Overweight DD

[childrenwithneeds]

I'm not after negative or bad parenting comments - I'm here for some help and advice.

My 12/nearly 13 year old DD is overweight and despite eating reasonably healthily at home, providing packed lunches so know what I'm giving her, she doesn't seem to care about the fact she is overweight.

She is approx 5'5" tall and weighs 210lb (15 stone). She is a size 12-14 bottom and 16-18 top, depending on where we buy from.

Over time I've tried the nice chat, I've tried the scare-mongering chat, I've tried the Auntie and nana chat, even her best friend have tried to help her... if I was to take her to the GP I don't know what they could do that would make any difference to her.

I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do or try.... she doesn't eat lots of sweets/rubbish etc and has a good varied diet....

Help/advice would be really really appreciated.

Btw, this DD is not the one with additional needs..... x

Have you had her thyroid checked? Don’t make her feel bad about her weight. People who feel bad about themselves rarely want to improve themselves. Get auntie and nana and you and her out for walks, join a fitness class she will enjoy, go swimming. Introduce healthy activities. It could be a hormone thing but shaming her Won’t encourage her.

So how do you believe she has come to be overweight? If her meals are healthy and her lunchbox is healthy, what is she having that has caused the weight?

Do you give her pocket money that she is spending on food?

I'd try to get her more active first and see if that has an impact. Is there anything she'd like to try?

It is important to take her to the GP to check that there is no underlying issue causing her weight problem.

As a PP said, if she's eating healthily at home how is she accessing unhealthy foods or the kinds of quantities of food that would cause this weight gain? Is she spending her pocket money on food? Do you give her lunch money? Is she raiding the cupboards at home in the night? I think you need to pinpoint where she is getting this food from.

In terms of exercise, I used to much prefer sports and games to "boring" exercise when I was a teenager. I was not athletic and was on the slightly chubby side myself so I get that not all teens love physical exercise. My favourites were rounders, tennis, swimming and trampolining. Would she try any of those?

Is she buying sweets/drinks on the way home or stuff in the school canteen? It's harder at this age as they can buy stuff when out and about with friends or on the way to and from school.

I’m sorry that you are struggling and I am not meaning to add a negative comment - but I think you need to take her to the GP straight away. I’d be very worried about something underlying, here, and I really think you need medical support, checks and perhaps treatment or at least a dietician. Everything said above is very true, and I am sure helpful for children who are a little overweight. But the weight you describe is more than a little overweight, it is more than twice the average weight for her age. As you know her diet is good, it seems to me there is absolutely something to investigate medically.

I hope that you can find the support you and your DD need.

GP

Read The Obesity Code by Jason Fung

You can solve this very quickly.

The GP can check there is no underlying health issue and refer to dietitian and possibly to community exercise/wellbeing for her age group.

This is NOT a case of being a bit overweight and will likely have a lifelong impact on her health. It will take time to resolve. She may well benefit from emotional help too - if her meals and packed lunches are healthy, is she bingeing in secret?

Hi, I was an overweight teenager. Probably around the same sort of weight at that age, maybe slightly smaller than your DD but anyway..

My weight issue was because DM let us eat what the hell we wanted. She had no boundaries with food, we could eat unhealthy snacks before tea, had massive portions, seconds, but never given a proper breakfast just crisps in the car as she was always late. Obviously this isn’t the case here as you say you’re feeding your daughter healthy meals.

Does she have any means of buying herself food at school, or on the way to and from, secret eating?

Does she do much exercise? Exercise can really help. Maybe a fit bit?

I have no advice as such. But I was a fat teenager (sorry if that sounds blunt). I didn’t really care at 12-13 but as I got older I become more paranoid so derided to try hard and shift some weight. I lost 3 stone around the ages of 16-17 by eating healthily and exercising. Admittedly I have two D.C. now and have put on weight but I’m taller now and I carry the weight better than I did as a teenager.

Obviously try and guide her to make healthier choices but try not to make her feel guilty about her weight. My mother did that all the time. (Ironically she was the reason I was overweight). She used to say nasty things like I’d never get a boyfriend, or look nice at the prom. It may sound like a cliche but beauty really does come from within.

Maybe take her to the doctors?

I have concerns over my sister. I have never said anything as I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. She is 11 nearly 12 and considerably overweight. I’m not sure how overweight she is but I’m big now but she has a bigger belly and arms/legs than me and I worry about her health. Like she did with me, my mum let’s her eat too much. She also does little exercise now she’s become a bit addicted to Fortnite!!

Good luck!

Thanks for your advice and support.

Firstly, there were times where there were prosessed foods etc, but over last 12 months I know what she's been eating at home/lunch...

She does not get regular pocket money as such, but does go it with friends once, maybe twice a week to the high street. I'm assured by these friends (trusted to tell me the truth) that sometimes she is not buying, however other times I've been told she's bought 'sharing' size packs of sweets and shared them out EVEN though they've tried to nicely stop her...

She is not a big soda drinker - water or sugar free squash.

She did gain some weight in 2016 when I moved into the hospital with DD who was in hospital for 7 months and DH was in charge - it was difficult for all of us. Also, last year just before her periods.

She is not sneaking food at night time and I have security cameras on exit doors in kitchen which actually covers the cupboards, so can see if she's picking when she shouldn't.

I'm not making excuses for her... I think I'll make an appointment with the nice GP and see what she can help....

Another former fat kid here. It was hell for me, but I pretended I was ok. I always felt self conscious next to my school mates and PE was a nightmare. I still remember the remarks I got in school and I’m in my thirties now. I got worse at A levels when I peaked at size 18-20. I didn’t have a supportive mother like you seem to be - I would have loved some encouragement and support to lose weight. I only lost it after I moved out but it left its mark in the form of horrible loose skin which meant I still hated my body.

I gained 5 stone in the space of 7 months a few years ago, I was so unwell. Tired, grumpy, genuinely couldn’t keep food down. I should have been losing weight but I was like a balloon. Had a blood test and my thyroid was in crisis, as in I was rushed into hospital, immediately. Fortunately I started on meds to regulate and the weight fell off me. No change in diet. Not saying it’s the same for DD but she would need to be putting serious calories away for that kind of gain, and if she’s not then I’d be inclined to think she needs her bloods checked

She did gain some weight in 2016 when I moved into the hospital with DD who was in hospital for 7 months and DH was in charge - it was difficult for all of us.
Oh poor thing. Sometimes people overeat to "fill a hole" I overate after my dh died.
I agree re going to the GP.. I find a slimming club helps with motivation if you have a weight problem. Ask the GP if they recommend one