DS 'hates' grandparents - help!

[Quinquennial]

My DS (6) is always quite grumpy about my DMIL and DFIL visiting, and after giving them a usually fairly lukewarm reception if they do anything to annoy him he says mean things in an outburst like 'I hate you' and 'go home'. They are understandably sensitive about such comments and are usually upset and go in another room and read a book etc and stop interacting with us. I obviously make him apologise but he's not really sorry and it's really awkward. When they visit it's more of a cup of tea and chatting with us adults than playing with the children, so maybe he resents them taking up our attention. I've tried to encourage them to play with him etc but it doesn't come naturally to them and it's hard to force. Any suggestions?

Could you meet them somewhere and do a family activity together? Trip to cinema, bowling, soft play etc

Six year olds should be able to amuse themselves in their own homes without all of the attention being on them. Does he not play on his own ever at home?

I'd be upset if anyone spoke to my mother like that. Never mind my own child in my own home. I’d make it clear that he is not to be rude to my guests and certainly not my mother! He doesn’t have to be reciting poetry for their entertainment when they visit but he’s not to be rude either.

And what else did you do in response to him being so rude apart from having him give an insincere apology?

Is your DS rude to lots of people or is it just his GPs where he feels confident he'll get away with it?
My DS went through a similar phase at the same sort of age. He had to sit in the hallway if he couldn't be pleasant. I explained that his DDad and I wanted to spend time with our mums and dads and his behaviour wasn't going to stop us. I think it was mostly about him wanting attention and wanting to control events. He gradually learned and grew out of it.
It was very trying, but he had to moderate his behaviour to fit in with us rather than the adults change their behaviour to fit in with him.
On the positive side, a small bag of favourite toys and ”show and tell" stuff helped keep him busy while we visited them.

How rude! What consequences do you issue?

Id be telling my child not to be so bloody rude and unpleasant!

As to joint activities what do they enjoy doing? I gardened and cooked with my grandparents.

Otherwise take a walk to the park, or get a few board games or jigsaws set up. Or both

Thanks for your replies, no he isn't rude to people other than immediate family as you say PerspicaciaTick it's people close to him with whom he can 'get away with it'. He doesn't put a foot wrong at school....

I haven't really got an effective consequence for behaviour generally, everything I've tried has had little impact. What kind of consequences have you guys found effective? I usually try to do something immediate eg. cancel the next upcoming treat (no sweets after school, no ice cream after tea, to bed early rather than extra playtime), but it doesn't seem to really bother him...

Maybe next time they are due to visit I'll pre-warn him that any rude talk will mean a certain consequence, but what!

So he knows how to behave nicely but chooses not to. You need to focus on making it easier/more rewarding for him to make good choices around his GPs.
Maybe start with lots of praise when he behaves well, when he speaks nicely smile and be encouraging, afterwards thank him for making the visit so enjoyable etc. Couple that with a clear strategy for rudeness, so you will give him a first reminder, a second reminder and the third time he has to leave the room until he comes back and apologies. Warn him about the reminders in advance so when you say "this is your first warning" he knows where it is heading.

How incredibly rude and hurtful

Time to step up. Don’t remove food as punishment. What does he care about? Screen time? Hobbies? Start removing things he cares about losing.
He’s behaving like this as he can get away with it. Time to put a stop to that.

Thanks guys, I've got a good idea about removing his favourite toy for a period as a consequence, and I really like the idea of praise for being pleasant and three warnings for rudeness.

I need to get the message across to him that this is not acceptable and just because people love you doesn't mean you can say whatever you want. The ideas for days out are spot on, when we have had days out together they always go so much better than visits after school when he's tired and crabby.

Hes old enough to have manners so if he speaks to people like that then you need to follow through on consequences