How much nursery is too much?

[MumApr18]

Basically I’ve been forced into a situation where, for a few months starting next week, I’m going to have to put my 9 month son into full time nursery (50 hours per week).
My mum was going to help with childcare but unexpectedly died over Xmas and my partner was going go part time but has been told now he can’t. I can’t leave my job or go part time as I am applying for mortgages currently - we are having to move 200 miles in the next few months to be closer to the rest of the family after my mum passing so the 50 hours situation is really just a stopgap until we move.
Does anyone else put their child this young into nursery for such long hours? I’m feeling absolutely gutted about it - just another horrible thing added to my plate at the moment.

It’s absolutely fine.

Would a childminder make it easier for you?

My 8month old isn’t at nursery yet so I don’t have anything to add but I didn’t want to read without saying I am so sorry for your loss of your mum

I’m so sorry about your mum. At the moment it sounds like you don’t have many options. So try not to beat yourself up. Enjoy quality time of a weekend together. You’re building a future for your son and whilst 50 hours is probably a bit much things will hopefully be different in the future.

Both mine started full time at that age. I haven’t noticed any issues as a result.

As long as it’s high quality care then it will be fine

Not quite the same but my DD started at creche before she turned one and she does 47 hrs per week. She loves it.

I think you'll suffer more than your little one. He/she will love socialising and all the activity at nursery.

Us mum's always worry how our DCs will fare without us, but I reckon the truth is that we need them more than they need us. It will be great for his development, don't worry

so sorry about your Mum. what a hectic time for you! it will work out in sure. The ratios at that age are good... they soon settle but may play up as you leave (which makes it hard!) Be kind to yourself you are doing your best! Good luck!

I went back to work when both my DD's were 6 months, DD1 went full time initially so 50 hrs and at that age quickly got used to it.
It does make you use the time you do have with them count.

I went back to work full time and put my then 11 month old in for 50 hours per week, she's now 2.5 and absolutely fine. I recently cut her hours down to 3 days as I'm on mat leave after having my second. On the days shes home with me and baby, by midday she's asking if she can go to nursery (being at home with mum and a newborn is nowhere near as much fun).

My daughter went into creche for 30 at 3 months (ex MIL babysat one day per week). I had no choice as this was in the 90s (in NZ) with no paid parental leave and I was the main breadwinner, ex was a total dick and refused to give up work

After I left said ex and returned to the UK, she went up to 40 hours (at 2 years) due to no family to babysit.

She's an adult and turned out perfectly fine, although that never stops the mum guilt. And there are a lot of benefits to full time childcare!

Sorry about your mum

Lots of children attend full time nursery before 12 months love, and in my experience they're all fine. Parents have to work!
Your little one will be absolutely fine, I bet they'll come on loads. X

It will be hard to leave your LO at first OP but you have to do what you have to do.
They will be fine, they will adapt and will
Be so happy to see you at the end of the day. It will take some time to get used to the routine. At that age they will have a couple of naps a day anyway so really you’re not missing that much time.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum. Hope it all works out for you.

Thank you everyone for being so supportive. I don't feel quite as bad.
My wee guy is quite sociable and isn't a very clingy baby so I'm hoping the settling in goes ok...if it doesn't then I don't think I'll be able to do it!

My 8 month old went to nursery full days , 4 days a week. I have to say she has thrived being there and it also helped regulate her sleep patterns at night as she is knackered from a day of socialising and activities. Your little one will be fine. Just pick the best nursery possible where you like the staff and feel they understand your baby's needs and routine etc. The only thing you may notice is that's as they generally sleep less well there than they do at home, they can be grouchy on the way home and it's obviously a challenge to get them fed, bathed and in bed by 7! Also I have found my daughter will sleep for three hours at lunchtime on the weekend to make up for her tiredness from the week. But she is nearly 2 now and is the most confident, happy and loving little girl. She cuddles her friends at nursery good bye and as they have pretty much all been there from the baby room, they are growing up together and it's very sweet to watch. You will find it much harder to leave them in the beginning than they will find it to be there without you. But after a couple of weeks most children and parents are settled into the new routine.

It's fine. My two kids went full time from 8 months. They're both the happiest, well-adjusted kids I know. Nursery is great! They get to play and learn all day. There's no way you could provide that kind of care at home.

You son will be absolutely fine at nursery full time! It will take him a week or 2 to get use to the setting and staff but he will have a key worker that he will bond with and will probably love it there once settled.
I am a nursery nurse and we have so many babies full time at 9 months! Some even younger and they are all doing really well 😊 there's so much for them to engage in and explore!

I had a baby while at uni so had to go back for placement (12 hour shifts full time) when he was only 9 months. Like you I knew it was a stop gap until placement ended when hours would be a bit lighter so we just went with it. Unlike your son my little boy hated being a baby and was very clingy. He cried at drop off for a year but I said as long as he was settling quickly, sleeping and eating at nursery then it would continue.

Most important thing is to find a nursery that fits you as a parent, mine doesnt have the best Ofsted in town and is in a rougher area but they love the kids so much and go with the kids rather than a strict routine which suited me perfectly. I trusted them completely. They never made a big deal of my son crying they just wrote 'lots of cuddles' on his daily report. Nurseries tend to advise that the more sessions the baby is in the quicker they settle. Also very important to drop off, confidently say "goodbye, mummy will be back after dinner" and then leave. Long drawn out goodbyes help no one. I gave my little boy a scarf of mine at first which he snuggled in to at nap time. Also be prepared for a couple of months where your child will get every bug known to man and you will feel guilty but it doesnt last forever!

My son is now a happy thriving 2 year old who loves nursery and asks for all the workers by name.

In the Netherlands maternity leave ends at roughly 3 months so lots of children have to go to nursery full time a lot younger than yours. Of course there are part time parents but not everyone can afford that. The children still thrive so 🤷‍♀️

Sorry for your loss, I hope you find a new home soon.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Lots of children at my DD’s nursery are there for the full 12 hours per day that it is open. The ones that are there from a younger age probably don’t know any different and they seem very happy there. I agree it it probably more difficult for you but we all have to do what is right for our families.

Im so sorry about your mum. I think your ds is at a perfect time to go to nursery. Dd14 didnt go to nursery dd8 went from 8 months. Dd8 is confident, social and self assured and dd14 isnt. She was looked after by a family member its one of my biggest parenting regrets.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It's hard when wharf you'd planned as changed. Mine have all gone to Nursery and lots of the children are full time.

They have all been very happy there and thrived.

Thank you so much everyone :) I genuinely feel so much better about it!! Thank you for sharing all your experiences :)

Sorry for your loss. My mum died pretty suddenly 8 years ago, before I had kids but is awful.
Lots of babies do full time from that age. The routine will be good for him if you have a good nursery. Just have some good family time at the weekend. He will be fine.

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum.

My son has been full-time in nursery since he as five months old. I drop him off at 6:45 and pick him up about 4:30. He absolutely loves it! If he was at home with me he’d have to spend a lot of time on his own, watching TV etc. while I tidied and did chores and we’d end up doing boring stuff that he hates (like going in any shop - except toy shops of course), but at nursery he just does fun, stimulating activities all day. He comes home babbling about his friends, and the bikes, and the cars...

I didn’t want to do it originally and was gutted when I had to start sending him but I honestly can’t say it’s been anything but positive. I like that he’s a bit more independent too - it’s nice that he’s developing his own relationships with people outside our circle. He’s his own wee person