Other at home activities: painting/baking/colouring/etc.
Soft play
Go out for cake somewhere

Hope you find something that works both for you soon :)