Advice please - postpartum relationships

[FTM2019]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post, and I have been reluctant to post but I really am struggling and just need some reassurance/to hear other views.

I have always had a close relationship with my mum, she's had a tough time and struggles with her own mental health but has always provided and supported me. I have however been a huge support for her too, sometimes taking on a lot of responsibility.

My baby is 2 weeks old and since the birth I feel our relationship has begun to fracture - I think she thought I would need to rely on her more and she would be here all the time but my partner is very hands on and has 6 weeks paternity leave of which we have really decided to spend as much time together as possible. She doesn't think this is right, and complains that she hasn't changed a nappy or dressed him etc. yet, and keeps stressing that we need to spend some time separately which I agree with but we are only 2 weeks in! She also stated that many daughters move their mums in for the first couple of weeks - is this right? She was my birth partner alongside my fiancé and in the first week she did several loads of washing, cooking and came over when the baby blues hit on day 4 so it's not that she hasn't been involved at all!

I find myself worrying about my relationship with my mum which is really impacting my mood and is bringing on anxiety. I just want to focus on my new little family but now I'm questioning whether I am in the wrong?

I would be really interested to hear other people's experiences of their relationships with their mum after birth x

No, no, no you are your new born should not be separated at all it will be very stressful for both you.

I know no one who moved their Mum in. I was very poorly after DD, complications for c section and spesis and MIL did lots round the house for us. She never once asked to hold DD, maybe I would have liked her to offer but she did not want to step on my toes. Even helping in the house felt invasive at times and it became too much.

My dm had no interest in babies tbh. Was very hands on with the ironing board and that suited me just fine. Can you dp send her a huge pile over? Keep her busy and out of your way! Make sure she gets a visiting slot sometimes though!! A well managed dgm can be a godsend.

You don’t need anyone with you at this stage except your baby. Having your partner there is brilliant, and it sounds like he’ll be a great hands on dad. These first weeks are for bonding.
Your mum maybe had her babies in a time when men didn’t get parental leave and the grandma stayed for the first few weeks.
Is this her first grandchild? Explain to your mum that you are taking advantage of his leave and bonding together, but he’ll be going back to work soon, and maybe she could help a bit more then.

Thank you all for replying - it seems everyone does have a different experience.

My mum had complications after 2 of her pregnancies and I believe that's where this comes from as her parents had to really step in and help out. It is her first grandchild and so I know it's important for her to spend time with him, but now she's even pulling back on that and making excuses even though we already had plans. What doesn't help is that she's actually so busy herself as my sister is much younger so instead of her fitting in to what we're doing we kind of have to work around her.

I have just seen our HV for the first time and she has reassured me and told me to focus on myself as my mum won't go anywhere and will come around, it's just hard when we've always been so close.

I have told her and explained to her that once my fiancé returns to work I will need her support much more and spend much more time with her. X