My 3yr old is terrified of doing a poo.

[emmark13]

My dd is 3 yrs 9 months and last week she had problems going for a poo and cried because it hurt. She's very sore; it's like she's pushed out a big poo and it doesn't seem to heal very well. she's struggled this week but managed it each time.

But last night she was whimpering and holding her tummy and when we asked if she had tummy ache or needed a poo she said no, just that she was tired. This morning she woke up at 4.20 needing mummy and we eventually got up and she started to do the same thing again. This time I asked her if she was frightened to do a poo in case it hurt and she said yes. She didn't want to go, but I said she had to get it out and then she would feel better. She did go eventually but there was a bit of blood. Half an hour later she did a poo in her pull ups and told me it was much easier to go in her pants!! How do I get her to feel happy about going to the toilet without it becoming a major issue? Help!!

My thought would be to change her diet so her poo is softer. Plenty of fluids, maybe extra fruit and veg if she's not getting much? But I'm not a dietician or anything. Good luck, hope she gets better soon.

my son had this for a while, maybe put some sort of cream on her bum while she goes!

it's horrible isn't it, they look like they're in so much pain with it

Unfortunately she's not a great fruit eater but i've made sure she's been drinking lots of fluids. I've been putting cream on twice a day, but putting it on while she goes is a great idea. I'll try it tomorrow. It's horrid watching her trying to be so brave when she goes. Poor love.

I have just gone through 9 months of hell with my 3 1/2 year old because of a poo phobia.

My advice is this

1. If she can poo easlier in her pull ups tell her to ask you to put them on her when she needs a poo and take the stress out of the situation.

2. You need to soften the poo to get her confidence back. My ds1 took laxatives he was so bad (lactulose) but if you can do it via her diet it is better. I swear by innocent fruit smoothies.

3. Once the poo is soft and she is happy to do them in a nappy then go back to doing them on the toilet.

I know it feels like a backwards step but I found it worked for me and I can't tell you how bad ds1 was.

I have just had ds1 prescription changed to Movocol and he is now completely cured! It only took about two weeks in the end. The key is to get them confident that having a poo is not going to hurt. It takes 10 good poos for every bad one. The problem is once you have a bad one it sets you back again.

If you need any more advice let me know. I have spent 9 months living, eating and sleeping bowel movements so to speak!

Oh, poor you Willmouse, that must have been awful. That's what I'm dreading. But this morning I put cream on her just before she went (after a bit of persuasion) and she said it didn't hurt. There was still a bit of blood - looks like a cut, but I put Tea Tree cream on afterwards and will stick with the nappy cream thing every time she goes until it's healed and hope for the best! Thanks very much.

She's been crying and moaning all afternoon because she needs to go but won't risk it. I can't believe it's got worse.

DH thinks it might be dangerous for her to hold it in for long periods - is he right? I tend to juat think she'll go when she really has no choice anymore (even if that is in her knickers).

My nephew was like this would go for days, on laxatives and everything, eventually he did get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel

I agree that letting her tell you when she needs a poo and going in a pull up is a good idea

just let her get over this fear and let her bottom heal a bit

I think putting vaseline around her anus is meant to help the poo slide out more easily. Sympathy to you both, how unpleasant

I would definately stick with the pull ups for now. We had to go backwards before we went forwards. But I would try and nip this in the bud before it gets worse.

Your husband is right - the longer she goes without going the more difficult it will be and you get into a vicious circle.

I found that exercise helped my ds1 to go and we used to do OTT dancing (which he loved) and it does help things get moving.

You need to give really positive encouragement when she does go. But never say its not going to hurt - because you don't know whether its going to hurt or not and if it does she will lose trust in you (apparently).

I would give her a treat every time she does it. I was told not to reward it with chocolate and was so desparate that I ignored this piece of advice so I am now left with a child who now screams for chocolate every time he has a poo. However, it is getting better - I have weaned him down to two smarties for a poo and I don't think he's going to be bothered for much longer.

If there is any other advice you need emmark let me know.

Hi, so awful this situation i had it with ds1 when he was fully toilet trained already and it was awful to see my big lad go on a potty but that worked for us, it is a backward step but as has been posted already you have to stop them being scared. Also stop all constipating foods eg rice bread potatoes, banana. Give plenty of fluids and loads of fruit juice, grape juice is great.

I just wanted to second what Willmouse said. I was at the gp last week with ds as he had got toally out of synch with his poo and was going 3 days without one and then doing suich a big one it was making him bleed.

gp prescribed lactulose and yesterday he did his first easy poo. I think it is hard with toddlers to get them to eat the right food and drink enough to get them over it, but this stuff did the trick for us.

Hope she is ok

Thanks for all your messages. She's now had four successful poos over three days, but she still wants me to go with her every time and isn't altogether happy about the idea, so one more bad one and we could be back to square one. It's so easy to get complacent, but hopefully she'll stay on the right track.