I'm hating my second maternity leave.

[flingaling77]

I love my children but I feel so trapped. Not being able to do anything I want is suffocating. I want to walk out of the door. My 3 yo daughter goes to preschool but still no space from 7 month old. I honestly hate it at times and regret my decision to have children. My mum is the only grandparent nearby and is reluctant to help. My youngest won't take a bottle so no chance of freedom in the day for months. I miss my job and my self esteem is rock bottom. Does anyone else feel like this? I can't even imagine how people would want to have more than 2 children. I've reached my limit and feel I have lost who I am. Hope I'm not alone x

I felt the same but with my first (currently only). I hated every single day of the whole year, partly it was due to having a reflux baby who was high needs and pretty much screamed all day and never slept, but it was also partly missing normal life/being something other than 'mummy'. I particularly hated it when other adults would say 'hi mummy', the teachers for baby groups etc.

Can you do shared parental leave, if you have a partner? Slowly try and get baby happy with a bottle then you could return to work and your partner could do the last few months of the year?

Lots of people told me I just needed a day to myself but they just didn't get it, if anything I spent the time away counting down and dreading being stuck with a screaming baby again.

I'd speak to your doctor about PND, they may be able to support you. I'm still a bit traumatised by what I expected to be a wonderful year and feel resentful that so many of my friends seemed to enjoy every day, but I know I had a bad experience and sounds like you're having similar. Going back to work got me my sanity back to be honest.

I didn’t especially enjoy either of mine. In my first I got a load of mummy friends who saved my sanity like I can’t imagine; the second time I lived closer to my mum who was amazing which is how I survived. I went back to work a day week when second was 3 months (which involves home working; meetings in cafes with my husband taking annual leave and hanging around so I could feed after meetings) then back full time when he was 7 months. I felt MUCH better at the time but now wish I could be PT or just stay at home - what i’m trying to say is I also hated it but found survival mechanisms and now I adore being a mummy and miss it when i’m At work (know deep down SAHP would be a nightmare!). Try not to set your expectations to ‘loving it’ and go for ‘surviving’ and see if that helps. Sending hugs - it’s hard x

Thanks for your comments. It makes me feel better it's not just me. I sometimes enjoy it but my husband has been away and despite many attempts, my lb won't take a bottle which makes me feel trapped. I have spoken to go and have just started counseling so hope that helps. X

I used to dump dd2 on dh as soon as he walked in the door after work and hide in my bedroom for 20mins raiding the choc in my drawer.

it's tough but it does get easier, more food, better naps, less dependant.

It's relentless, but gets so much better.

At 7mo you could try a sippy cup. Just with water for practice and easy mopping up, in a small sippy cup (so that it's light), free flowing rather than one where sucking is needed, fill it quite full so that the baby won't need to tip it much. Might be much more interesting than a bottle. It will take a long time to get the hang of it, so please don't expect an overnight solution, but it might just work.

My son never took a bottle and I went back to work when he was 7.5 months old. (I naively thought that he would take the bottle when he really had to, but he didn't.) He reverse-cycled and fed a lot at night, so it was exhausting for a couple of months until he was having enough solids to cut down on night-time milk, but it totally saved my sanity.

Is going back to work an option for you?

Ah OP I really feel for you
I was in exactly the same boat with my second and truth be told was itching to get back to work from when DS2 was 6 weeks old
In the end I decided to just ride out the year knowing that 'this too shall pass'
I now work fulltime and I'm a much better parent for it
Is there a possibility you could return to work part time a bit earlier?

I can completely relate. I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 week old and I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I love my DDs more than anything but I feel overwhelmed and have no clue of what will be left of me once they are grown up and in school. Trapped is an understatement. DH also just came home and grumbled that he fancied something else for dinner.

Painstakingly writing this post so I don't pour the pot of food over him.

It will get better, it has to!