Why are other parents so judgemental & closed off?

[AlphaFemale86]

I've had this issue for a while now, my daughter stated school this year & initially I was so excited as I thought it was great the opportunity to make some friends with other parents. I'm new to place I live and don't know many people. Anyways my daughter started school and she's doing fab, has made loads of friends and I'm so happy for her! But the parents of some of these children are closed off and always in their own little cliques. They don't seem to want to get to know new people and believe me I've tried, I've always been nice and gone out my way to engage people in coversations etc. I just wish it was easier to make friends as a grown up 😂 does anyone else find the school playground So clique among parents??

I’ve noticed that quite a lot of people get into a conversation and don’t seem to be aware of what’s going on around them. I’ve often found it hard to join a group conversation even when the group comprises people who are friendly and chatty to me st other times. I think that can look cliquey from the outside.
Other people are great at chatting but also seeing who else is around and sweeping them in to the group.
It’s easy to assume I’ll intent but most people aren’t even thinking of you never mind judging you. At best, if they are thinking about you, they’re probably feeling awkward.
In general I’ve found that organizing play dates can be a good way to break the ice.

I think this is partly down to luck - some schools seem to have much more friendly and inclusive/welcoming parents than others. I've been very lucky with mine, but know some people who've been much less lucky (and who've commented on how different it was when their kid moved to our school).

Another factor is the random mix of people (as a PP has commented) - the other parents aren't necessarily going to be people you would be close friends with anyway.

Sometimes it improves if you invite other kids for playdates and their parents might chat when picking them up. Or some schools have 'Class Reps' for each class from the PTA who organise coffee mornings and nights out for parents to get to know each other. And anyone can start a Facebook group for parents of a particular class/year to join; useful for lost property, homework questions, even for proposing social events for parents and things like family picnics in the park during the holidays.

My DD started school in September and it's a small village school with one class per year group.

We found that a large number of them had been to pre-school together so a large majority of the parents knew each other and haven't really been open with new people.

We all have the friendly before school chat when the children are around but that's it for me. There's also the added element that I know a lot of them stay and chat once the bell has rung (the one day I was off work I noticed they all huddle near their cars talking) to go in but I dash off to work so don't have that opportunity. DD also does after school club so I don't really see them again until the next morning.

It's not worth worrying about.

Easiest way to feel included in a school is to join the PTA. It has been a very positive experience for me although I know some places have a cliquey PTA as well... Nothing ventured etc