Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Leaving my whole family for a guy in NEW YORK

54 replies

user12345678910 · 22/01/2019 20:23

Long story short, me and my ex the 'Father' of my child broke up when my little one was 3 months old. He is now 2 and we haven't geard frkm his dad since, he saw ds on his first birthday and once more after that. Hes a horrible guy hes even put his hands on me in the past which caused a lot of problems.

I know want to move to NEW YORK!!?! to be with my ex of 5 years. Weve discussed this and sounds like the change in life ive been looking for. But all of my family is in london... i have no one in new york other than him. Hes such a great guy and i do love him a lot.

Cannmy ex stop me frkm taking my son abroad eventhough he doesn't give a fuck about him.

Im very confused... please help..lol

OP posts:
HappyStripper · 22/01/2019 21:02

Moving to the US is almost impossible in your situation unless you marry him which would be ridiculously soon considering he’s not even interacted with your son. You can visit a few times but immediately expecting to move is just silly.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2019 21:04

There is absolutely no way you could live and work in the US legally.

Forget this insane idea.

GabsAlot · 22/01/2019 21:10

they have different quals there u might not be able to do the same job and u have to apply from here unless youve got dual citixenship u cant just move to america

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
oohyoudevilyou · 22/01/2019 21:12

Ridiculous idea. Quite apart from the many legalities involved, you'd be taking your child away from his father and all other family members except you. And this guy is an Ex for a reason.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 22/01/2019 21:14

There is zero chance of this happening. You have no way to move there and work legally. You have a young child he might not want to take on. There's nothing complicated about it and it's not about your family's feelings. You can't live there legally and your child's father can prevent you from removing him even if you were married.

Ullupullu · 22/01/2019 21:17

Isn't your ex more mobile than you, or does he have children too? If he loves you, then he should visit the UK as a tourist and see how things go between you. I don't think you or your little child should leave your support network.

LuckyLou7 · 22/01/2019 21:19

Go there for an extended holiday, @user12345678910, see how things pan out before you start making any firm plans. Moving to the USA isn't easy. Programmes on TV make it all seem so simple but there are so many hoops to jump through. Good luck anyway.

Original poster
user12345678910 · 22/01/2019 21:22

LuckyLou7

Thank you x

OP posts:
EverlyNow · 22/01/2019 21:24

You won’t be able to secure the appropriate work visa. It’s a non-starter

mindutopia · 22/01/2019 21:40

You won’t be able to transfer a tourist visa to a work visa. It’s very hard to get a US work visa. I’m American and my dh tried when we were dating. They wanted proof he had a job in the UK to come back to and a mortgage. They’re very nervous about you overstaying, especially when a relationship is involved.

Beyond that, it’s very expensive. I used to live in New York. I moved away in part because we never could have afforded health care for a family there, Health insurance can be easily $600-1000 a month and then you still have to pay for your visits, hospital stays, tests, prescriptions on top of that. Childcare is also expensive. I know people who pay about $400-600 a week in childcare.

By all means go for a visit and enjoy but if it’s serious, he needs to think about moving here. It’s much easier and cheaper and more so because you have a child to think about.

ehohtinkywinky · 22/01/2019 21:44

It's a little concerning you would get carried away with this idea without even understanding the legalities. You can't just 'go over on a tourist visa and get a job'.

SillySallySingsSongs · 22/01/2019 21:54

Yeah i was with my ex from new york since we were 17, i met him in California. We broke up when i was 22

Yet 18 months ago you were 20? You can't have it both ways.

So hang on, you are moving to New York to be with someone you split up with when you were 16/17 accoring to your other posts?

I think you need a bit of a reality check.

mrsk28 · 22/01/2019 22:02

I would go for the 90 days if you can afford to do that and your ex doesn't have to give permission. Then figure things out from there but you will have to return after the 90 days.

If this guy is the one for you then you can come up with a long term plan at that stage, just don't leave yourself vulnerable by trying to work there illegally. Once you're smart about it then there's no reason you can't try.

Iflyaway · 22/01/2019 22:08

So you have an Ex in US from 5 years ago.

And you have a child who is 2 years old from an Ex in UK.

If I have understood it correctly.

Why is your DS not nr. 1 in your life now? He is innocent in all this.

You need to be a mum now, not going on a wild goose chase to an Ex in USA. bet he will be thrilled to take you on and DS eh?

Stop putting men and your fantasies before your child!

I am a single mum, not perfect, have fucked up too, that's life, but DS has always been the priority.

NothingGoldCanStay · 22/01/2019 22:12

I'm a married brit living in upstate New York. We moved here with my husband's job which was not so straight forward as it sounds, every step has been a minefield of paperwork and legalities. I also brought my daughter from my first marriage. I needed to present a letter from her father giving permission to the American Embassy in London. As she was 15 at the time and told her dad she wanted to go that was one of the easier steps. From what I understand, if he had refused permission I would have needed to present my case in court proving how her life would be a much higher standard and she wouldn't have been disadvantaged. I would have also needed to prove employment and a home.

I can recommend the British Expats website. It has many experienced posters and a huge amount of information.

zippey · 22/01/2019 22:16

If you go you will be vulnerable when you are in America. You will have a child, and living with a guy who will be taking on this child.

Your child will also be vulnerable living with a guy who is not it’s biological father.

IsItThatTimeAgain · 22/01/2019 23:41

It's difficult to get into the US unless you're getting married to a US citizen. Your ex possibly stopping things is the least of your pronlems with your plan.

DoctorDread · 23/01/2019 00:02

Dot do it OP

Porridgeoat · 23/01/2019 06:34

Why do you want to move there? It’s really doable for him to fly over here for holidays to eatable a relationship with your son but he chooses not to. Are you wanting to rekindle your relationship? What are you intending to achieve? Why is all the effort on your part and not your ex’s

Porridgeoat · 23/01/2019 06:36

Why doesn’t he move here?

Porridgeoat · 23/01/2019 06:40

Misread!

What is it that draws you to New York?

What do you want to a giver going there? Can it be achieved here?

Can you achieve what you want independently of your 5 yr ex.

Mooey89 · 23/01/2019 07:16

Honestly, this plan has disaster written all over it.
Go for an extended holiday and then consider it.
I think the only option is the 90 day fiancé visa and if you’ve watched 90 day fiancé you’ll know that doesn’t always end well!

ApolloandDaphne · 23/01/2019 07:39

Have you met up with your ex in the intervening 5 years or is this a long distance relationship conducted via social media? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Go for a holiday by all means but you can't just move to the states on a whim.

costacoffeecup · 23/01/2019 07:52

You were 21 3 weeks ago.

So I'm guessing this ex you had for five years until you were 22 is fantasy land?

SheldonTheWonderShlong · 23/01/2019 08:13

Where does she say she was 21 last month?

Sounds like you are looking for an escape route. Unfortunately this isn't going to be it ... yet. He needs to come here and visit you first before even thinking about how you would navigate all these hurdles.

Why IS it so hard to emmigrate to the U.S?