Is it true that 2 kids are easier than 1, and at what point does that become true?

[oldnewmummy]

The story: DH and I married for 17 years. Initially we though we'd have kids after about 2 years, but it was never the right time. We then moved to Singapore 10 years ago, got caught up in long hours etc, and talked ourselves out of wanting kids, thinking it was too late. At the same time, always said we'd want to adopt if possible as so many kids need a good home.

About 18 months or so ago we realised we were in denial, and who cares if we were too old. So we decided to look into adopting, thinking it would be just 1. We adopted a little boy in Jan this year who is just the best thing ever.

So now that we realise just how fantastic he is, we're thinking of another.

In favour of 1 child:

More time to devote to him
More energy to devote to him (I'm 41 and DS is 44)
MOre money to spend on him, pay for education
He gets all our money when we die, so easier to buy house etc

IN favour of 2:

They can play together
They can argue together, therefore learn socal skills
They may lose us relatively young (gosh how maudlin) so they can be support for each other.

Some friends said that 2 are easier than one, as they amuse each other, but the first 2 years of the younger's life are really hard.

Any views/comments?

Any views on age gaps? DS is only 6 months so not yet mobile so relatively "easy", and he's a textbook happy, smiley, sleeps-well baby, so we may get a shock next time.

Gap would need to be at least a year, but clocking on so can't wait too long!

Elliot, I believe it's actually easiee to get time alone with 2, because they play together for ages, leaving me in peace to come on MN.

Furzella, your story is exactly the same as mine, except I have two boys not two girls. Otherwise, ditto on everything.

I have been very lucky and DD & DS get on really well. The first couple of years were hard but my DD was diagnosed with dyspraxia so we had that to deal with. Since he hit 3 it has been a piece of cake. DD on her own is much harder than when they are both around.

However my Mum had an identical gap between me and my brother as I have between DD & DS (4 years 8 months). My brother and I fought like cat and dog and I bet she would have said it was easier with one.

Easier - no. But like my dh said we already f**d up the easy life by having one, and nothing's going to bring the easy life back so let's go for it!
DD1 (4) adores dd2 (8 months). We agonised about another, as dd1 was quite hard work. DD2 much easier have done all the learning and it's pretty smooth going, but it's dd1 that we find difficult and guilty about.

Our main reasons were:

1. we are older parents (40s) and not fair to leave dd1 on her own in her 30s.
2. I really appreciated not just having my parents version of history. My bro' and I (5 yrs difference) have not always got on, but we have found it v. useful to have each other to talk about our past - even tho' we experienced it differently.
3. It's not fair for parents to outnumber kids - household is more democratic, and I can see already that it's going to be better that it's not just us parents laying down the law to 1 child.

Interesting, thanks everyone.

Fillyjonks: you're quite right, it should be whether we want another child rather than because DS might want a sibling.

Will take comments on board, and see how we feel about it in a year or so when he's running round tearing the place up!

it NEED to be oldnew

because a lot of the time, he WON'T want a sibling. esp at first.

FWIW I think it has done MY kids, with the personalities that THEY have, a great deal of good to be siblings, especially the older one. They might not always like it but I do, so its tough to an extent.

best of luck.