Worlds laziest mum

[hoppybee]

I feel like I'm the worlds laziest mum. My little boy is 15 months old and I'm happily married to his dad. I work full time as a teacher and went back to work when he was 9 months old. My mum looks after him during the day and I'm so shattered most evenings my OH looks after him.

I've been off for the Christmas holidays for the last two weeks and I've just been clueless. I'd rather spend my time on my phone, faffing around for myself, sleeping! I feel crap about it. Last week have deleted my social media apps and been leaving my phone upstairs in an effort to spend quality time with him but I don't know what to do with him. I don't know how to play or what he wants or how to teach him things. Before I went back to work I cherished every minute I could with him and took him to baby groups and cuddled him all the time and just felt confident about being his mum, but I just don't know what I'm doing with a toddler or where to even begin.

Any advice from awesome toddler mummys??

Try to put a (relaxed) routine in place. Spend time doing crafts together, doing flash cards to help him with words.
Make some homemade play dough, go feed the ducks, go to a free museum. Go swimming, visit friends.
Is he fascinated by cars? Or animals? Find somewhere to take him that he can see these things.
If you drive, go down to the beach, search for stones, shells.
Put your phone away, you will regret not making the most of this time.

I bet your mum is shattered! She is raising a baby full time- maybe you should think about putting him in a group setting for a couple days a week if it's an option.
He may struggle with socialisation if he's only with one person all week and not stimulated on the weekends. And I bet your mum needs a break. She's raised her child(ren).

Fair play to your mum for looking after a 15 month old full time, she must be shattered! My mum would struggle and she’s in her 50’s and active.
I think it’s easy to fall into a rut of playing on your phone etc, especially before they’re fully verbal and can’t ask you to do a million different things with them (which is what mine do now at 5 and 3!). To be honest at that age we tried to get out of the house a lot, either just for walks or to the park, or to friends houses, or to farm parks etc. It wore them out and made them eat and sleep better. On a normal day we had a loose routine of playing in the morning until 10ish, then out for an hour or so before lunch/nap, then out again in the afternoon for a bit.
At home try things like play doh/duplo etc.

Don't be hard on yourself. Parenting a toddler is boring sometimes and hard a lot of the time. I feel the same way you do frequently and have to make an effort to put my phone away.

We do Duplo, drawing, puzzles, building blocks, books, a bit of CBeebies when we're feeling all played out. And get out of the house for walks and park time every day.

I struggle with parenting a toddler too, it does get easier as they get older.

I'm sure you are not lazy op (especially if you are a teacher)!

You sound as though you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
You probably feel like resting and having some time to yourself because you need it! And you are probably just feeling a bit disconnected from your toddler because of the adjustment between busy school life and being one on one again. Is your oh giving you enough support?

Agree with pp about a gentle schedule, going at toddler pace. Out in the morning (even though it feels like an effort), a walk in the park, a visit to a play area. Then back for a snack and a rest. Can you alternate with your oh so that you both have some ring-fenced time with your oh, some ring-fenced time doing your own things and then some scheduled time together? Take turns at bed time and have fun playing with your toddler in the bath?

I’m a lazy mum too! Or at least a knackered one... I discovered that DD1 loves to “do helping” - especially laundry, but anything really. So if I’m cooking she’ll sit on the floor and bang around with Tupperware, or put things in the washing machine/chuck clean socks around. It makes everything take longer but she seems happy and it doesn’t take the same level of effort/imagination as crafts etc

doing flash cards to help him with words.

I’d go straight for the A level maths syllabus. I mean, he’s all of 15 months old.......

Every post has to have a sarcastic, passive aggressive poster I guess.

Flash cards are a perfectly normally thing to do with small children once they start babbling and learning words. It worked for me and mine.

Any other helpful advice pp?

I personally won’t be doing flash cards. Just singing, chatting and reading books is better for language development. But each to their own.

I quit teaching this summer to become a SAHM when DD was 2. I know what you are talking about. At that age DD and I coslept for cuddles for every other night. DH doing the alterative nights. You just need to get back into the swing of doing things together. I would spend at least 1/2 a day at the weekend focusing on him and 30 mins a night just playing. I now find the holidays a lot more difficult as the usual toddler groups are not on.

I'm not sure I'm the awesome toddler Mummy you are looking for, but things that my son seems to like are:

Exploring areas of any house, including practicing getting up the stairs (with supervision).
Making a den with dining room chairs and blankets and getting torches out.
Bashing pots and pans with a big spoon. Singing and clapping can be added for a group activity.
Sitting on my knee and doing nursery rhymes with actions like the Grand Old Duke of York, horsey rides, round and round the garden.
Still likes peekaboo games or crawling/hiding/chasing round furniture.
Feeding ducks or seeing any kind of animal.
Visiting friends and family.
Any kind of helping or copying what you are doing like loading washer, taking a tea bag out and putting it in a cup and helping to fetch milk, brushing teeth together, getting in the bath or shower together.
Swimming.
Reading, especially books with flaps or opportunities to do animal noises
Teaching him words and asking him to point to something like his nose, shoe, flower
Talk to him pretty much constantly about what we are doing and what we can see
And yes we even get the flash cards out sometimes! I'll put two or three down and ask him to show me which one the flower is, for example. Stop as soon as he is bored.

I think you have made a good decision to put the phone away when you are with him.

My twins are 9 now, it is hard work at that age, but I mainly remember taking them to classes at library for singing, playground, park, reading them books, singing with them. Good luck

Yeah, your mum must be a great help, I bet she is a little knackered also but probably loves it. Its amazing how quickly the time flies by, don't waste this time on your phone, so keeping it out the room is a great start and just reconnecting with your son, he will just love cuddles with mummy or if he's anything like my DS doesn't keep still for long lol

We put the radio on/ get beatbo out and do some dancing
Lots of singing and actions
look through and read his books while having cuddles
get the flash cards out
Stacking blocks, duplo or little puzzles

Throw a cover down and draw, paint, chalk, play doh, glue and colour in
he loves " helping " around the house (emptying dishwasher, emptying washing machine, loading washing machine, helping mix food in bowl when baking/cooking, "arranging" my Tupperware cupboard, putting the shopping away, show him pairing up his socks so he learns pairs

Go for walks and pointing out everything you see
Get wrapped up and have a play at the park, feed the ducks , go to the farm or the zoo.
Go swimming
Go to story time at the library
Go to Diddi dance class

Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure the more time you spend together the easier it will become. Just start with loads of cuddles when reading to him. Good luck and cherish your DS, they are small for such a short amount of time.

Thanks all. Some really good suggestions, and ones I should have come up with myself really. Nothing groundbreaking, which is reassuring.

Yes, my mum does get tired having him, however it has given her a new lease of life and wouldn't change it yet! We're able to talk openly about what is too much to ask from her. She thrives off having him and does all these things with him anyway really.

It's just been apparent how clueless I am these past two weeks while I've been off. As the nights get lighter though it'll be easier to spend time doing certain things with him when I'm home from work.

My OH is good but his siblings are very much park baby in front of the telly kind of parents - which I've never wanted to be and he's always said the same, but it is what he's seen his brother do etc. Obviously our little one gets a fair amount of screen time so I'm not trying to bash anyone there - just looking for things we can do WITH him rather than the pig!

I knew finding the balance would be hard but he's such an active little boy and constantly wants to be exploring something I just haven't had the energy or knowledge of how best to play with him.

Thanks so much again. X

OP, I'm a pretty lazy mum in these respects too. One poster has suggested a nursery setting to help with socialisation but I think this also helps a lot with providing the kinds of opportunities you just can't be arsed to organise at home (mine went 2-3 days a week and loved it).

Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure it's not as if you're ignoring your DS all his waking hours. Kids need to be a bit self-sufficient.

Can I also say a big thank you to CBeebies for providing such an excellent language model? I remember a consultant remarking on DD's excellent speech at 2.8 and basking in the reflected glory of Kerry, Andy, Chris, Pui et al. She is brilliant in English now!

Just go out for a bit every day. It’s the easiest thing to do and could reenergise you.
Try to do one activity, read one book, have a little physical play like gentle tickling feet and tummy, blowing raspberries, sing a couple of nursery rhymes then let him play independently and watch some tv.

I'll be honest, i didnt sing nursery rhymes or play with my toddler - i just lived my life and included her, or took her out to places, to visit ppl etc. At home we had downtime where she would play, i would 'play' or we'd watch things or eat together.

I agree with @Online Alienator, it doesn't have to be anything planned, trips shopping, out for a walk, off to meet friends for coffee. My one year old loves car trips, staring at other people, going shopping and looking at the world. Personally, I think thats enough. At home we play and he will clonk around with his toys- we have the usual- blocks, stacking cups, an abacus etc. I read him books sometimes but will do this more as he gets older. We do lots of giggling together and chatting, he likes a bit of playing around and he does quite a bit of playing on his own too.

Perhaps try and put less effort into teaching, it zaps the life out of you and it can be hard to enjoy your little one.

So my dd is 16mo and likes going to the park, playing with kitchen toys e.g. bringing me a cup of tea. She surprisingly likes water colours (less mess than actually painting and mostly just dips the brush in the water.

I try to get out every day between 10-12 then lunch, nap, chilled home activities, dinner, books, bed.

Putting the radio on helps me when I’m feeling bored and reach for my phone. Plus DD LOVES music.

My DD is 15m (and DS is 3.5 so that probably affects our routine a lot, but he’s at nursery 3 mornings a week so I have a few hours daily to just spend with DD)

I do play with her and read to her, but I couldn’t do it for 4 hours straight every morning, I’d go mad. So we usually have some down time where I do cleaning (or look on my phone and drink a cup of tea) and she potters about with various toys, opens cupboards follows me around. If I give her a wet wipe then she’ll happily “clean” the kitchen. Then we normally go out to either an activity class or a play date for 9.30 or 10. Or to the supermarket or other errands. In the warmer weather a walk in the buggy and then play at the playground now she’s bigger.

Then lunch, then nap. The afternoons we are usually at home and DS is here too, but she likes playing with duplo, play doh (I make it for her as she tries to eat it), scribbling in books, playing in the garden, having a bath. She does watch some tv too, but I definitely try to limit that for the moment as she’s happy without it too