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Original poster

My mother trying to do all babies firsts

18 replies

Justanothermum95 · 17/01/2019 15:59

Hi all,

First time posting but having some problems. Me and my partner have had our first baby 6 months ago and so far everything has been fine.

My mum wants to come over twice a week which we have done since baby was born however, she wants to be there for everything. Me and my partner have some time off work together and she doesn't want us going out and doing things without her.

We told her our plans for our little ones first birthday and she has now told us she has booked to take our little one there first next month.

My partner isn't happy and I'm not either but dont know if I'm overreacting. Please can you let me know your thoughts on whether we're just being silly? Thanks

OP posts:

Sirzy · 17/01/2019 16:01

Just say “sorry that doesn’t fit”

You need to learn to say no. Or make alternative suggestions about what she can do.

She is obviously a loving grandma but you need to learn to control her gently

ReflectentMonatomism · 17/01/2019 16:01

We told her our plans for our little ones first birthday and she has now told us she has booked to take our little one there first next month.

If it matters to you, and it's perfectly reasonable that it does, then "no, that won't be happening".

IdleBetty · 17/01/2019 16:01

Don't tell her any of your plans. YANBU.

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IdleBetty · 17/01/2019 16:02

Sorry not on AIBU

Justanothermum93 · 17/01/2019 16:03

She definitely is - she dotes on our little one which is why I feel guilty about feeling like this - it's not the first time and I know it won't be the last.

user1493413286 · 17/01/2019 16:04

Say no; my mil was bad was this and I had to say no politely several times (and still do now). If it’s important to you then it’s not over reacting and for me firsts are very important

BuffaloCauliflower · 17/01/2019 16:05

I think you’re just going to have to be direct with her. Say that you need time as just a family, and there are things you want to do with your DC first and that that’s important to you. Say you’re grateful she wants to be involved but you need some things just for you 3

Justanothermum93 · 17/01/2019 16:07

Thank you all - it's always just been the two of us so I think she's struggling now. I am a push over and I know I am although slowly getting better ☺️

TchoupiEtDoudou · 17/01/2019 16:10

YANBU

I'm sure a 1 year old will get a lot more out of whatever you've planned than a 7 month old though.

It is totally U that she doesn't want you to do things without her

Maybe just gently remind her that she's had her time being a parent and now you want to experience it. or if she's thick-skinned, tell her no, you don't want her there.

TchoupiEtDoudou · 17/01/2019 16:12

maybe give her ideas of things she can do that can be her special thing with the baby? (something you don't mind her doing)

BF888 · 17/01/2019 16:21

I think just explain how you’re feeling. It’s not at all silly to want your own time with your own little family, especially for things that build memories.

I would maybe just say that whilst you love her coming around and you love the bond she’s created with your son. You’d appreciate it if she didn’t take you son to said place next month, as it means a lot for you and your husband to take him there for his first birthday. Maybe explain that you and your husband want to have family moments just the three of you and separate moments with grandparents. You’d appreciate it if as much as she wants to be involved, that she would think beforehand. Just try and set some boundaries in place, and maybe assure her that you will always include her in some moments because you want her to be apart of his memories and have a great relationship with him, but it won’t be every moment.

Tinkerbell89 · 17/01/2019 16:33

Say no and she needs to run things past you first as this is your baby not hers. Personally I don't think this is normal behaviour she must be over excited but she's had her chance and time being a mum it's yours now. Personally I would also cut the amount of times she seeing baby to a couple of times a month so she has less involvement as twice a week is a lot if she's acting this way. But only you can decide what's best for you all.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/01/2019 16:35

Had she booked it before you and it was a mix up? Or had you told her and then she booked it? Either way, if she's reasonable then she shouldn't have a problem with rearranging.

I thought this was going to be like my sister with her 'firsts'. Example... First time niece went on a motorway.

Justanothermum93 · 17/01/2019 16:48

Thanks for your responses :) she booked this a couple of weeks after I told her so no mix up. I'll have to start getting better at saying no and faster / it's too late this time round but hopefully she won't do it again now if I speak to her ☺️

BF888 · 18/01/2019 11:54

It’s never too late youre the mum and what you say for your child goes. I would make her cancel personally. She’s crossed the line booking it after you told her.

It is all new and sometimes we just don’t know how people will be! I’m sure she will listen once you speak to her again.

Sethis · 18/01/2019 11:59

It's not too late unless nonrefundable money has changed hands.

However the PPs have the right idea re. Telling your mother that you love her and appreciate her wanting to be a good Grandma, but you also want time to develop as a family as just the 3 of you, and she can be intrusive even with the best of intentions.

Moussemoose · 18/01/2019 12:00

Would the child enjoy going to this place?

Why deny the child a treat?

The baby won't remember who took him where first.

Justanothermum93 · 18/01/2019 21:09

Mousse - it's not that I'm denying her the treat, as I've said above it's too late this time so not going to cause a scene but don't want a repeat occurrence. We're happy for her to do things and enjoy her time with her grandchild, it was more the principle that we had already had this planned and something we wanted to do for a special occasion (first birthday) and she's gone and booked it to do first. There is so many other things/places they could have gone.

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