Son Is the WORST you can ever deal with.

[SummerSlide]

Hi,

I have a son (14) he is adopted and he is our only child, with a sister who lives near Manchester, (We live in Sussex) Birth Mother took drugs and had passed away. (Birth Father is absent) Sister was very out of control with drugs, and more problems :(!! He doesnt want to keep in contact either.

Anyway,

My Son is not like the others, he says he is Bisexual, Gay, and always argues with DH about his right, when DH says he wont get anywhere. Tells me as soon as soon as he is 18, he will leave the family house and be homeless! he doesn't want a job or doesnt care about GCSE's

In primary school hes been a bit naughty, mouthing teachers, gobbing off, and being rude to other students. Like swearing at them, and Instagram, and snapchat incidents.

In high school things changed. He was fine in the first 3-4 months of Year 7 and had altercations with loads of other kids! He was always in isolation and detention. He walks away from teachers, swears in front of them and writes them anonymous emails about them. (Which are obviously him) He denies everything and never shows remorse, or takes responsibility for what he does EVER. He always back answers me, Goes out with 1 friend into the city centre!! and cant even go in our local town without an arguement.

Here is a list of what he has been doing!

• Fare Dodging On Trains, Hiding in toilets (My Friend Saw him do this!! and contacted me after)

• Uses Old Tickets go get through ticket barriors.

• Lies to teachers, refuses instructions, walks away of detention.

• Been to three schools, and is now homeschooled

• Gobs off, disrupts lessons,

• Tells others to die, kill themselves, laughs at other races, and disabled people, and makes fun of them whilst videoing them. And calls people slags, (Denies It after)

• Bullys others, talks about them

• Punches girls, Hits with bag, punches and pushes and pulls hair. (Even had a fight on the stairs in school) A girl left the school because of it!

• Stabbed a boy with a compass. ( Excluded 1 day)

• Kicked 3 girls out of a door way (Excluded 3 Days)

• Swears at headteacher.

• Laughs at people who dont wear branded clothes and puts it on social media

• Skips lessons, (Bad Grades, Year 4 in maths!!!!!!)

• Calls himself a Psychopath,

• Steals money and spends it shopping.

• Throws chairs.

• Abuses and pushes adults on the street, (Because he is a kid!!)

• Has Fights

• Broke a teachers computer.

• Broke 3 students phones in a PE room, (New School)

• Is Racist towards white people. (Hes Mixed with Asian and White)

• Pushes people down stairs.

• Says hate on social media.

• Scratched a teachers phone, and chucked water over teachers room.

• Pushed a year 7 girl on the stairs and punched her because she "Laughed" at him.

School recommended that we go to the GP, we did they just said its bad behaviour and it seems like he is doing it for attention, CAMHS referral was rejected.

He doesnt want to live with us anymore, hes had councilling and hasnt changed at all, What DO WE DO?! im going to cry!

Sounds like the poor kid needs to be shown some love. Doesn't matter if he was adopted, he should be treated the same as if you had given birth to him. Loads of love and understanding and empathy. He's obviously had a rough ride. I'm not sure why his sexuality is relevant?

He is your responsibility and you need to give him the love and emotional support he needs to help him change his behaviour otherwise he will end up on the street. He needs you. Parenting is hard.

Sounds like it could be disordered attachment. Go to GP and ask for CAHMS referal again, if they refuse get a second opinion. Speak to SS.

I would also ask MN to move this to the adoption board where you will get more specific help.

I would ask to move this to the adoption board - it sounds as though he needs some expert help

Definitely needs mental health help.
Whilst his natal family background might explain some of his behaviour, reminding him of it won’t help.
It might be that he won’t change and that the best thing for him would be to live independently as soon as possible. There used to be boarding schools to accommodate this kind of situation (not fee paying) but I doubt they exist now.

God op, why didn't you think of that?

Show him a bit of love, that's the answer. What have you been doing all these years, not loving him!

Seriously, can you not access the post adoption support service - or does he have a social worker? I think there is a charity which helps with this kind of thing.

Speak to the adoption team at your local council - there will be experts on adoption/attachment/early trauma there who can advise and support. Most of the issues you have mentioned could be due to early trauma/attachment disorder. There is specialist help available to support you all

Doesn't matter if he was adopted, he should be treated the same as if you had given birth to him.

Can’t agree with this I’m afraid. Adopted children need to be parented differently

OP... get this moved to the adoption board for some advice.