Can I just let the baby cry?

[mimosaic]

I wrote a couple of months ago about my challenging baby (sorry I don't know how to link). Said baby is 9 months now and no easier. Over the last couple of weeks, perhaps because she's got a cold and is teething, we've had a really rough time with no sleep and constant crying during the day. My mental health feels near breaking point.

I now take her out twice a day between naps. It usually involves a baby group, and going for a walk or visiting some shops. I have to do this come rain or shine, as otherwise I just can't manage her. She cannot seem to play independently at home, and needs my constant attention. Cooking lunch and dinner is PURE PAIN, as I'm perpetually dashing between her and the hob, and end up cooking whilst holding her. The house looks a mess and I feel even more stressed. I know other parents do this while the baby naps, but she won't nap unless I lie next to her (I'm serious).

I want to be a loving and patient mummy, but I'm really struggling. No other baby I know is like this. My question is, can I just let her grizzle and cry for a bit while I do essential stuff like cooking and cleaning up after meals? My mum is from the generation that says if the baby's fed and changed, she's fine, so let her cry. But this feels harsh to me.

What do other parents do?

PS we're taking her to the GP soon to check there aren't underlying medical conditions that are making her this challenging, but I suspect it's just her personality. She can't crawl yet, and in fact is a bit wobbly with sitting up, so that doesn't help either.

Mine was grizzly and miserable too and needed to be constantly entertained.

The jumperoo was a life saver - as was the TV. I say stick Peppa Pig on and see if that cheers her up.

I'd give it another go, perhaps it wasn't quite the right time before. You also need to be consistent, if sometimes they cry and come into the bed then it may encourage them to cry for longer the next time. I do remember how horrible it was though so you have my sympathy. Some people really luck out with the babies that just sleep!

Mine is now 4 and still sleep training goes out the window when she gets ill It's a constant thing we have to stay on top of, although now we can use reward charts it's easier than listening to crying.

Yes, you can let her cry. My first had to cry at times as I was a single mum so had no one at all to have her while I was in the shower, making dinner etc. I hope it gets easier for you soon, I remember those dark days all too well and it's ten years ago now.

My DS was exactly like this and reading your OP brings it all flooding back. I spent every day out the house walking endlessly round town and shops as he was so unhappy and grizzly and NEVER just played contentedly. He is now a very happy, lovely little 6 year old. I wish I could tell my former self that it would quickly pass because it did - with every developmental milestone (crawling, walking, speaking) he got easier and easier and now it's all a distant (bad) memory. One thing I often wonder in retrospect is if he had silent reflux and maybe was in discomfort - I do wish I'd had this checked out as I feel awful at the thought he might have been in pain but I don't think I'd even heard of it at the time.

Sorry I don't have anything very helpful to add, other than it will soon pass and in the meantime just keep busy for your own sanity

I had a very demanding one and a lot of this rings bells. Though he didn't really 'play independently' at that age, we did use the travel cot as a playpen in the living room so I could pop him in for 5 mins if needed a very quick break - to go to the loo, drain the pasta or whatever. A lot less restrictive than a high chair and normally gives you as much time as it takes for them to throw all the toys over the side .

Radio or music on? Any distraction for both of you!

Thank you everyone again for your support and advice. A PP suggested looking up high needs babies - this was so helpful. There's a FB support group which I've joined, and there's now a term I can google to get support.

Hi OP I meant to get back to you but DD kept getting in the way. Glad you found the High Needs Baby stuff helpful. I think it helped me to change my mind frame (though it's still really, really hard) and realise that there are loads of other babies like this despite most mum's at baby group seeming to have little angels.

I understand what you mean about your mental health suffering. I cry (howl) all the time because of how demanding and draining it is. For me it feels worse after we have had a run of a few days of good sleep, happy baby, sleeping well then she reverts back to her high needs self it's hard to take.

I got chatting to a stranger the other day who said her daughter was exactly like this and she said that all she remembers was crying all the time and thinking, "Once she starts crawling it will get better...Once she starts walking it will get better... Once she goes to nursery it will get better... and one day it just did." She said her DD is 19 and at Uni now but still very much the drama queen but that's just her personality.

Anyway it made me feel better to meet someone who gets it. Keep going OP one day it will get better.

Thank you babysleep4. I find myself getting more short-tempered, and really not the sort of mother I want to be. I keep having to turn away from the baby as I'm so frustrated but don't want her to see me cross, and then feel dreadful that I'm cross at all.

We have just had a couple of good days though, I should say. Which is a welcome break! I'm so dreading the beast from the east, if he's still coming, as it'll mean being stuck in the house all day 😱 god help me!