How to deal with not liking my best friends child?

[Claudia1980]

Hi parents

Do you have any tips? My very good friend has a daughter the same age as mine. They go to school together. Unfortunately her daughter has a lot of behavioural issues and always has done.

She is 8 years old. My daughter and her are friends but there are constant issues with the other friend. She is mean, bullies others, won't include them, gets very jealous if my daughter shows attention to others etc.

Even when she comes to play at our house she is difficult. She refuses to go along with how all the other kids are playing, and often ends up following me around the house all day! It's so annoying!

My daughter gets upset because her friend is acting strangely, ie. not wanting to play with her and the other kids and i'm annoyed because I need to work.

My friend is elated that my daughter is friends with hers and constantly mentions that she hopes her good behaviour will rub off. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be.

I find myself glossing over her daughters behaviour when she asks me how she was because I could never tell her the truth which is "she was dreadful" Fought constantly with the others, packed sads, moaned, wouldn't play nicely and followed me around all day.

What should I do? My friend does know her daughter has issues but I'm not sure she knows what to do, and I'm also getting sick of it now.

Anyone else been in this situation?

Not quite in the same situation but I do sympathise.

I'm sure your friend's daughter is not the only friend your daughter has and one thing yours is learning from this is tolerance! Not easy for her or for you.

In a few years time your friend's girl will be a quite different person. Didn't we all know 'little horrors' at one time who grew into well rounded, decent people?

Let's hope for that.

I think you need to be a little more honest with her and when she asks how she was to tell her a couple of areas of concern.

Why are you looking after her so much?

It sounds like your friend's dad has social interaction issues and is really struggling. Next time she comes over I would sit them both down and go over 'house' rules. Just a few about playing nicely and together. Tell them that if the rules aren't being followed then they will have a 10-15 minute break to play on their own and then they can try again. Put a rule in that she can only spend 15 minutes with you as you have jobs to do. She may not know how to play with others and expecting her to do more than 15 minutes at a time may be too much. Or maybe you could say that in the middle of the play date they each have some quiet time where they can chill out and watch a film/read a book independently for 30 minutes. Be consistent and it should get better, or if not at least you and your dd get a break.

It's so hard when someone's kid is struggling socially and it's really kind to try and help even if it's hard. You should be honest with your friend that it's difficult at times but you are putting these things in place to try and improve things.

I think you need to be more honest

I find myself glossing over her daughters behaviour when she asks me how she was because I could never tell her the truth which is "she was dreadful" Fought constantly with the others, packed sads, moaned, wouldn't play nicely and followed me around all day.

Your lying about it isn’t actually helping anyone. Your daughter gets to have a crap time, you get to be followed around and her daughter isn’t having fun either.

You need to say that it wasn’t a great success and she spent most of it following you around. If there are issues at home/at friends houses/school that suggests there is a problem across the board. Has she spoken to the senco/GP?

I’m always honest about how others people's children behave at my house. I see no point in lying.

You can be friends with the Mum without forcing your DD to be friends with the DD.

It seems like you are having the girl over for a whole day? Why is that?

Stop play dates/childcare with this girl - it’s negatively impacting your DD. She is your first priority.

She your friend in adult only situations.