Living abroad, lonely, 10 year old son has no friends

[indie494949]

I just wonderd if anyone has any advice for our desperate situation with me and my ten year old son.

We have lived in France for five years now and both me, my husband and my son still have no friends. Despite trying to make friends with both French and English, no one seems to like us at all.

I never had this problem before but as an older mum I feel desperate as my son has no one to play with outside of school and despite inviting other children to ours, either for birthdays or play dates, no one ever invites him to their parties and all make excuses not come to play dates.

He is a very sociable outgoing, chatty, very clever boy, but has now turned to social, online gaming for someone to play with and says that if he didn't have people to play these games with, he would have no one.

Mums I have tried to befriend make it plain that they openly do not like my company with one mum refusing to even say hello while I tried to make conversation with her friend, she just ignored me until I went away.

I did make a huge effort with a French mum who's daughter plays with my son in school and her daughter would come to ours after school, when her mum needed a break. but after a while she just stopped talking to me totally out of the blue and her daughter doesn't come round anymore.

I really wish someone would just tell me what it is I am doing wrong.
When I work I have lots of lovley friends who always invite me out with them, and always keep in touch on social media, but they are In another country and I only see them a few times a year.

My son is so lonely and even though he plays in the local football club and goes horseriding, he just can't seem to make friends outside of the time he's at the clubs.

He also gets bullied at school has he has very low self esteem, despite looking very confident on the outside, he's extremely good at putting on a brave show, when inside he tells me he feels really really bad about himself. He's always saying he's rubbish and is scared to do new things in case he fails.

Also my marriage is at breaking point and has been for the past three years. my husband and I are so vicious with each other this is also effecting our son who has witnessed so much arguing,heartache and stress, due to our inability to hide our hated for each other.

I feel at rock bottom and have never asked for help on a social media site before but I feel so desperate for my son.He is going to suffer terribly if I don't find a solution to this awful mess I've allows us all to get into.

We can't move back to UK as we cannot sell our house here and we are now in so much debt I cannot sleep at night. My husband finds it impossible to find work for more than a few months a year and now my inheritance from my mum has completely gone on living costs.

Before coming here I was successful, comfortable financially and quite happy, now I feel we are completely broken as a family and completely isolated. Both mine and my husbands parents are no longer alive and I am not close to my family as have lived so far away from them for so long. My husband has no family and for the whole of the 15 years we've been together, he has never had any friends at all.

Any totally honest and objective opinions on how to move forward would be so so appreciated.

I will not be offended at all if posts are a little brutal, if they help me develop a clear plan to get my beautiful son the happy normal life he deserves, i.e. surrounded by love, happiness, laughter and genuine friends.

Can I ask why it is that you moved to France in the first place?

I know you said it's not an option but moving back to the UK, may e just renting a small place, is the only solution that comes to mind (not helpful, I know). You all just seem desperately unhappy there.

I find it strange that literally no one will be friends with you or DS. Even stranger that DH has never had any friends. Could he be the repellent? I'm not saying you go ahead and get divorced but perhaps a separation might be useful? You and DS move to UK in a small flat if you could maybe a find a cent job over here and send some money back to DH to help with bills, etc. That's the only thing I can think of. It is a tough one. I hope things get better for you soon

Or perhaps you could all move back to UK and rent your property in France?

Agree, focus your efforts on getting back to the UK. France doesn't seem to be working for you. In the interim, could you ask one of the mums outright why this is happening, perhaps?

The one that stopped talking to you overnight does suggest to me that one of the mums has it in for you and is turning the others.

You need to come home

Sounds awful OP.

I'm with the pp, make plans to return to UK. You may have to rent out your house if you can't sell but the situation sounds very sad for all.

I would cut your losses and come back to the UK.

It sounds awful. I’ve been an immigrant and it’s really hard. I felt so different all of the time and was sick of explaining myself or justifying everything all of the time. There is no way I could have managed without my friends.

It sounds to me like you are doing all of the right things to help your son.

Does your husband want to come back to the UK? He sounds very unhappy.

Do you work?

Bump for you

Come home sweetheart, life doesn't need to be so hard

I’m an expat, I’ve lived in France.
It’s really hard to integrate there, even with decent French.

If you had money, the solution is to live in an expat area, send your son to international school and be part of the expat rather than the local community.

You sound like you’re living rural, I think it’s not going to work out.

Drop the price on you’re house and come home.

I feel for you OP.

Have you seen the Living Overseas section of mumsnet?

Might be worth posting on there too for advice.

What a nightmare.
You need to come home even for a break . Can you even do a super cheapy coach trip even ...maybe a room in a premier inn.. Just to get a different perspective .
It's horrible being lonely abroad but the problem isn't always you, it can simply be that communication is tricky, that people in rural areas can have very well established circles already, etc. Don't kick yourself when you're already down.

Also you could think about leaving your husband.
There are so many people on this planet. Find yourself another one. Then look at what you can compromise on. Could you live in a tiny flat? Could you rent? Would you mind a rough round the edges area?
When I decided to return to the uk in similar seemingly impossible circumstances I focused on what I liked . I liked seeing uk family homes lit up on a Saturday night, Telly on, people buying takeaways, lottery tickets. It sounds ridiculous. But knowing this small thing was enough to make me happy allowed me to lower my standards massively (so then my budget) , choose a tiny place in the arse end of a run down city to rent, and get back home.
Walking home with a bag of chips on a Saturday night back in the uk, looking forward to a night watching X factor and eating galaxy , gave me so much joy and was actually the foundation on which I built a whole new life. Good luck .

Do they have scouting in France, I’m pretty sure it’s international so that might be something you could help out with and your child could try. Alternatively my children enjoy taekwondo and that is also an international sport so maybe see if that’s available near to you.