Swotting up on newborns - yay or nay?

[yikes89]

Hello!

I am pregnant with my first baby, and don't really know any other mums or babies!

I just wondered if you'd recommend reading up on as much as possible, going to every antenatal class going etc - or whether all of this stuff actually just goes out the window once your baby is born?!

There are so many books, websites, classes to choose from - it just feels like so much information!

Also - if you have any recommendations for the things that helped you most (books, forums, classes, etc) that would be really helpful!

I've signed up to an NCT class and have no

BertieBotts - yes! Such spot on advice!

And seconding the advice on the first aid course. I did one together with my NCT group (after we had all known each other for a few weeks) when we were still pregnant. Completely forgot everything and did a refresher when the babies were a few months old. A really good thing to do!

YY on "stuff" - ask yourself - do I absolutely need this during the first 2 weeks? Yes? OK buy it. No - but I absolutely will need it during the first 3 months and it costs a lot/requires research/might take time to get/is worth making use of sales - (pretty much - your pram, and washable nappies if you want to use them) - OK - buy it.

Everything else, unless you see it at an excellent price second hand, stick it on an online wishlist and pick it up as and when you need it. You can usually get delivery within a few days.

Reason being - you might be given one. You might not need it. The reality of a baby might mean that you prefer a different type. Etc etc. If you're going to pay full price for something, just pay full price for it when you need it.

I found reading up useful, and it's nice to at least know the 'theory' even if the reality is a bit different with some things.

And whilst people say that there's no point as the baby won't have read the book, textbook behaviour is textbook for a reason, and having something to compare it to is useful. Also, some babies (my daughter for example) were/are very textbook. Things like sleep regressions, patterns et. happen with her so on schedule that it's a running joke.

I read BabyWise on the recommendation of a friend... And it's been absolutely useless for a newborn, and gave me completely unrealistic expectations.
I prepared a schedule... But babies really set their own schedule. My little one eats anywhere between 1-3 hours between feeds, on hotter days he will want to BF more, on fussy days he will eat closer together, he clusterfeeds at night. TBH there was some good stuff in the BabyWise book, but it set me up to expect that babies follow schedules, when they really don't.
Babies like predicability and routine, e-g doing Eat Wake Sleep each time he wakes up, knowing that mum or dad will come and comfort when he cries, etc, but you can't put a timetable up and expect the baby to follow it lol.
As my mother in law said to me: "You'll muddle through it".
Also, getting information from reputable websites rather than reading horror stories from mummy bloggers, that's been a huge help.
Eg raisingchildren.net.au and www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-categories
KellyMom is also a great website for breastfeeding.

And I went along to a first time mother's group last week, that was amazing for support, you get the sense of "being in the trenches" together with other mums who have babies of a similar age, and hearing advice with what they've tried. Definitely go to a mother's group.

Thank you again to everyone for all the advice! It's really interesting to hear about everyone's experiences.

Yesterday I stumbled across a 'baby wipes warmer' on Amazon and had to laugh! X

I read a fair amount and went to the NHS classes. Despite this there were a few things I was not prepared for!

*my DDs would not sleep anywhere but on us for weeks. I completely understand and appreciate the need for safe sleeping advice/standards. However your baby may not care and from what I gather that is pretty normal. Try to be as safe as you can! You and you OH accidentally dozing off on the sofa is more dangerous then safe co-sleeping for example. For what it’s worth a Sleepyhead saved us with both DDs. Find the safest sleeping situation you can. If it’s perfectly in line with guidance, great. If not try, not to stress, just do your best.

*you can study up on breastfeeding but your baby might not know how to do it! DD1 literally couldn’t figure out how to latch. She was full term with no physical issues causing her inability to latch. It took 6 weeks for her to figure it out and another 6 to wean her off of top ups. We had NHS breastfeeding clinics here, which saved me. As mentioned above Kellymom is an amazing resource. Probably my top resource for new parents.

*familiarise yourself with the idea of the 4th trimester and figure out how to use a sling!

*perhaps controversial, as I think it’s been discredited to a degree, but also look at Wonder Weeks. It’s helped me appreciate and understand why my DDs have been grumpy messes at times!

Ultimately the things you are not prepared for, that are hard, will pass. The bad days, the exhaustion; it will pass. Enjoy what you can and don’t beat yourself up for not loving every second. It’s not easy! Oh and try not to compare your baby to others too much. DD1 and my niece were born days apart. DD1 was a horrible baby. Couldn’t feed, didn’t sleep. DNiece was much better. Fed easily and slept through months before DD1. Well DD1 has been an amazing toddler, DNiece, much more difficult.

One thing I would totally recommend is a series on Netflix called The Beginning of Life. It's all about infant development (neurological, psychological, social, emotional etc.) in the first couple of years.

I found it super interesting, informative and beautiful to watch.

Ooh thanks Aideen, I'd been wanting to watch that but our Netflix got hacked and my saved list was wiped so I'd forgotten about it!

I hope you enjoy it!
If you like that one and are interested in reading more research-based (rather than opinon-based) information and advice about babies and children, the book that I would recommend is Margot Sunderland's 'What every parent needs to know'. The book is designed to give you information so you can make your own informed choices. Good luck!

I read a few books and magazines and thought it would be easy....baby born, baby goes in routine 😂
As soon as DS was here it all went out the window and I don't remember anything I read.
My life saver was the group of mums I met through a hypno birthing course (turns out we all did it because it was cheap, we wanted to make new friends and didn't actually care about hypno birthing) without them and the 1,2,3am chats we used to have I'd have been a mess.
My only tip is I wish I'd read more about the 6+ month plus bit as that was a real shocker, I thought the newborn bit would be the hardest but turns out that was easy. Not saying the rest is hard I just felt a bit blind.

I absorbed the nhs book they gave out for free (16 years ago) and a friend bought me a funny, irreverant book but I can’t remember the name. The best bit of advice I was given - “you know the baby manual? Well the baby hasn’t read it”. That helped me hugely

What to expect when you’re expecting was a good read bit MN was a great resource for me and I also joined a multitude of Facebook groups ‘babies due in (month) which became the most help. They are a wonderful group of ladies.

I'll defo have a look at that too, been looking for a book like that for over ten years! It's the most useful thing to know IME.