Toilet training - going all wrong (a bit long!)

[THERESA]

My ds will be 3 in November & starts playgroup next week & is supposed to be toilet trained. Started at beginning of August as it's easier when you can stay at home, which I can't during term time as I've a 6 year old. I could go on & on about what I have & haven't done, but I won't. He's in proper pants & we're at the stage where he wets himself 2 - 4 times a day & usually poos himself. He seems to have no concept of 'needing to go' & would wet himself more if I wasn't taking him to the loo every half hour or so. So he's not really trained. He's quite happy to wee & poo on the loo, but obviously it's if he needs to while he's sitting there. I'm quite happy (!!) to put up with wet clothes & a smellyish house! I just wondered if anyone else had got there via 'this route'. I know all this business about 'waiting 'til they're ready' etc & I have to say I knew he wasn't, but summer hols was the best time to give it a go. Tried sticker charts & he's not interested. (6 yr old dd was a dream to train!)

Boys are often slower than girls to toilet train ( I have 4 of them). Does he definately need to be toilet trained for playgroup? My first son was seriously damaged by my attempts to toilet train him and he had bowel problems for a long time. Vowed never to do that again. I don't think any child should be pushed to be toilet trained. They can only do it when they are ready - even if it means a delay in starting playgroup.

Ds was potty trained when he started pre-school but I sent him in nappies for the 1st few weeks while he got used to the staff. He still used to wet the nappy basically because it was there until he'd made some friends there and seen them going to the toilet for a wee wee. He than asked for pants. Would playgroup not accept him in nappies?? Your ds would be fine in nappies and once he sees his friends weeing on the toilet it might be all the encouragement he needs. Good luck

message withdrawn

He's not ready and frankly it seems utterly pointless putting him in pants if he just wees and poos in them. Go back to nappies. My ds is three in just under a fortnight and is nowhere near ready either.

Sorry but I don't think you can force this one and he just doesn't sound as if he is getting the idea yet. If you do get a degree of success at home and the playgroup are happy to persevere and take him every 15 minutes or so then perhaps you could keep going but that depends on their resources and tbh unless he recognises the need to go himself it is pretty much a waste of time in the long run. We've just (hopefully) come out of a phase of wetting and soiling with dd, just 3, after we moved house but it was really no fun for anyone, I felt very restricted and several times I wanted to revert to pull ups but she resisted.

Would they take him in pull-ups so that at least he could try with the other children when they take a break ? (most nurseries and playgroups would have a routine to ensure the children do go during the session).

Agree with Lizs, how about pull-ups? You might find that seeing all the other children going off to the loo regularly helps the penny to drop IYSWIM. But really, the fact that he's having so many accidents a day does suggest that maybe he's not ready... Does he ever say "I need a wee" even if he then wets himself? If he does, that's a good sign as it shows there's some awareness there. Otherwise, I'd be tempted to have a word with nursery and either send him in nappies or keep him back for a bit.

Thanks everyone. Nice to hear of 3 year olds that are only 'just there'. He actually started playgroup on Weds & has been again today (just 2 days a week). Has been in proper pants both days. Wet himself on Weds as they were waiting for him to ask to go. They took him twice today and he had wee, then had another in his pants later. They have relaxed the rules as their numbers are falling and will take him in pullups if I want. However they've suggested giving it another couple of weeks and have said they're happy to change him. 'Accidents' are now down 2 two a day, and has only pood himself once this week, has been at least once a day on the loo. I know I shouldn't ask for advice and then not take it,but I think we'll persevere a little longer!

hi Theresa..
Think we started 'training' (what a misnomer that one is!)our boys at the same time (is he the one with Thomas pants?!!)
My ds is doing pretty well really, but tbqh I have reminded him quite frequently, and have been a stickler for no nappies during awake times (included a long car journey- where we had to have pee stops frequently)
He has been praised absolutley loads (and his sister dd(5) has also joined in) and he really loves that attention.
Having said all that, he still forgets and does wet himself- but hey so what! he's 2.8 months after all!!
The playgroup my little man goes to is really flexible and completely understanding of accidents etc, so that helps.
All I would say is don't stress yourself over it...(he will pick up on it..and I have known some really compliant kids who use it as their bit or rebellion!)
Just keep doing what you feel is right- you know best! good luck!!

Thanks Unicorn,yes that's us! Have you been to DLP yet, how did it go? (It's probably on another thread somewhere Iknow!)

In same situation myself with DS2 - we went cold turkey on the pullups 2 mths ago just before 3rd birthday. Last couple of weeks seems to be a little better but still wets/poos pants if playing outside, not as freq. as was. Starts preschool tomorrow will have to ask them to take him to loo as he wont ask. Really dont want to put him back in pullups for preschool as have persevered for so long now.

Thank you notadrop, just what I needed to hear! A friend (with a daughter who's dry day & night, same age as my dd - yes I know I shouldn't compare!) lent me her 'Huggies potty training' book. There's nothing new in it (apart from promoting pull-ups big time!), but lots of quotes fom parents with 3yr olds who are not yet, or only just 'trained' which is nice to hear!

Theresa,
what's DLP?

Sorry Unicorn, weren't you going to Disneyland Paris?Maybe I got you mixed up with someone else!