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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you know when it is time to stop having babies?

64 replies

reindeermum · 30/06/2007 15:19

How do you know when your family is complete?

I am age 36 and pg with 4th child. Children are boy (6), girl (4) and boy (2). Child 4 is another boy due in Sept.

I am already broody for child 5. (I know this is ridiculous when I haven?t even had number 4 yet!) I absolutely love having babies and cannot bear the thought that at some point I will have to stop. I definitely do not want to still be having them in my 40?s, so would like to go for number 5 soon after number 4. Would also like to try for a girl next time using the Shettles/timing method (was planning to do this for this pregnancy, but jumped ahead too far in the month in my eagerness to get preggers.)

How did you know when your family was complete and your children were all there? How on earth do you go about making this decision ? And when you do, do you suddenly feel middle aged (horrible thought!)?

Is anyone else in the world as obsessed with having babies as me or do I have a hormone imbalance???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sniff · 01/07/2007 15:48

i have 3 and tell every one its time to stop but secretly if I didnt have such rough pregnancies i would love another (shh) dh would have another like a shot

good luck with you big family it sounds great fun

on a practical level jut how dificult is going from three to four

Chocolatepenny · 01/07/2007 15:50

I am 32 just had DS1 am planning next one pretty soon because I want to have young ones while I can entertain them etc etc its all to do with energy! I don't really want to go through giving birth again but I think coming from a big family is so great for them!
I'd stop before you drop though! Maybe give in soon so you can have a second age of freedom in your 50's and do stuff for you.

truepenny · 01/07/2007 15:57

I have 2 lovely boys but would love another baby and if I was younger would have wanted at least 2 more. I love being pregnant. In fact I love it all. I'm going to be 42 in a few months so I'm praying for a miracle.

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Kaz33 · 01/07/2007 15:57

I'm 38 and have two boys (5,4) and dearly would love another one. But DH is 47 and I think it is unfair on him and on the boys who are a little unit.

I have decided to stop, don't want to but hey ho. We don't always get what we want.

truepenny · 01/07/2007 16:01

it makes me desperately sad and empty to think about stopping. I suppose I expected it to feel final and far less emotional when it was time to stop which it probably is in my case

TenaLady · 01/07/2007 16:04

I would of liked 10 but mother nature hasnt been kind to me and 1 will just have to do.

I just fuss other peoples kids.

truepenny · 01/07/2007 16:22

does anybody think I'm too old to have another pg? my dh is 41 and my boys are 6 and 3. Part of me wishes I could be content with what I have but I can't be. I want to be like reindeer!

Judy1234 · 01/07/2007 16:46

Three wasn't enough for me but the twins (4 and 5) made be happy with the number I had. I suppose you just know when you've had enough. It's not a hormonal imbalance. It's natural to want children.

truepenny · 01/07/2007 16:52

I agree but some people seem to be more content to stop than others. I wonder whether it's more about me because when I'm pg I feel special and I it's a huge distraction from growing old!

notasheep · 01/07/2007 16:54

reindeermum-you sound like my sister,she ended up having EIGHT! Whilst i stopped after 2

juuule · 01/07/2007 17:04

Truepenny I was 43 when I conceived my 9th. She was born 3 months before my 44th birthday. So, no, I don't think you are too old.

truepenny · 01/07/2007 17:20

How fantastic! You're so lucky. I have to say that most mums I've talked to about this have a personal cut off age of 40 which always makes me feel like it's not really a good idea because of all the additional risks. Even so it's not enough to put me off!

Original poster

reindeermum · 01/07/2007 17:25

truepenny I don't think you are too old yet no. Good luck!

As well as feeling like there was someone missing the whole time, it is almost like I don't feel quite right in my own body unless
I am either pregnant or breastfeeding. But then I suppose it is the whole point of our existence!

Personal question for those of you with LOTS like I want - pelvic floor???? I'm 6 months preg and sorry to be precise but I wet myself massively everytime I sneeze - is this inevitable when you have lots? (it doesn't put me off though! also have bad hayfever at the moment...

OP posts:

notasheep · 01/07/2007 17:26

truepenny-i had ds at 41

MrsFish · 01/07/2007 17:35

Blimey - I am truly shocked at the amount of people who have more than two, nothing wrong with it at all (just to clarify) but I thought it was more common to have two than any more. I am 6 months into my second child and I really can not imagine having any more, I hate being pregnant, love being a mother but hate getting there

Judy1234 · 01/07/2007 17:58

I never had any incontinence and I had 5 vaginal births. I don't think that's a consequence at all.

SilentTerror · 01/07/2007 18:00

I have 4,three DDs and one DS.quite big gaps between them,DD18,DS 12,DD 7,DD2.Always knew I would have 4,everyone(including DH!)thought we had stopped at 3,but I had my fourth at 39.Don't really want a 5th,and nearly died having the last one following caesarian complications,but still VERY occasionally think,'maybe just one more!' .We won't though.Three teenage daughters spanning 20 years more than enough! Not babies and toddlers that are a problem,IMO!

pagwatch · 01/07/2007 18:05

...once my husband had a vaseoctomy I realised any more might be a problem.
I had first at thirty and last ( 3rd) at 40.
We just felt done & happy & finished. I do still get very broody at times but I know that other 4 are all happy and I can't inflict my hormones on four other people. Besides bits of me have never returned to previous location......

Housemum · 01/07/2007 18:19

I never thought I would want to stop, but am currently pg with number 3 and feel v happy with the thought that this will be the last - it just feels right, somehow. After DD2 we didn't think we would necessarily have any more, but part of me would not part with anything baby-related as I always hoped there would be another. Am now looking forward to the next stage of life of knowing that my "brood" is complete, and when DD or DS 3 is born, as things are outgrown they will be sold/donated as that part is done and I'll just carry on enjoying life with the 3 kids. There is a definite "finality" about this pregnancy. Certainly don't think I will feel middle aged (though probably should as I'll be 40 next year!)

RoseQuartz · 01/07/2007 21:26

reindeermum, how on earth do you go about using the 'shettles' method in attempting to choose sex of baby?
In response to your original question, I am in exactly the same boat as you! I am 37.5 yrs and preggers with baby #7, and throughout each of all my pregnancies, I also felt desperate to add to my little family, always planning the next baby before having popped the one in situ!! Thing is though, it takes tremendous courage to ask such a question, and I certainly couldn't discuss it with many people i know, due to fear of being ridiculed.
Anyway, at least you know now, there are others in the same boat!!
PLEASE DO SHARE THE SHETTLES METHOD WITH ME THOUGH, MUST SAY I'M INTRIGUED!!! Didn't realise I still have some learning to do!!

SilentTerror · 01/07/2007 21:32

Please don't take this the wrong way but do you think it is the pregnancy,birth and baby stage that you crave,rather than another child,IYSWIM?

RoseQuartz · 01/07/2007 21:49

reindeermum - you and I seem to have a few things in common:~)

loads of kids and wanting even more!!
bloomin' terrible hay fever!
pelvic floor...errrmm....having had 6 vaginal births, I am leaking A LOT when I sneeze, cough, laugh etc...I remember when I was on the phone to a friend and she made me laugh - I ended up having to dash upstairs to have a complete change of clothes!! Don't think it has anything to do with the fact that we have given birth vaginally to several babies though, tbh I'm sure its more to do with the fact that I don't bother doing pelvic floor exercises. I only remember to do them when there's a gush like niagra falls in my knickers!!

Original poster

reindeermum · 02/07/2007 11:05

Ha ha roseQuartz. Shettles method is to do with the timing of sex - it is a known fact that male sperm swim faster but die quite quickly, female ones are slow but can live a good few days, so for a girl you are supposed to have sex 3-4 days before ovulation, and for a boy on the day of ovulation. The key is you have to know EXACTLY when you ovulate - a good website to help you with this is the billings method one on w.woomb.com or similar. There is also a book on the subject by Hazel Chesterman Philips. I have done MUCH research on the subject!!!

When is your baby no 7 due? Is your husband up for number 8???

SilentTerror - I would say it is definitely BOTH the pregnancy AND the actual child I crave.

OP posts:

Idobelieveinfairies · 02/07/2007 12:14

I never had any feeling that told me i had enough children. So i got myself sterlised to stop it happening. I am sure i could go on forever! But money is the main reason for stopping at 8! Teenagers are expensive.

(i secretly hope every month that an egg has squeezed through them clips)..lol

CayKon · 02/07/2007 12:40

my nan had 13, my dad is 1 of 9, I have dd 15months ds 3months and that is it definately no more.

Out of the 13 1 had 4dc,3 had 3 dc 4 had 2dc, 1 had 1 and 4 didnt bother

with the 9 1 had 6d, 1 had 3, 1 had 2 and 1 had 1 5 didnt bother

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