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My six yo hates me

6 replies

HashtagTired · 20/01/2019 19:22

Sometimes I genuinely think that's the case, although I'm sure deep down that's not the case.

Just for info, we have a 1 yo also who does obvs demand some attention, although not overly clingy.

She's always been a daddys girl, from the very beginning.
Most of the time she's perfectly nice and reasonable, but I feel I'm on eggshells most of that time.
When daddy's around, she always plays up with me. She's so cheeky, rude and (as I'm sure most 6yo girls can be at times) just nasty. Ignoring me, being spiteful and talking or shouting at me in such a horrible way. The dad always picks her up in it, as well as me, but I feel like he's the mediator between us. She does what he tells her, not me. Even if it was me that asked her, and she ignored me so her dad stepped in and then she did it.

Yes it's hurtful that she's like that. But I don't know what to do about it. He puts her to bed most nights because it's just easier. She wants him to put her to bed if he's there, and quite frankly, it's exhausting if I do it and she wants him. She only eats at the table if he's there with her. She just refuses to eat and says she hates it all, but when he sits down and talks her through it all she gives in to him.

Do I just go with the flow and accept she wants her dad most of the time and I'll fill in the rest, or shall I 'force' the issue and take away the choice and put her to bed because I decided.

I guess I'm asking, should I take control of this now and accept there will be tears along the way and hope it's a means to an end, or should I just accept she wants him and let her get on with it, because she's only 6 after all, and if that's what she wants....

Thoughts please!!

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LoveB · 20/01/2019 19:51
Flowers

Personally I'd just go with the flow, she'll grow out of it. Let dad enjoy it for now, when she's older dad will be seriously uncool and she'll want you Wink

Sounds draining for you, don't take it to heart too much - I'm sure she doesn't hate you.

Silkie2 · 20/01/2019 20:14

Can DF do more with the 1 year old, leaving you free to help her? It might be jealousy.

HashtagTired · 20/01/2019 21:07

I think you're right. It's attention seeking, or at least that's how it started. Which is the only reason why I'm not 'fighting' it yet.

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Benny4 · 20/01/2019 21:14

It's funny how we interpret things so differently, but I just read your post as a mum and daughter who have somehow had a disconnect, and desperately both need to discover their way back to each other. They still find it so hard to put into words what they want at this age, hell, even a lot of adults struggle with this. Can you grit your teeth, and dig deep for some unpleasantness to get to the good bit. Even be honest, not too heavy, and in a nutshell say you miss her and physically show her by your presence at bedtime etc and hopefully the rest will follow.

TigerQuoll · 21/01/2019 08:18

Can you take her out for fun activities, just the two of you?

HashtagTired · 21/01/2019 09:38

Thank you.
Thank you for your replies. I'm desperate to get thinks back on track and I fear I'm overcompensating and afraid to tell her off when she's naughty. I just need to get a grip.

Today the husband is finishing work early so I can take her to her dance class with just the two of us. I won't be distracted with the 1 yo and so I can really watch her and engage with her activity.

And then I guess I need to accept that when we are altogether as a family, she will generally go to her dad rather than me. But if that's what she needs I'm not going to get in the way of that; just be there for her when she needs me. I guess that's all I can do.

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