Nightmare evenings

[celebration680]

Has anyone had issues with their baby being fussy screaming not settling after tea time 5-6ish.
My little 5month girl has been a nightmare since birth. She's just on one for hours at nighttime.
The issues I have is.
She won't take a dummy or bottle
Can't self settle
I can't leave her to cry it out she doesn't calm down at all just starts to choke and I can't listen to that.
I've tried starting to wean to see if having the extra food will calm her down but it's not making any difference.

My DS cried a lot so you have my total sympathy.

For him it was tongue tie and as a result, lack of sleep.

Can I ask what her naps are like in the day now?

She’s a tiny little baby. Of course she can’t self settle. She just needs to be close to you and be cuddled. Does that not help her when she’s upset?

Maybe your expectations are too high. Babies often can't self settle at that age.

I never expected mine to settle down so early so didn't have your problems but I was actually criticised for that. I carried on in my own way regardless, it suited my baby and we didn't mind at all.

She will settle down in time.

My DD was the same; I used to have to carry her about with brief pauses in front of the tv (for me). The rest of the day she was good natured and would lie on her playmat or in her bouncer playing (as long as I didn’t leave her too long) but come that time I couldn’t do anything; I invested in a swing which would allow me to get small things done but in the end I just accepted that nothing would get done.
Once she started weaning and having an evening meal it passed.

The witching hour! It’s normal, if not knackering.

Don’t try and get her in a routine while she’s this small, it’ll drive both of you bonkers. Just keep her downstairs with you and hug/cradle/snuggle her till she’s calm. Then take her up to bed with you and try and pop her down then? While it seems like it’ll never get better, it will! Dd was a horror at going to bed for months. Now I can practically chuck her in the cot (I don’t obviously) and she sleeps a solid 12 hours. So it does get better!

Yes, with mine it was an undiagnosed milk allergy but colic in the evening is quite common. I also found she was overtired. Helping her get an exrra little catnap nu taking a latrr afternoon buggy or sling walk really helped us. Sending wine its not easy having a baby who cries a lot xx

Lots of babies won’t take dummies or bottles. I’ve got five month old twins and niether take a dummy and one is a total bottle refuser.

She’s a small baby. She can’t self settle because that is developmental and she won’t learn that skill for a long time yet.

She’s too young for CIO. IMO any age is as I don’t believe in sleep training. Those who do don’t advocate it until six months.

I agree with a pp that your expectations sound too high and that your language also requires some reframing. She’s not a night mare, she’s a little baby exhibiting totally normal behaviour.

I’d suggest you read The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. It will help you see that your baby is entirely normal.

I am going through exactly the same thing so I really feel for you. Feel free to message me on here if you need a moan. It's awful I totally know how you feel. I feel filthy my house is a mess and I haven't slept since my baby was born and she's nearly 6 weeks now.

I think your expectations might be too high. I think baby books/websites lead us to believe there are miracle unicorn babies who self sooth at 2 weeks!

What are her naps like? Is your bedtime routine consistent? You say you've started weaning, what time is she having her food? I found I needed to move my LO tea much earlier than I thought would be suitable to start with.

Her naps are short. I'm lucky to get any longer than 15 minutes from her she's usually tired around 10am 2ish 4ish 7ish. Occasionally she sleeps longer But this is rare.

It's so hard isn't it. She's probably got colic that's what my health visitor told me my baby had :( and there's nothing but cuddles and comfort until they grow out of it.

If she’s only taking 15 min naps all day she’s probably really overtired by the evening. I’d work on getting her to take longer naps (pram, car, rocking chair, whatever you can do).

What time does she go to bed and how does she sleep at night? With that little day sleep she’s potentially ready for bed by 5/6pm

Also I disagree that babies of 5 months can’t self settle. Both of my kids could be put down awake for naps and bedtime at 5 months and settle themselves to sleep. Not left to cry for ages or anything, they just fell asleep by themselves. They didn’t sleep through the night sadly, but they went down by themselves. Obviously doesn’t mean OPs baby can do this, but it’s not a crazy expectation in my opinion. My eldest had a dummy which definitely helped, but my youngest gave it up at 4 months.

Agree with the others posters who say that it's a good idea to work in the naps. If she's only cat napping she's probably overtired and that's not going to help either of you

I'd work on the naps first,try this book and for the nights, I'd read the book recommended further up the thread

I think that time of day is exactly the time many babies are unsettled.
My first would cry unless breast feeding on and off from about 5pm - 7pm. I just sat watching the tv for that time and luckily as a first baby I had the time to do that whilst DH got on with making dinner. 😊 I quite miss that time now.
My second didn't need to BF so much but wouldn't be put down. A sling was a lifesaver. I could get on with stuff whilst she was snuggled and happy.
Your baby is still very young.

Please don’t leave a baby to cry, at 5 months they need cuddles and reassurance. Yes some babies fall asleep by themselves but yours hasn’t learned that yet. I’m sorry to say I think it’s normal loads of my friends babies are fussy on the evenings, a mixture of over tiredness and over stimulation from the day. I don’t think she needs to be weaned or anything you’re doing wrong I think it’s just one of those things that you have to ride out and know it’s normal. Can you put her in a lean or rocking chair for naps during the day? Even hold her while you watch tv or read a book?