7yo bedtime delay tactics - help!

[MaverickSnoopy]

7yo DD normally goes to bed at 7/7:30pm which may seem early but regardless of earlier or later bedtimes she is up at 6am the next day. Last weekend she went to bed at 10pm and was up at 6am - and the next day she was a total state - grumpy and bursting into tears all day long. This is standard with later nights - awful awful behaviour the next day.

DD has, probably 8 nights out of the last 14, implemented delay tactics. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm not tired. I'm lonely. I'm poorly. I need a poo. My bottom is uncomfortable. Mostly toilet related topics - have checked and she doesn't seem to have worms. Behaving as if constipated, except pooing normally.

The first night we sat up with her and it took her until midnight to go to bed. The next time was 9pm. Since this has been happening we decided to let her stay up a bit later with us and bedtime at 8pm then she settles straight away. However she's being grumpy and in a state the next day and not focusing on things.

Tonight, after a busy day where she has quite frankly be rude, grumpy and emotional we put her to bed at 7:15pm, but still after some 1:1 time. Since then she's been in and out of the bathroom 8 times and downstairs 7 times - one with no clothes on, once to say she was lonely, once because she was poorly, once for a drink and the rest for various other reasons - each time though she said her bottom felt uncomfortable.

We've dealt with it in a pragmatic way. OK go to the toilet until you've finished. We've been fairly monotone at times, ie not rising to the bait. We've tried to be supportive "just in case". I've talked to her in the day time but there's nothing bothering her. Yet tonight she's been crying and wailing upstairs because she wishes she'd never been born because she needed the toilet. DH did go up and speak to her and try and calm her down and make sure she was ok. She's calmed down and finally gone to bed but what about tomorrow and the next day?

Does she need help & support or is this something we need to combat? We're trying to muster up all of our patience in case there's a real problem but I can't help but feel that it's just delay tactics.

We have severe delaying tactics with 7 yo DS. He starts with hungry, thirsty, etc then moves on to messing about. Writing a diary. Practicing shoelaces. 10 million hugs. Come with me to the toilet, I'm scared.

We start bedtime at 7pm with a lights out at 8pm. This generally works. We then get the requests for all the hugs, some water etc but usually asleep by 9pm. This works. If he gets worked up, screaming and tantruming then he can easily still be awake at 10.30-11pm. And the next day is hell.

The only advice I have is to be consistent. Set the boundaries that you think works best, then stick to them. If it's lights out at 8pm, do it every time. Even if she then gets out of bed for a poo, leave the light off.

Offer her some medicine if her bottom hurts. If you don't want to give calpol, a plunger with milk and food colouring is convincing enough as special poorly bum medicine. She may need a placebo.

If you remain consistent she will fall back in line. Eventually. If you keep changing things she will keep pushing you. Best of luck!

We're Mr and Mrs Constistency. She's had the same bedtime routine since she was 6 weeks old - adjusted age appropriately of course.

Probably it comes across as less consistent because I'm feeling quite all over the place with it at the moment and maybe did a bit of a brain dump in my OP. It's more that as a rule we're now letting her stay up a little bit later, making a big deal about how exciting it is and mostly but not always this works. The 10pm bedtime was because she was at a&e so nothing could be done about that. Last night she went to bed at normal time because she was overtired and needed the sleep - but then it backfired.

We tried the placebo idea last week and it did work - although not straight away so I'm left wondering if just a coincidence.

When she was saying about needing a poo but not being able to I said that there were some foods that would help - kale, spinach and prunes (she hates them) as they would help her poo more easily. She groaned but went along with it (although need to get them today). I also said to her that if she's taking 2 hours to go to bed then we'd have to bring bedtime forward by 2 hours to fit everything in. She was very upset at the prospect and asked if her younger sisters would have to and we said no because they go to bed straight away, which she said was unfair.

I'm at a loss with it. I'm so unwell right now and struggling to breastfeed a small baby. I've been trying so hard to give her lots of 1:1 time but my energy is so low and this is tipping us over the edge (DH poorly too).

Hang on, so she's recently gained a new sibling? Do you think this might be related then?

My 7 year old DD is doing the same at the moment. Bedtime can take an age....
Standing joke in our house at the moment if we hear the pitter patter of her feet coming downstairs DH or I will ask each other " let's take a bet on what hurts tonight "
With My girl I'm wondering if subconsciously she's been feeling a bit left out (younger brother is disabled and has lots of needs and appointments and older brother is hitting the grumpy teen stage hard) so weve been very calm and doled out lots of extra cuddles. It's hard though as by that time of day we're all knackered too and just want to try and relax a bit before falling into bed and starting it all again the next day

Yes newish sibling who's now 12 weeks. She's not seemingly had an difficulties since she's come along. She's been very involved and loves playing with her and asks to help out. We've been making sure she still gets lots of 1:1 time. I did think it could be that....I suppose if it is no amount of 1:1 time will help but we just keep trying.

Things are generally hard in the household at the moment. Lots of illness for all since start of December so everyone very tired. Her and her 2yo sister have some phases of really not getting on (thankfully not many) and 2yo is going through a hitting stage which we deal with but that I find hard to when I'm sat breastfeeding (have put a few distraction strategies in place for these times).

7yo is a lovely kind girl, a gentle soul whose nature is to be well behaved and conscientious but she struggles through life. She's great academically but is currently undergoing assessment for dyspraxia (has been since July so this isn't new) and I'm starting to think has adhd tendencies although not sure. (Lots of over excited screeching, really for no reason, throwing things on the floor because she's excited - she really stands out when she's with her peers. Very forgetful, struggles to concentrate and follow instructions, constantly getting into dangerous situations by throwing herself around, interrupting all the time to name a few.) I find it very hard to have patience with her (on the outside I'm all deep breaths but inside I'm screaming), but perhaps she's noticing. I have to repeat myself so many times and I know she doesn't feel great about it.

Maybe I'm digressing or maybe it's the root of the problem. Either way it's really helpful to know how others deal with bedtime delay tactics. Last night we very nearly just got up and went to bed ourselves.