Feeling judged as a FT WOHP...?

[Mumof1DS]

How do you deal with feeling judged as a full time WOHP? Do you even feel it? Is it just water off a ducks back to you?
I have just gone back full time after a phased return over Dec. DS is very nearly a year old. I went back a little early for financial reasons primarily and a little for MH reasons. DS is in nursery 4 days and 1 day with DM. he doesn't often do a full nursery day, as DH works shifts so could be more like 11-5.30, 7.30-3/4 rather than the full day of 7.30-5.30.
DH and i are both in professional roles, me being NQ before mat leave, DH more established so with us working full time, we earn reasonably well between us, in that we live in a fairly expensive city, can afford to save for holidays (nothing far flung or exotic), and will be able to allow the DC to do extra curriculars when they're older (the way we were brought up basically).
I had pnd which has recently started improving, so i don't know if I'm reading too much into it. I'm getting a lot of:
"Oh, you're back full time?"
"And how's it going being full time? Disapproving pause

I've had counseling for my pnd and i am confident that we are making the right decision for our little family. DS loves nursery, DM loves her day with him and he with her, it makes things much easier financially (so us also less stressed by default), and it's good for my MH as pre mat leave, i hadn't realised how much of my self esteem comes from the fact that o enjoy my job and I'm good at what is do.
If i didn't enjoy it, it would be a different matter entirely, but i do. We want more DC, and ultimately i probably will go part time for a while but right now, working full time rids us of most financial pressure.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love more time at home with DS, but it just doesn't seem achievable right now unless we really scraped by on DH's wage alone.
Did anyone else face the same dilemma? How do/did you deal with it?
Also, im pleased that I'm maintaining my earning potential, as heaven forbid, if anything happened between DH and i, i could then support the DC financially.
Am i being cold here? Can we actually have it all? Can we not?
Your experiences most welcome please...

Just remind yourself why you're doing this - it is what works best for your family at this time. That's all that matters. If you feel guilty or question yourself other people's comments will feel much more barbed.

I'm reply just smile and say its great thanks / well we always knew it would be chaotic but we're all happy / yep, def the right decision for us all etc. And repeat. People will get tired of asking

Also remember people would jusge you for
A. Going back full time - oh he's in childcare ALL THE TIME??
B. Going back part time - So you're sacrificing your career / STILL putting him in childcare??
C. Not going back - you've given up your career to be a leech on your husband??
D. Changing to WFH - well you aren't doing either properly are yiu?
E. Not having kids - I always think childless people are so much more selfish. Who will provide carers and doctors in the future if none of us had kids
F. Saved the world single handedly - well you could have done it quicker!!

Totally agree with @SleepingStandingUp - people will enjoy judging you to make themselves feel better whatever you do, so you can only focus on what you and your family needs.

If it makes you feel any better I was back part time within weeks (i run my own business so had no choice) and will have to be full time by the time DS is 4 months old. I know women who’ve had to go back full time at two months too - it’s tough but sometimes it is the right thing on balance.

Thanks ladies. it's true that we can't do right by everyone. I'm going to try and keep repeating to myself that it's the best thing for all of us...
It's just hard to think that people assume you love your child less than those who work PT or stay at home
Glad it's not just me in the boat!!

No one thinks you love your child less because of your choices, which sound very well thought out for your own circumstances.

With my first child I hated this and felt guilty/shamed/angry and like I had to keep explaining myself.
With my 2nd I just say we do what suits us and everyone is different with a clear fuck off you twat look on my face.

People love to judge
@SleepingStandingUp has it spot on

If your DC is ok, then you're ok

I've always worked ft out of home, went back 6 month's after ds2

It sounds like you have a great work and family life balance

If you get any comments about full time work simply smile and say that's it's going really well for you all, as it's the truth.

I have always been FT and have 2 dcs aged 5 and 7.

I remember feeling exactly as you describe. I always remember a man at work whose wife had given birth at the same time as me, and when I came back he did the head tilt thing and asked if I didn't feel guilty about working ft and I WISH I'd said 'no, do you?' Because no one ever asks a man those questions. As time has gone on I feel less bothered by it as it's clear my kids are growing up into amazing little people. If I feel at any point like it's not working for us then if course we'd make changes but as it is it feels ok.

It sounds as if you are doing what is right for you and your child and that he has a great balance.

Tell them straight out they are arseholes. People judged me for going back to work early and DP was a sage. Would have judged me more if we had been on the streets because I took longer off as I earn enough to pay the bills and DP doesn’t. Really embarrasses people when you tell them things like that straight out.

Wow, you all sound so confident in your choice. I definitely need to perfect the response i think!!
Thank you for the reassurance!