Why does my baby still not sleep at night?!!

[Mimi2018]

Hello

I have a 7months year old and she still does not sleep throughout the night - or at least sleep with only one or two wake ups for feeds.

I just don't understand I thought it was meant to get better esp as I started her in solids at 6months.

She wakes up every 1 to 2 hours sometimes in a good day 2.5hours

I am breastfeeding.

Surely when my daughter wakes up 5/6 times she can't be hungry all those times so what else could it be??

Is it because breastfed babies want more comfort and more clingy??

Is it she wakes up for reassurance I'm still there?

As I notice when I give her the breast on some of the walk ups she's not really sucking it's just to fall back to sleep again..

Please help with an explanation and how i can help better this?

What about giving a dummy?

Ah it's hard Op. I don't think she's hungry it's just that she wakes up and doesn't know how to get herself back to sleep. Babies have shorter sleep cycles than us. My bottle fed son didn't go through the night until about one and a half. Ewan the Dream Sheep helped as he could put it on by himself and it was a source of comfort. Maybe worth a try?

OP I am going through the same thing with my 6 month old baby. I recently switched from Breast to formula feeding but it made no difference. Being “full up” doesn’t make him sleep any better.
To reassure you about the sleep associations- my LO can put himself to sleep most of the time in his own cot at night. I pop him in, turn the light off and leave him to it. He never cries and always goes to sleep fine. BUT he still wakes 4-7 times a night and often cries until I go in and replace the dummy or feed him. He can’t seem to settle himself as easily during the night (he can sometimes but not always). So I don’t necessarily think it’s the sleep association or feeding to sleep which is waking your LO up. Perhaps it’s just their age/ the stage or development/teething/weaning... I’m guessing it’s one or all of those things bothering my LO and I’m just hoping they all sort themselves out eventually! I am also completely exhausted. Good luck! I hope you get some sleep soon!

Have you considered introducing a bottle- you could express? As I said it may have just been a coincidence, but my baby started sleeping at 8 months when he was given a bottle at night and then I stopped b feeding at this point. I know several people who breastfed until 2 1/2- 3 and they were up every night until they stopped b feeding.

As I said it could have been a coincidence, and some people like to b feed. But for me the sleep was more important as after 8 months of sleep deprivation I needed relief

For me, it wasn't about being full up, it was the fact he didn't need to feed off me to go back to sleep. He would fall asleep after an hour (sometimes more) of sucking on me at night and then wake up and want to have more of the same to get him back to sleep. The bottle (I think) broke that association and he would still be awake when I put him in cot (with his comforter- a bunny) and he would get himself to sleep and so be able to do it again in the night.

I gradually did this by giving him a bottle, and letting him finish off on the breast until he no longer wanted any milk from me at night.

I also let him have a little cry for up to five mins (rarely got to five mins though) and he would resettle and go back to sleep on his own.

@Mimi2018 it does sound like a sleep association so I'd suggest The Gentle Sleep Book (it's got a purple cover). It gives a variety of options in overcoming sleep associations as well as helping the baby to learn to self settle. I'd suggest giving your partner the job of bedtime so that a) you get some much needed downtime and b)he deals with the stress of overcoming the sleep association seeing as he refuses to help overnight.

We do a bedtime routine of bottle/breast, bath, and then a story read to baby whilst they're in bed. We started with a shush/pat approach if they cried and if that didn't work we'd pick baby up to soothe them and put them back down when they'd stopped crying and would repeat as needed until they fell asleep. Gradually less intervention is needed from the parent and they can settle from tired but awake without any help.

I have two under 2yrs (the youngest is 5mths) and both sleep through. I breast fed the first initially and bottle fed the second so don't believe bottle feeding necessarily makes them sleep better.

Sounds like your DD is looking for reassurance at night. That cold be caused by all sorts of things - separation anxiety, feeling fidgety as improves, discomfort from teething/growing pains/illness/gas as her digestive system will still be adjusting to solid food.

It might get better soon, many babies have bad patches that don’t last long. Or it might take her a long time to not feel that she needs you at night. Either of those is perfectly normal and depends on the child.

Do you have support so that you can get a nap and catch up on sleep during the day? I did all the night wakings during maternity leave because that made sense, but later my DH would take DD out for some daddy time at weekends so that I could have some time to myself. When he was away for a couple of weeks my mother sometimes came over for the afternoon to give me a break. Babies are hard work, and although some sleep through the night, many do not and you need to have a plan so that you can rest and recharge even if you have broken nights for a long time to come.

There's a huge amount of development going on at that stage which makes it hard plus teething plus eating solids. My LO used to wake up in the night crying because he was having issues farting! I think the best you can do is try to get some rest during the day and speak to your partner about splitting time at the weekend so you can catch up a bit on sleep.

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice and info..

I am feeling really down as my husband is blaming me for my daughter not sleeping and everything is my fault.. he says

1. I'm controlling for setting a bedtime routine for my daughter since birth which is at 8pm he says I am wrong for forcing her to go sleep at 8pm but I am not forcing her she always gets tired around that time since birth and since then I stayed consistent with 8pm bedtime

1. He says I put her to sleep at 8pm for my own benefit as he says i am just doing that so my daughter doesn't have to sit with his parents (we live with them) that is not the case I think 8pm is a good tome to put her to sleep

1. He believes that the reason she is not sleeping is coz I put her to sleep to early and he believes she should go sleep a 10/11pm as a 8minth year old baby

1. He is also blaming me saying the food I give her is causing her problems when that isn't the case as the food I am giving ate just root vegetables at the moment and porridge how can there anything be wrong with that

1. He just always puts me down and says I disturb his sleep and I'm not a good mother basically

Just feel really down

It sounds like you have a husband problem. He should be supporting you not blaming you.
I work with parents and babies and we always recommend a set bedtime.
You can carry on as you are or begin to sleep train. If sleep training I would feed til drowsy and then put down still awake. Then sit by her cot stroking her until she falls asleep but not picking her up. Over time you’ll move further away from her cot. This method is called gradual retreat.

That’s a DH problem, not a sleep problem. 8pm is very common bedtime at that age (I admit, my DD was usually up later, but that was what worked for her/us, most of my NCT group had bedtime at 8 or earlier). It’s a bit silly to say you’re forcing your daughter to go to sleep. If she wasn’t tired, she wouldn’t go to sleep! You can’t force someone to go to sleep. The food sounds pretty standard for her age too, although you can be more experimental if you like, at 7 months she’s probably ready to try some more textures.

I would guess that both of you are very short on sleep if your DD is asking both of you up every night. Is there a spare room he can use so he can get a good night when he needs one? If that doesn’t help, he’s just being childish and needs to accept that children change your life and he can’t just expect everything to be exactly as it was before.

Yes there is a spare room which he's taking advantage of as I feel it's really unfair that I have to do the night all by myself.. I don't mind couple nights in the spare room but I would like some help as well

He says I force her to sleep as when it hits 8pm even if she's not tired I still start the bed time routine and keep her in the bedroom dim lights etc until she goes sleep..

He says it should be that way rather I should keep her in the front room until whatever time it takes until she feels tired..

Back to the main issue of LO not sleeping it's becoming unbearable but I will take on board the advice that has been posted on this thread as there's lots to take :)

I'm afraid it's your expectations that need adjusting, not your baby. I mean that kindly and I understand what it's like to be absolutely exhausted. Nothing magical happens when your baby hits 6 months. Even if their tummy is full they can still wake because they need comfort. My eldest was 15mo when he started sleeping through consistently and my 2 year old still doesn't do it.

I have many, many friends with children and the vast majority were 1yr+ before they sleep improved.

Also it's totally natural for baby to fall asleep at the breast. Breast milk contains hormones at night that are designed to make you both sleepy (I think it's prolactin - can't be arsed to google!).

Look 'The Milk Meg' up on Facebook - she's great for reassurance on what's 'normal' for breastfeeding mums. Co sleeping might help you get more rest yourself. I bf my youngest until he was 17mo and he was similar - he just wanted to comfort of boob to get back to sleep so I went with it. He usually wakes once per night now.

This too shall pass!

I'm afraid your DH is an arsehole. What horrible things to say to a first time mum. He needs to adjust HIS expectations! My son was sometimes bed by half five when he was little because he was tired. 8pm 8s not unreasonable. My DH helped every night with bottle feeds despite working full time and commuting by car 2 hours a day.

Yes he is an arsehole really makes being a first time mum harder than it already is for me..

He just doesn't get it as he compares me to his sisters who are mothers of 4..

Mimi I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m tempted to say leave him actually... but I know that’s easier said than done.

I have a nearly 7 month old and we have the same issues. Although during the weekend I expect DH to get up with DD while I have a lie in, he will also pitch in when it becomes too much even if he has to go to work the next day. Your partner belittling you is completely unacceptable. Can you move to your Mums house?

Regarding the sleep issue.. I have to feed to sleep for naps/ bedtime and I have accepted it now as if I leave her to cry she will scream for hours and get too distressed. A bottle before bed did not help as she is comfort feeding more than anything. I’m currently trying to put white noise on while feeding to develop another sleep association. When I’m really tired I bring her in with me and feed on my side which works well. How much day time sleep does your little one get? You could even do 7pm as a bedtime as overtiredness makes them worse.

I think that 6 month old babies sleeping through the night is a myth as all babies I know are waking a lot too.

Sorry not much advice but you are not alone!

@Mimi2018 (I'm also a Mimi BTW!) I have an 8 month old daughter who is the same and seems to be getting worse 😩😩😩

Lately she's just letting me put her down! Getting really fed up with it now. Hoping things improve for the both of us soon x

Oh and my OH also sleeps in the spare room too.. But I'm glad of it because although he doesn't wake up enough to do anything, he wakes enough to fidget or start snoring and then that just winds me up. And if I wake him to ask for help (he's good at rocking her to sleep) huffs and puffs which just winds me up even more!!!

@Mimi2018 - lots of hugs and love coming your way. I have a 4 and a half month old and I'm absolutely exhausted too. I've pressurised myself to get him into a routine but he's not having any of it. That means, sometimes he'll nap for an hour, two hours, 10 minutes or half an hour and then he'll be up again and wanting to be entertained. My house is a mess and I look a state. He used to sleep for a long stretch at night but now that's even disappeared and I'm constantly on nipple duty! Your husband sounds really insensitive. He sounds like he's projecting his own lack of understanding on how to help or what to do onto you. Keep going, believe in yourself - you know your child best- and things will hopefully improve soon.

Ps. My husband sleeps in the spare room but I'm really grateful for that- the man is so noisy when asleep. In my culture, there's a saying "Paradise lies under your mother's feet". When I'm really, really tired, I remind myself of that and how there's hopefully a bigger reward at the end of everything! :)