Splitting up unmarried with children and joint mortgage

[Naomitrus1987]

hoping someone can help.

it seems apparent I'm probably splitting up with my fiancé (of 5 years) having been together 10.

we have a home together (joint mortgage) and 2 children, aged 6 and 3.

he is the one choosing to end our relationship (due to an affair with a close friend I may add, as we both worked 50 hour weeks in high pressured jobs, leading me to get PND and withdraw a little, meaning he felt he had to confide in a close friend who I took into our home when she was going through issues :( )

additionally, I also currently have no job, as I was managed out of my job in September, having worked for the company for 10 years, I;m currently unable to figure out what type of job I can now get due to not knowing if he is staying or going. if he stays we can get any job and work the hours out, if he goes im restricted to child hours, with school etc..

he currently transfers me 700 each month with pays for the mortgage and 1 other bill.

what would he need to pay if he left?

obviously I cannot afford the mortgage on my own, and would need assurance we can live here until the youngest is 18.

Could I get a signed document from him (legally witnessed) binding him to that 700 a month until youngest is 18 if he agrees?

I would act fast to check all this out while he still has some emotional investment in you and the children. If you are going to be left with the children full time, what he legally has to pay is dependent on his income. Google and use the Child Maintenance Service calculator. Unless he is a super high earner, that will come to less than mortgage, bill and £700. Just for context, ex is in higher tax bracket for earnings and I get £700 a month for two children, nothing towards mortgage or bills.

The calculator will tell you the legal minimum or worst case scenario ( barring him disappearing or going self employed). But the CMS encourages you to work out a voluntary amount yourselves. So you can look at actual costs, childcare etc and agree a higher rate and register it with them. Not sure if that is legally binding, I suspect not. But advise doing it quickly as if he is instigating this and has another partner in the offing, he will start putting his new needs first rather than yours or the children..

As far as I know, unless he is a super high earner, because you were not married and so won't go through divorce proceedings, , you don’t have the option of setting child maintenance in court. So things that would be considered there like school costs or who pays support through uni just don't happen for children of unmarried couples. That might not seem important now but it is good to get agreement now if you can. You could see a solicitor for half an hour free advice and ask whether a voluntary agreement drafted up and signed would be binding.

Please act fast, once he stops feeling guilty, he may well start cutting payments, and/or demand sale of the house. He can legally do this under an area of law called TOLATA. You can apply to stay in the house until youngest child is 18 but it isn't guaranteed and will be expensive and complicated to fight legally. You need to book appointments with a legal advice centre or CAB asap.

Also google and use the 'entitled to' benefit calculator. This shows you what benefit income you would get if on your own woth the children. Child maintenance is not taken into account so you would have the combined benefit figure plus the maintenance figure to live on. At the end of the calculation, you can also click on another box to see the position if you were in work and type in hypothetical hours and hourly rate and whether childcare needed. All the results can be emailed to you.

Be aware that if you are left paying the mortgage by yourself, benefits only pay the interest and not the mortgage. Also consider that even if you pay the mortgage yourself, if he remains on the deeds he will legally be entitled to half the house proceeds when sold, even in when youngest is 18, and unless you fight it legally (expensive), at the price the house sells for then.....even though you may have paid the mortgage in between.