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Mother in law stress!

4 replies

Co84 · 24/01/2019 15:22

So my sons nearly ten weeks and apart from feeling quite anxious I think me and my husband are doing well with him. He has a kind of feeding routine. I take him out for a walk every day. He is getting a bit of ‘tummy time’ and I’ve registered him with children’s centre so hope to take him to music groups when he’s a bit bigger. So we haven’t taken him out anywhere ‘proper’ yet as we were waiting for jabs and warmer weather and just building our confidence really.
Anyway my in laws insist on visiting every week. They’d b here every day if they could. I don’t have an issue with that but they are judging everything we do and I just can’t relax or enjoy them being here. They come round, tell us everything we should be doing, start tidying up stuff that we haven’t asked them to do. Helpful yes, but sometimes they walk round like it’s their house. Then my mother in law calls all the time telling my husband all the things we should b doing, not letting him cry enough?! Letting him stay in his basket too much, not going out enough, just everything really. He then feels stressed and tells me which makes me feel so upset that they are judging everything we do. Not sure how much more I can put up with it. It’s always been this way with us buying a house, our wedding, but it just feels too much. Anyone know how to handle intense in-laws who think you’re doing everything wrong?!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Surfskatefamily · 24/01/2019 15:32

Is your baby their first grandchild? You need to tell them directly..maybe put it kindly the first time:

"I appreciate your trying to help but i dont want advice unless we ask you for it"

If that doesnt work

"Stop now unless you want to upset a hormonal mother!"

Miane · 24/01/2019 15:37

“We love you and want you to visit and see DS but we need you to stop telling us how to look after our child and run our house. We are in charge. Our house, our child. We’re adults, you need to treat us like adults. You wouldn’t tell any other adult to tidy their house or how to parent their child. We know you love us and mean well but it’s counterproductive, it makes us stressed and upset and we really just want to enjoy spending time with you”

Start mixing things up a bit, meet them at their house or go for a walk to the park or out for a meal. Don’t just sit their and be ranted at.

Be polite, be kind, smile but be firm

babysleep4 · 24/01/2019 15:44

Your DP needs to speak to them and tell them as politely but firmly that they need to back off.

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JKCR2017 · 24/01/2019 19:11

I think it’s just in laws. I can’t win with mine. If the house is a mess, I’ve been lazy. If the house is nice and tidy, I’ve not spent enough time with the kids. 😡

Mil likes to think she knows best. When DD was born she would try and tell me what to do like I had no idea. But I already had DS from a previous relationship so it wasn’t new to me. DD was asleep in her basket on her back, she come in and moved her onto her side. I asked what the hell she was doing?? I told her that side sleeping was no longer the reccomend position to sleep (I’m aware it was probably side sleeping when she had her babies) but she woke her up!!

When DD was a newborn, and I was in so much pain after a c section. I put a load of washing in the dryer. But she come in had a go as I was burning unnecessary electric when I could of put it out on the line!! It wasn’t even bloody sunny and carrying the heavy basket of washing up the garden wouldn’t of been ideal.

Amongst all the other things she has told me what’s best!!

Just let it slide and ignore it. They will get the hint eventually - hopefully!

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