I constantly regret having a 2nd child

[mummyof288]

I know I risk getting shot down in flames here but I just need some advice. I have 2 children one being 7 the 2nd being 14 months. No2 was prayed for and wanted soo much but since being here I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I love him believe me I do. But I don't like him a lot he's been very hard work from day 1. He cried 24 hours a day for the first 4 months of his life barely slept at all and was constantly sick then wanting fed again. He turned out to have severe reflux and a milk allergy. He got omeprazole and neocate and was a lot better but still didn't sleep well. At 14 months he's still feeding like a new born up 3 times a night for a bottle even though he eats loads during the day I'm exhausted. I'm also back at work full time which makes me even more exhausted. He's also very active and into everything also keeps hitting and biting me constantly which doesn't make someone very likeable especially when he's pulling chunks of my hair out daily. But it's also that life was really good before he came along my daughter was quite independent and at school and I started to get a bit of my own life back instead of just being mum. Now I'm walking about constantly stressed everyday even trying to get out the door is stressful trying to get to work is stressful. I feel like I'm drowning I need a break I often fantasise about just walking into the night and never coming back. Then I feel like the most ungrateful person in the world because I prayed for this life for a long time. I didn't realise it would be this hard. My first child was the easiest baby ever and absolutely no practice for number two x

I think your feelings are understandable given the challenges you're facing and your level of exhaustion. I think trying to wean him off the night feeds and finding another way to settle him might help. Can your partner go to him instead and try and settle him? Might be tough for the first few weeks but could be short term pain for long term gain. Once you start to get some proper chunks of sleep in the night you might find the challenges he presents in the day time easier to deal with.
Also, try to be kind to yourself in terms of the guilty feelings. Just because he was very much wanted doesn't mean you can't find the experience tough. Xxx

I wrote something similar on here years ago.

I had some lovely advice.

But basically things do get better. Especially wrt sleep.

What other support do you get?

Oh god just realised my current user name....

Nothing to do with children I promise!

I have broken my arm and am on very strong painkillers that keep waking me up in a sweat.

I had your second child as my first. Everything you describe down to the reflux and milk allergy. My second was a breeze and I always said if they'd have been the other way around I'd have walked out and not come back.
But I wouldn't have really. It will get better. Do you have any respite other than work? If you can get it use that time to recharge your batteries for a bit. I know its not helpful but it will pass.
My eldest gave me a corneal abrasion during a toddler tantrum. I quite like him now

Do you have a partner? If so where are they in all this - do they do their share?

But mainly: it will get easier, it will get easier, it will get easier. Hang in there. Your feelings are valid and understandable. Hold on

I understand exactly how you feel and regularly sobbed to eh that dc2 had ruined all our lives and what had we done in the beginning. He was a difficult baby and I felt so guilty for dc1 that our calm lives were in termoil and I was exhausted. It got so much better when he hit 2. It’s lovely now and so worth it.
It helped me to lower my expectations. DC1 ate very well all home cooked meals and whatever we ate. We had the time to facilitate this. Ds2 doesn’t eat as well and I’m sick of tying myself in knots over it so sometimes he just has a plate of chips for sanity sake. He also still co sleeps, yea it’s a pain but we all sleep, and it’s more important than everyone being up every hour for now. Dc2 does the school run on reins, I would of eye rolled myself but it stops him running into the road and gives me the ability to talk to dc1 about their day and focus on them a bit more. I would of been horrified at my approach to parenting dc2 to dc1 but honestly it became essential to my mental health to let things go a bit and just get through the days until it got better, and it did

Thank you all for your advice. My husband does the early morning wake up and feed and gets dd ready and out to school while I sleep in a bit longer in the morning this helps a bit. But it just feels like it's getting worse not better. I've tried to cut down the feeds at night. But last night he woke up every hour because of it. I've tried to swap the milk onto a beaker and do awAy with the bottle. Incase it's a comfort thing but it just made him sick after every feed must be taking in too much air. I know the sleep is the biggest problem if I could get a normal sleep at night I think my mood would be better. I'm going out today to buy a sleepyhead grande. The sleepyhead worked wonders for his sleep as baby il do anything just now starting to feel a bit desperate 😔

But mainly: it will get easier, it will get easier, it will get easier. Hang in there. Your feelings are valid and understandable. Hold on

^This.

Get your DH to do a full night or two so that you can get some proper sleep and try to restore yourself a bit.
Don’t beat yourself up about hating the sleeplessness. It’s torture, but it will pass. At 14 months I would say things will probably start to improve soon, he will get more upright which can help his digestion, he will get more active and better at playing properly, that should help his sleep a bit.

Hang in there, in the meantime tell your DH that you are struggling and really need his help.

Hey, I totally feel your pain. I have DD (3) and DS, also 14 months, and my god it is HARD. Tbf, DD wasn’t exactly an easy baby, she didn’t sleep through till she was 2.5 (just in time for her baby bro to arrive!) so we were prepared for another non sleeper although prayed we wouldn’t get one. We did. DS is every bit as sleepless as his sister was, and I’m still co sleeping with him because as a PP said, it’s more important to get some sleep. I stopped breastfeeding him at 13 months and his sleep was slowly improving…but we are back to square one and the past week has been horrible.

I love him so much but it’s hard not to think what it would be like with just one. Our DD is still very much at the tantrums and stubborn stage and keeps us on our toes, but it’s getting much easier with her, and I’m watching friends with just one DC of that age starting to reclaim their lives and feeling very jealous! DH works full time, I work four days a week, we have no family support nearby. It’s very challenging and it feels like we never stop, life is full on from the minute we wake up to when we get to bed, and even at night there’s no respite. Any free time is spent doing endless chores and the romance is totally gone from our marriage. I end up snapping at DD and feeling very guilty, it’s not her fault that we decided to have another!

Plus my DS is also a real handful. He’s constantly getting into things he shouldn’t, hurting himself, roaring angry when he doesn’t get his way.

I know that of course it will get easier, I only need to look at DD as evidence of the sleep improving. But when you’re in the middle of it, it feels hopeless. Agree that you should see if your DH can help with the nights more. Since I stopped breastfeeding my DH has been doing some of the nights (not much right now as he’s just started a new job but it does help).

Good luck OP. We will get there…just need to keep on keeping!