Help with Seperation Anxiety of 4MO

[Abigail333]

My 4mo daughter has terrible separation anxiety, even towards family members and friends whom she saw weekly.
The hardest one to handle is my in-laws as she sees them weekly but they are unable to say hello to her without her howling in terror - they aren’t scary, they aren’t in her face and they are as calm and nice as can be

I’m trying things from the internet including scents in muslins, letting my MiL feed her (which she handles fine without issue but as soon as she finishes and tries to interact with her, it starts again) and also showing pictures of them and acting positive

my MiL took her a month ago for 2h and she went into meltdown and all other interactions have now left my MiL rather timid to help babysit as I know it’s upset her
We’ve agreed to try again this week but I’m ill with worry that it will happen again and might put MiL off and we have no other help to get time to ourselves.

Can anyone suggest anything else they may have tried which we could test - Ive ran out of ideas 😔

She's been attached to you for 9 months: of course everything is new to her. A whole new world where only YOU are her only source of security. I would suggest you never ever force her to be carried or fed by someone she doesn't want to be held or fed by. The bond and trust that you need to build with your baby is far more important than how your adult family members feel. You need to make her feel like no matter what you will respect her needs. If you keep giving her to people while she clearly doesn't want you will only make her more anxious. Of course it might be unrealistic as you probably have things you need to do and you have to leave her sometimes so idk to be honest. My son stayed with me every single day until he was probably 10 months. By then his anxiety had gone and he didn't need me with him all the time. So I was able to comfortably leave him with family.

We’ve been finding ways to introduce her to family but even if she sees the several days a week, she still had the same reaction to all.
I found out I have only had 10h away since she was born - and she was with her father for 8 of those and 2h with my MiL but we have never been able to get her to bond with anyone else which a) is tough as I’m in and out of hospital appointments needing X-rays and an upcoming operation and OH is unable to take time off to help so I am having to take her everywhere with me
B) whilst I know we need to bond and protect LO, surely it’s not healthy to be with LO all the time - we aren’t leaving overnight as we’re not ready to do that but nearly 2miles away in a cinema for 2h.

Just unsure why she’s happy being fed by MiL but the second she or anyone talks to her, she goes into a meltdown. Even the health visitors are confused when they’ve attended as we are very sociable in baby clubs and she’s fine around other LOs

Try and relax about it, she may be picking up on your anxiety and apprehension. Babies change so much in such a short space of time at this age and everything is just a passing phase. Perhaps she is going through a leap at the moment. Check out the wonder weeks. It will not always be like this.