Please help - Where to start with ridiculously naughty 3 year old?

[DonaldDucksTowel]

My 3 year olds behaviour is honestly getting out of control and I don’t know where to start

I could go on forever but I’ll just bullet point problem areas -

• won’t sleep in own bed
• won’t sit at the table to eat meals
• doesn’t listen to literally a word anyone says
• screams blue murder when he doesn’t get his own way
• hits people when he’s tantrumming, me, his siblings, everyone
• won’t listen if he doesn’t want to, just screams on your face and repeats the thing he wants over and over
• doesn’t share well
• will occasionally (4 or 5 times) wee on the furniture if he doesn’t get his own way

He is very very very clingy to me and I find it quite hard to be as hard on him as I am with his siblings because of this, he gets himself into some right old states and just sobs and screams for me (he’s doing this upstairs now while DP is attempting to bath him, just sobbing and screaming Mummy)
But I am struggling now and tbh it’s getting really embarrassing and I’ve stopped taking him out in public as much which isn’t fair on his siblings

His understanding isn’t quite where most 3 year olds are (he hasn’t been 3 for very long) so I don’t think things like reward charts would work, naughty step doesn’t work he just runs away laughing and saying no

Where do I start? What do I do?!

Bump

Crikes that sounds tough. You poor thing! And poor boy, it sounds like he gets into such a state. Do you have a sensible health visitor you could ask for advice? Or book a double appointment with the G.P?

In terms of all the behaviour I think it’s impossible to deal with all of this at once, so I’d maybe work out what the priorities are: eg: the hitting and screaming - and deal with those first, with zero tolerance but be more relaxed about sitting at the table and sleeping in his own bed. I think I’d try and do some physical activity one on one with him too, although I know it’s hard with other kids too (I have 4).

In the mean time have you considered it might be partly dietary? DD1 was so full on at the same age and keeping a food diary helped us to pin point stuff she was possibly reacting to. She was a horror after anything very processed particularly some colours and eliminating these helped.

Don’t know if you’ve read it but there’s a good book called ‘how to talk so little kids listen’ which has helped me.

Good luck. Parenting is SO flipping hard sometimes.

Sounds like normal 3yo behavior to me. Try distracting techniques rather than punishment. Naughty step doesn't really work for any age. It is a punishment and does nothing to resolve the root cause of the undesirable behavior. So distracting example is if he is bashing the tv I would tell him not to bash the tv and why not, while moving him away. Then get some toys out and actually get down on the floor with him for a bit.
Also I find when my 2 get clingy with me I love bomb them and spend more time doing something with them. They usually get fed up of my smothering snuggles and bugger off.
Try to make tasks such as getting dressed into a game rather than a battle. Try to put his trousers on your head and make it a bit silly. If you struggle to get him into the car ask him to hop there or to race. Sibling can join on with this.
It's very hard to remember not to get completely exasperated with the little buggers.

By not sleeping in their own bed do you mean he wants to get into bed with you? That’s sounds normal and I would just let it happen.

If you are concerned about his behaviour then speak to your HV and see if they can refer you to the triple P parenting program - in our area you can do it free online.

The book how to talk so little children listen is also very good.