Is my child "naughty"?

[agustusgloop]

I have an 18 month old.

He won't sit still for longer than 30 seconds. He twists and whinges and complains several times a day just because he can or because he feels like it.

Normal? I thought so. But today I went to a mother and baby group, the other similar aged kids all sat clingy to mummy while mine ran around and laughed etc (fine as it was appropriate in this environment, I wouldn't allow this in a cafe etc). It's made me feel down. Am I doing things right?

He's also started hitting me and pulling my hair and I'm finding it really upsetting. How can I get him to stop?

I

** he only seems to do this with me and his father. He behaves immaculately for grandparents and nursery!

Op 😂😂 he’s 18 months old. Of course he’s naughty! He’s supposed to be. There’s nothing at all wrong with a baby getting up and running about. He’s active!! Don’t worry!!

That sounds like my 20 month DD; we really worked on the hitting about a month ago though and that’s got better.
She might sit in front of the tv for 5 minutes but apart from that she is up here there and everywhere no matter where we are

I am probably being totally silly but he's really being extra difficult lately.

And now he's physically hurting me and laughing when I tell him off for doing so, it's just getting to me. Sorry.

I take the approach that I’m glad she has the confidence to be up playing and not stuck to me

@user1493413286 yes, I suppose that's a good way to look at it!

I just felt a bit silly this morning as we had activities to do with our children and everyone else's played ball but not mine. Mine twisted and whinged. Then was only happy when running about the place! Why won't mine do the activity 😩

@user1493413286 how did you deal with the hitting and hair pulling?

My DD was laughing after hitting me and when I’d tell her off. It was hard going but I consistently would say no and physically move her away from me so she learnt that she couldn’t sit near me if she was going to hit and I’d start doing something else. If she then approached me to play that was fine and it worked better than an extended telling off as she was just getting my attention for longer.
Also realised that my DH would laugh when she did it to him so I asked him to do the same as I was doing.
It was hard work but she doesn’t do it any more.

When my eldest was that age I took him to a toddlers music class. All the other children sat in a circle on the floor very well behaved and paying attention to everything the teacher told them to do. My DS ran about the room, joined in when he felt like it and would absolutely not sit the full half hour. I felt so embarrassed but looking back it just wasn’t in his nature to be so placid. He’s one of best behaved in his class at school now but he likes to be active and explore. He’s not naughty and you’re not doing anything wrong. X

@user1493413286 that's similar to my approach. I tell him "no" firmly but calmly and if he does it again, I move him onto the floor and ignore him. He screams and cries. I feel awful, but he has to learn.

@thefourgp thanks so much. That sounds very similar to today. I found it really embarrassing and was worried people were thinking he was out of control (he wasn't being naughty, he was just a lot more active than the others!)

Sometimes I feel it's because he's irritated. He always seems to a developmental sep ahead of himself and is really frustrated he can't yet "do" the stuff he's trying to!

Thanks for the replies though. I was starting to think maybe he is naughty and I'm not correcting him or teaching him correctly

Sounds normal.

With the hitting. IME telling off doesn't really work very well. Better is a short phrase said calmly e.g. no we don't hit. Then put him on floor and turn away. Basically he learns that hitting makes things MORE BORING and gets attention taken off him.

Kids crave attention. Make sure you're paying lots of attention giving praise and chatting to him when he does good stuff, it will make a difference.

Then he'll turn 2 and back to square one..

What Rednaxela said.

Although rather than "No" I say "Stop" because it tells them what you want them to do iyswim.

Don't worry about not wanting to do the activity, he's 18 months, not an age to necessarily be interested in a prescribed activity. Was it a craft? I bet it was a bloody craft. No imagination from the group leader if you ask me (mine wasnt interested in craft until he was 8...at which point nobody was impressed...life's not fair ).

My DC wouldn't sit still and participate in those baby classes and groups. If there was space to move, they were off. I used to get quite upset because mine were "the only ones" who wouldn't join in.

It took awhile to realise they were the only ones because the other children who didn't sit just weren't coming because their mothers had given up.

Hello! You have described my ds1. Do not worry. He would never sit still, and I took him to so many baby/toddler classes where he would just rampage around while everyone else’s kids sat placidly. He also went through a biting and hitting phase. Remain calm and it will pass. He is now 3.5 and still full of beans but loves structured activities now and has the sweetest nature.

Ds2 is the same age as yours and is biting me constantly and finding it hilarious. I know it’s a phase.

It really does seem like you are the only one with a child like this I know but you are not - we are out there, and from what you have described you have nothing to worry about xx

That’s noramal just as it’s normal some children are “sat clingy” to their mothers. Nothing wrong with either.

Both my kids have been the same. It’s frustrating at baby groups where they’re meant to sit and participate but I’m always relieved they’re confident and active rather than just not exploring anything and sitting with me the whole time.

We go to a weekly music group (me and DS2, 14 months) and yes he’s basically the only one who gets up and run around. This week he went round the whole circle smiling at all the adults individually and even kissed one of the grandmas in attendance. He dances to the music and loves it but also runs to the back of the room to everyone’s bags and shoes which is very annoying!

Thank you so much everyone x