Child protection plan

[Pebble4]

Hi I'm really scared I won't get my 3 kids back. I have twin boys 4 years old and a girl who's 5.
In March 2017 I had a problem with alcohol which has been an issue on and off all my life but this time I got drunk with the kids and their dad took them to live with him for 11 weeks, we had a child protection plan etc and after 11 weeks they returned.

I was sober until in August last year I lost a baby at 19 weeks and then my relationship broke down and I hit the bottle again only this time their dad has had them for 3 months, I can only have supervised contact, SC said they won't support them returning to me at this time because I haven't managed to stay sober. I've lost my house, kids, baby, partner and income all in the last 6 months so found it hard to cope.

I am now having help from harbour to stop drinking. Note. I haven't drank with the kids in my care in the last 3 months but have on a few occasions without them and SC knows this.

My question is, If in a few months time their dad says he's happy for them to return, would SC do a second child protection plan or because I've already been through one would they never support it again? The last time the head SC did say if it happened again that would be it no more chances but my sister in law is a social worker and said she has had parents on the plans twice and they have has the kids back.

I'm such a good mum without drink and it's not something I did all day everyday it was once after 2 years and then since I've not had them in my care.

I've brought them up practically on my own and it kills me that their dad who did bugger all and put me through hell is now controlling everything.

Xx

It doesn’t matter that you don’t drink with them in your care, you’re an alcoholic who is still drinking and you need to get yourself better. You deserve to be happy and have a relationship with your kids. I am unsure if SS will do a second plan, I am sure that will be down to your key worker to decide but on the off chance that you do get a second chance you know you need to be totally in a good place because you won’t get a third chance.

Address your issues, work through them and try salvage your relationship with your kids. I don’t mean this in a harsh tone but you are an adult and adults have to cope with stressful situations sometimes and it’s no excuse to justify turning to alcohol.

I really wish you the best of luck, and I really hope everything works out.

I know it's no excuse and I shouldn't have them back right now, they deserve a mum who doesn't drink which is what I'm working on. I've done it for over a year so I know I can do it and I can't bear the thought of never having them back which is my motivation now. I've been in such a dark place the past 3 months with losing so much it's taken this long to pick myself up.
I'm not blaming anyone else and not feeling sorry for myself, but unless you've been in such a bad place it's hard to explain.

Thanks for your well wishes x

You’re going to have to do it for the next 18 years

And I have given birth to a baby that wasn’t for this world, I know what it’s like to lose everything but your kids come first. There is no excuses that justify hitting the bottle and not putting them first, and I totally understand how alone and empty it feels to lose your baby. I genuinely do wish you the best but don’t justify why you’re dribking, it doesn’t help

The upside is that their father is taking responsibility for them, rather than them ending up in the system and probably separated.
Focus on controlling the alcoholism before thinking about being responsible for your children. Their safety and happiness need to be the top priority, however good a mum you believe yourself to be.

What help are you getting to stop drinking? I feel for you as I couldn't live without my children but it sounds like your life is very chaotic.

Maybe call Family Rights Group for advice. DD had a friend who was subject to child protection order, drugs, alcohol and MH issues and suicide attempts. I believe SS worked with family for number of years including child protection order but in the end couple split and SS did ban mother from all contact. Very sad - mother was a lovely Mum much of time - kids looked beautiful, she loved them, didn't work to look after them but when she was on alcohol or drugs saw times when her 2 year old in a busy main road and she didn't notice twice and we had to rescue child.

If you want to keep your kids you need to do everything in your power to get better and / or find arrangement where kids are safe like someone else being there with you. Hope things get better for you. I wouldn't have more kids either.

You're still drinking. You said you haven't for a year, but you still do without the kids, and did in August- so less than 6 months. They may support you, but you need to stop drinking, not juts hope/think you can control it. I really hope for your sake that you are able to start coming to terms with what sounds a rotten time and use it to get stronger. You need to do that for you first, before you bring kids back in to your situation. Prove you've worked on you, and then see what happens xx

I am going to counselling about losing the baby but on a waiting list, I also go to harbour which is for the alcohol.

I'm disgusted with myself, over wridden with guilt.

I've got myself a part time job to give child maintenance and have moved in with my mum for extra support.

I don't want the kids back until I can be totally sure I won't drink again, they are my world but I fear I've had my last chance😭

The heartbreaking thing is how good of a mum I am sober and 95% of the time I am that person but the 5% cancels all the positives in the eyes of social.

I guess only time will be the answer and me getting myself to be the best I can be for my children xx

Get yourself sober and don't touch a drop of alcohol - think of it as your job for the sake of your kids for now. Once you are clean, are back in work and have suitable housing, access (whether it's extended unsupervised visits or shared custody) can be discussed and as children get older social services have different criteria to consider eg asking the children where they wish to live. Best wishes, this is a tough journey you are on - please report your success in a few months.

And I WILL for my children's sake because this is not how things were meant to be. They deserve better x